(Closed) Yep. My mom got engaged to the dude.

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2143 posts
Buzzing bee

aw. Sorry. I remember you making a post about this before, being worried about it. If it makes you feel better, my mom was trying to suggest a double wedding (I think she was joking, but who knows) for me and her with a guy who didnt even want to marry her… I definitely feel you about mom’s with their antics. It’s so frustrating! Hang in there though, and at least breathe a sigh of relief that you don’t live nearby and have T to help you through it!

Post # 4
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry Bellenga!  And I can’t believe she would steal your wedding by telling everyone she is engaged that day even though she is engaged now!

Post # 6
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

It’s incredibly hurtful that your mother isn’t more involved in your and your child’s life.

However, I wonder about how life was for her when she had kids?  Today there is a lot of pressure on women to sacrifice for kids (just look at some of the threads on weddingbee!), sacrifice, sacrifice and I think it was even worse thrity years ago.  Maybe she’s scared to interacting too much with her grandkids or caring too much and being asked to sacrifice more?  Maybe she feels she’s done her time.  She’s got no one depending on her any more, it’s her chance to do anything she feels like. 

I would also guess that she doesn’t want to spend a lot of time with people who visibly disapprove of her life and are pressuring her to change it. 

Post # 7
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow this sucks. I can’t believe she’s using your wedding as an “i’m engaged” platform when she actually has to ask you if she should wear her own ring!

It’s all so strange. I know you will handle it like the classy lady you are, just try not to let it burn too much. It’s hard when parents change so much. i know i’ve seen it in mine and I’m just not thrilled with their new attitudes to say the least.

Maybe it wont’ be as dramatic in the end? I hope for your sake! Maybe she’ll elope….? =]

Post # 8
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh man, bummer! You totally need to tell everyone and get the word out before your wedding but I’m sure you know that. Eek. Mombridezilla. I can’t even imagine. ((hugs))

Post # 9
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

Oh, so sorry to hear this!  Have you expressed your concers to her (the lying, the distance she has been keeping, etc) and let her know how it makes you and your sister feel?  This is so disappointing…I feel really bad for all of you guys!

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m really sorry to hear bellenga. I remember you talking about your mom and this guy before. Definitely don’t let her take the spotlight away from you on your big day. You’ve earned it more than anyone, and she hasn’t been a very good mother to you or your sister in the last 10 years or a good grandmother to your son.

Post # 12
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

It definitely sounds like she is selfish, it’s just that in my opinion, sometimes it’s okay to be selfish.  There’s so much pressure and expectations on mothers not to be selfish.  Once your kids are grown IMO you’re allowed to be selfish.  You can’t demand other people care as much about you as before when you act selfishly but you’re allowed to have your own priorities. I know you want more of a relationship with her but you and M are probably not willing to have dinner with her four times a week (if she lived nearbly) and she needs someone to do that with, to insist she prioritise her grown children who have their own families and lives and can’t prioritise her back is maybe asking a lot, you can’t ask her to spend her live lonely. 

You sound like you don’t like her much and don’t respect her.  I know you said she had a privileged upbringing and I don’t doubt it but I was wondering how having children, you and your sister, impacted her life and her dreams.  Maybe she was a person who found parenting to be really difficult. 

No matter what happens I know you’re going to have an amazing wedding and I think this will be barely a blip on the radar. 

Post # 13
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

((HUGS))

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

ugghhh – sending hugs Belle and focus on your happy future… if your mum is a part of that good but if not, be happy and healthy

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