Post # 1
You never think it will be you. Long story short: A year ago my boyfriend at the time and I were in a rough patch. He went to get a cheap massage one day. Turns out it was a special massage place. He got one. Over the course of the next 8 months-year he returned and got about 5 special massages. The last one happened just 3 months after we got engaged. After the last massage he contracted a minor viral skin infection on his genitall area. He said he panicked, didn’t want to loose me so he told me it was from yoga. We stopped having sex until the infection was treated. We had begun councelling and our relationship was improving tremendously. Until about a week ago when I showed signs of having the infection. He got really weird. Some days later he confessed the whole situation. He could not continue his lie now that I was at risk. He is begging me to take him back.
I am pissed about what he did but understand his rationalizing the cheating. Not making excuses for him, he acted like a scum bag, but we were not having sex much or connecting at all emotionally or physically. I’m almost more pissed that he gave me this skin infection that takes months to clear up. I’m pissed that he led me to believe he never cheated on me during that rough time (he would always say how hard it was for him to stay faithful without sex…all the while knowing that he had not been). I’m pissed that he defiled our engagement. I never pressured or aked him to propose. I’m pissed that he lied in councelling and never brought this up
So where to go from here. Weighing the options I see the 2 major possibilities. 1. Break up. Pros: not being with a cheater, punishing him, finding someone else. Cons: Ending an otherwise great relationship with someone I love. Put like this, the pros seem petty. Possibility 2. Try to Fix This. Pros: Keeping a 5 year relationship, keeping a man I love, keeping our mutual interests. Cons: Feeling like a push over, never trusting fully, possibly not recognizing my worth.
What would you do bees? HELP!
Post # 3
@oldrockingchair: Honestly, I’d get out. And get out now. Lots of hugs to you.
Post # 4
Answer one question.
do you love this man?
If yes, you stay, you work through it and hopefully come out the other end stronger than before.
If not, pack up, hit the ground running, the love of your life is waiting on you and you’re late!
either way, it’s about what YOU want and nothing else.
take care baby, you deserve only the best.
Post # 5
@oldrockingchair: Wow. Um given that you two tried counseling and that did not save the relationship and that you have held up your end of the relationship committment (i.e., trying counseling, being faithful, etc)…I would honestly move on. I know it will be difficult given how long you have been in your relationship, but he has shown time and time again that he does not love and respect you enough to be faithful.
ETA: The truth is that while you may love him, do you think that he really loves you back equally?
Post # 7
Well I think my opinion depends on your feelings about it. From your post I get the impression you could almost forgive him for the cheating if he hadn’t lied about it and given you an infection while he was at it. I say go to counselling.
I would personally be out of there. What happens when I can’t have sex while I’m pregnant, or if I’m depressed, or sick? Is he going to cheat on me then too? I wouldn’t marry someone who would do that to me.
Post # 8
Honestly, I think it is best to move on. You said yourself you don’t know that you could trust him fully. Trust has to be the most important thing in a relationship. I think you should leave him and realize YOUR worth. If you stay, everytime things get rough or you fights there will ALWAYS be that little voice in the back of your head that wonders where he is when he isn’t with you.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Yuck. Leave this guy, he put himself, his relationship, and YOU at risk through his actions, not to mention lying about it this entire time. Your pros and cons are right, but the pros list to breaking up is incomplete if you don’t add the cons of fixing it. So your real pros list should be Not being with a cheater, punishing him, finding someone else, AND not feeling like a push over, learning to trust someone again fully, and recognizing your self worth.
Post # 10
Cheated repeatedly, lied about it, and gave you an infection?
Post # 11
I would walk away and never look back. So sorry this happened to you.
Post # 12
I would get out, only because this is a repeated situation AND he put you at risk. If it had only happened once and he confessed, I may have been more inclined to suggest counseling and trying to work it out, but he continued to go back to a “happy endings” massage knowing it was going to end up with him cheating. To me, that is the unforgiveable act. Once is maybe, maybe, forgiveable. Multiple times and endangering your health with something that takes months to clear up…no second changes there.
Post # 13
okay this is a REALLY stupid question, and I’m sure I sound totally ignorant… but can you seriously get a disease just from hand jobs?… I donno… that’s the part that seems iffy to me.
Post # 14
Leave. Guys who use prostitutes (no offense to the ladies that are just doing their jobs!) because they’re not getting any at home are scumbags.
Post # 15
LEAVE NOW. FAST!!! He cheated on you. Thats one thing on its own. BUT he cheated on you got an STD, then lied about it, put you at risk, AND THEN PASSED IT ON TO YOU!!!
Sex was more important to him, then your health was. I would leave, like yesterday. And i wouldnt look back
Post # 16
Love is never enough to make a relationship work. And you can love the wrong person.
So that leaves you mutual interests. Not going to work!