Post # 16
She sounds otherwise unbalanced, but if her living situation changes she has the right to go back to court for a change in circumstances. And if the holiday is her weekend you can insist on keeping it that way or switching.
Why are you dealing with this?
Post # 17
weddingmaven : insisting on it, is exactly what I did. Doesn’t mean she’s not going to throw a fit, include the kids, & pout like a child. She’s just so irresponsible. She won’t get child support, but the hassle & cost of going to court isn’t something to look forward to. The whole thing is super frustrating.
Post # 18
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Why would you continue to let the kids stay with her if she’s mentally unstable and self-harming? Why isn’t your Darling Husband pushing for full custody? Why would you want the kids to spend 50% of their time in a highly volatile and unstable environment (certainly unstable if she’s been married twice in 1 year).
Post # 19
Yeah have to agree with
FutureDrAtkins : and
the kids shouldn’t be with her if he has proof that she is incapable of parenting right now. And why are you hand,in this?
it won’t be helping matters for you to be involved. That will only escalate things. I would leave this to your husband.
Post # 21
I’m not sure if you’ve ever had any experience with custody battles. But judges rarely grant full custody just because someone spent a few days on the inpatient side or quickly got remarried and divorced. The goal would be for the kids to still have a good relationship with their mom, despite everything. I don’t have any wish to take her kids away. That’s not the point.
Post # 22
Similar but different situation. Ex wife is a narcissist and lives in her own world. She has screwed up each of the 3 kids, in a variety of ways. The first two have lived with us and now the 3rd one wants to. She is a piece of work. I will leave it at that….
She signed daughter 2 over to us before court because we saved every letter and email sent (DH and ex would communicate via text and email), and it painted quite a story. Her lawyer got it from our lawyer and I assume told her the judge would laugh her out of court. At the time they had joint legal custody and she did not involve him in anything, she was in complete violation of her agreement. Everything was very clear reading all the texts and emails in chronological order.
I say communicate via text and email, save them all. Document. 50% custody means half the time, not just when you are bored. It sounds like she has some medical issues. I don’t know how and if that is considered or handled by the courts in these decisions, as that gets tricky. All you can do is show her history with the kids, and “intent” based on things she says. I don’t know how old the kids are but in our case we had to get D2 her own lawyer, a guardian at litem who met with the daughter and reviewed everything independently and made a recommendation.
As much as it sucks, it’s ultimately the kids who suffer the most. I’m sorry you all have to go through this.
Post # 23
shxbm : thank you for the understanding! It’s hard to understand if you haven’t been through something similar. His kids are 19, 16, 14. The 19 year old is in her own apartment and in college, so nothing to worry about there. The other two are the ones that live with us full time. They are good girls but tend to believe their mothers lies and explain away her behavior. That’s to be expected, after all she is their mom. It has screwed them up, however, which is super sad. I told my husband to expect her to start pulling some stuff, now that she has started to see them more. I was a little shocked that help quickly she started. Literally they only spent one week with her, so far. Next week will be the second week and we’ll see what comes of it. Meanwhile, my husband is popping Xanax here and there because this stresses him out so much
She thinks we’re so rich, because I make a lot more money than my husband. However, what she doesn’t know is that we took a $40,000 a year cut in pay to move to this town so the kids could see their mom. He makes $10,000 a year less than when they got divorced and she probably makes $10,000 more than she was then. The court can’t take my pay into account . Plus, I think the new boyfriend is pushing her to try to get child support.
It’s just super frustrating. Thank you for understanding.
Post # 24
jannigirl : oh yeah, she is going to pull some stuff with the kids that will stun you. I am still stunned. Some people are master manipulators and those of us who aren’t will never understand. My advice with the kids is to stay consistent and not get pulled into any of it. Remember you can only do what you can do and moving so the kids can see this woman (who moved away!), is way beyond the call of duty. His last one is 16. When he turns 18 I am having a huge party. I’m sorry you have to go through this.