(Closed) Yep… another one of those :(

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
621 posts
Busy bee

I think you need to be more direct in talking to this guy. I don’t think he understands how much this is bothering you and it doesn’t help that you are afraid to bring it up. 

Have told him straight out “I want to get engaged this year and married next year?” You said you’d “love to get engaged within the next year” but that could easily be taken as “It’d be nice but not necessary to be engaged within the next year.” 

Post # 17
Member
524 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
latonyc :  First, dont every give that aging lady line. you give a big eye roll to everyone older.

second-figure out what you want: to be with your boyfriend? to be married? because those two things may not come in together. 

third- you figure out where you are and what you want? time to talk to the BF, and see where he’s at, and what he wants and you let him know what you want? if there’s any chance you guys can agree on things? AWESOME! if not, walk away. 

Don’t buy a house first. That’s a classic BS move to block an objective. There will always be something to stop you from doing something if you seek it. What happens if you buy a house and then he still doesn’t want to get married and you decide to walk? UGH, now you have to deal with property division. messy! He may not be excited to get married and have a wedding, but he may do it if he wants to be with you. Its not the most romantic, but I know PLENTY of men who did just that. They didn’t want to lose their girl, and so they married. 

 

Post # 18
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

OP, please listen to FrenchToastnCoffee . She spelled out it pretty clearly.

You need to be clear on how important marriage is to you. Everyone is “aging” so please don’t continue that BS about age.

Post # 19
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Despite him saying he would like to get married before a house, I don’t believe him. Each time you discuss this, he has excuses. He is almost 40, and you’ve been together for 6 years. Some men who have a horrible marriage that ended in divorce will never ever get married again. They do not want to risk going through the pain more than once. There are some men who will get married multiple times, too. But, he is does not sound happy, excited, or even interested in marrying again. Do you want to marry someone who is at best indifferent about marrying you? I really think you may want to move on if you want to be married with kids by 35.

Post # 21
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
latonyc :  I’m 31 and you are NOT aging lol, you’re young still. After 4 years, I personally would need a very specific answer immediately. Saying he wants to get a house and etc. are excuses. I would ask him straight up if he plans to marry you and exactly when. If you are not on the same page, that’s a huge problem and I wouldn’t want to waste my time. It’s time for a tough and detailed discussion.

Post # 22
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Wait a second…in your original post, you said when you asked him about simply getting engaged he said “well let’s get a house first,” in addition to “I’m just waiting for the right time.”

Then in your update, you said you had a talk with him and he said he definitely want to get married before you get a house, and also that he doesn’t have a specific time frame…so which is it exactly??? House or marriage first? If his reasons for his preference of the order are changing, maybe he is using one excuse to delay the other?

ETA: Everyone needs to calm down about the fact that you said you are an aging woman…news flash ladies, we are all aging women, there’s no stopping it! That is basically just another way of saying your biological clock is ticking or you’re not getting any younger, nothing wrong with aging (we all do it, haha) you are just being realistic about your plans for children. It’s not like you said “I’m an old lady” haha

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