(Closed) Yep, Another He Cheated Post. Long

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do?
    Ditch the prostitute using scum bag : (406 votes)
    87 %
    Work it out. It was only hand jobs : (9 votes)
    2 %
    See what happens after more therapy : (49 votes)
    11 %
    Something else? explain : (1 votes)
    0 %
  • Post # 63
    Member
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee

    I just want to screaaammmmmmmmmm…

    I will say it a million times.  LOVE is not enough.  It does not matter how you feel about him.  You cannot make this decision based on how you feel about him because the heart is deceitful and not logical.  I know it is so so hard but you have to look at what he did.  Not only did this man cheat once, he went back REPEATEDLY.  It doesnt matter that you guys were not having much sex.  It is unacceptable to behave this way.  You teach people how to treat you. You will never trust him again.  Why would you want to live like that forever in a state of suspicion?  What if you guys have a dry spell in your marriage?  Dry spells will happen.  There are times you may not be able to have sex.  He told you he has no self control. That is basically what he said.  If I were you, I would run the other way. I know it’s easier said than done because I have been there. But you can do it.

    If he did this 3 months after an engagement, how about 1,2, or 3 years AFTER a MARRIAGE? And how do you know it was not  more than a hand job?

    Post # 64
    Member
    1780 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @oldrockingchair:  seriously huni,praying for you, defenitly get full testing NOW! your health is not a joke, and untreated Save-The-Date Cards even the minor ones can lead to infertility and life long health problems, keep your head up, go on vacay, do self reflection,and take care of YOU! take a break from him, get tested, and do you first… then figure out the relationship

    Post # 65
    Member
    2853 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    You do realize the only reason he confessed about the infection and where he got it from was that you came down with it, were likely going to see a doctor about it, and then realize the only place you would have gotten it would have been from him? He pre-emptively confessed because he knew he would be caught out anyway. He didn’t confess when he contracted the infection – he treated it and kept quiet. If he had actually cared about the risk of infecting you he would have confessed there and then and told you to go get checked out BEFORE you even had symptoms! What if you had ended up with pelvic inflammatory disease that led to infertility?
    He cheated on you. He lied to you. He proposed to you. He cheated on you again. He contracted an illness, treated it, kept silent. He KEPT lying to you. This is not just one lie, one isolated incident. This is a series of lies, a series of indiscretions, a series of self-preserving acts where he was at no point thinking of you.
    Nevermind the cheating aspect for a moment – he directly, knowingly, repeatedly put your health and wellness at risk for his own fleeting sexual gratification. Even when he found out the risk was now reality and he found out he had an infection and he’d likely already infected you without you knowing, he STILL kept quiet until you showed symptoms. He STILL risked your health AGAIN by not alerting you before you showed symptoms.
    If you love him and can forgive him for cheating, that’s fine. Can you forgive him for risking your healthy, your fertility? What if you never showed symptoms? What if you just carried it for years to come? You would never have known.
    I have a friend who caught herpes from her cheating partner while she was pregnant. She didn’t know she had it. It wasn’t until she gave birth and her son contracted the virus and almost DIED that she found out she had it.

    Cheating aside, I know I could never forgive a man who put me at risk like that in regards to my health.

    Cheating in – I’d be kicking him in the balls with my tallest stilettos on, then pushing him out the door.

    Post # 66
    Member
    9951 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    First off BIG (( HUGS )) because I know you are hurting (and confused) right now

    I take it from your post that you guys are not married at this point in time

    To me that says a lot / makes a HUGE difference

    I see soooo many RED FLAGS on why I wouldn’t want to remain in a relationship with this man any longer

    • He cheated
    • He cheated when “the going got rough” in your relationship
    • He lied about it
    • He lied in counselling
    • He gave you a skin “infection” (STD?)
    • He got caught and only then told you about the situation (and we assume that he is telling us the truth now ??)
    • He’s broken TRUST… maybe to the point that it isn’t fixable

    Honestly, if he can’t keep his thing in his pants NOW when you guys are Engaged and truly closer in LOVE in your life than you’ll ever be at any time in the future

    Then what really makes you think it’ll be any different… 5 or 10 years from now… when you have more time invested and maybe kiddies in tow asking “Mommy WHY are we leaving Daddy”… (when you can’t really tell them because he can’t keep his pen!s at home !!)

    Marriage is hard… and there will be plenty of times when it will take ALL THAT YOU HAVE, AND ALL THAT YOU ARE from BOTH of you to make it thru.

    This honestly is NOT THE MAN FOR THE JOB

    Do yourself a HUGE favour… pack your stuff and go

    GET out of this relationship NOW… and go find someone who really really loves you with all their heart, soul (and body)… because you are an AMAZING Woman and they’d no more want to share you with others, than you’d want to share them with anyone else either

    It is all about TRUST and RESPECT… sadly this relationship you are now in is severely lacking in that department.

     

    Post # 67
    Member
    1397 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @oldrockingchair:  LOVE YOURSELF MORE. leave him. i know you have a lot of good things to say about him, but ultimately he cheated on your multiple times and lied about it. He only confessed when he saw no other way out. He’s putting your health and life at risk. Walk away. It’s hard, but you’ll be happy you did.

    Post # 68
    Member
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee

    @lanalnoco:  Oh yeah, and to add to what you said, there are always “good” things to say about someone even when they treat us horribly.  And sometimes, we hold onto the good.  But we have to remember that this good is not the entire person.  He is also the ‘bad’.  I have heard women who were abused say, ‘But he’s a great provider’.  Or, ‘But he is not like this all the time and he makes me laugh.’  Yeah, he makes you laugh but he knocked you upside the head last week. 

    Post # 69
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Run!  This is someone who has some serious issues with commitment and honesty.  I really feel like if he was able to do this on multiple occasions already, he will do it again.  What happens when you have kids and things get difficult?  And he gave you an STD!  He is not only cheating, he is putting your health, and possible life, on the line!  I know starting over is difficult, but your deserve love and respect.  Your Fiance is unable of giving you either.

    Post # 70
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think you should leave, he did it repeatedly and lied 🙁

    Post # 71
    Member
    2950 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i didnt read the other responses (running short on time) but the bottom line is this man cheated on you, lied about it, AND knowingly gave you an STDinfection.

    Leave his nasty ass and move on. Who cares if you were together 5 years. He sucks. you can do SOOOOOOO much better

    Post # 72
    Member
    3420 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

    @Regina Phalange:  +100!

    HE GAVE YOU AN INFECTION!!!!! He went to see a prostitute (whore/victim of probably some human trafficing)

    Get

    the

    hell

    out!

    Don’t be a pushover

    Post # 73
    Member
    1889 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    That is so awful–you poor thing!  Cry

    As indicated in the poll, he is a “Prostitute-using scum bag”–and even better, a prostitute-using scumbag who gave you a “viral infection” he caught from the unprotected whatever he was doing with the prostitute(s)!  I think you should be thinking more about whether it’s worth the enegy for you to sue him for your medical expenses, than whether you should stay with him.

    Post # 74
    Member
    491 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    He got…and then gave you…a skin infection? From a hand job? 

    You know there’s more to this, right? You’re not that naive, are you? 

    Post # 75
    Member
    5423 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Sayonara. 

    Post # 76
    Member
    2787 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @kansas_nurse:  +1

    I can’t pretend to understand what you are going through. I don’t know him or you or what you have had for 5years. Only you know. Someone said not to listen to the heart because it is emotional. Anger is an emotion, too, and my only advice is to try and see past both the anger/hurt AND the love and to really understand what you need and want. You’ll have to live with your decision either way, so you need to make the best one for you. (((((HUGS))))) I’m so very sorry that you’re going through this.

    The topic ‘Yep, Another He Cheated Post. Long’ is closed to new replies.

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