(Closed) Yep, this anon. I sound 4yrs old, sorry- VENT

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

What field is he in?  Can you move somewhere where he’ll have a better chance at finding a job?  This economy sucks balls and it can be HARD to find that job, especially if you’re in a tough field.  I was unemployed for 9 months after finishing my advanced degree (wildlife biology) and I still feel super lucky to have landed a permanent job (although I’ll have to give it up when we have kids in a few years and who knows if I can find another…)

You gotta just stick it out.  We went from both being students or unemployed, barely scraping by, mooching off parents well into our late 20s, etc etc, all the stuff that makes you feel like an absolute loser – to both having nice full-time jobs with good paychecks and benefits.  Not sure how old you are, but it’s harder and harder to achieve those things in your early or mid 20s these days.  

In the meantime, it’s key to just be positive and supportive.  Being unemployed is so so sucky and it just kills your sense of self-worth.  Stay upbeat (even if you have to fake it) and keep him motivated and positive.  And be realistic about WHAT, if anything, you and he can do to increase his chances.  Move somewhere else?  Go back to school in a better field?  All those options should be on the table after a whole year of no luck.

As for the wedding, you can either have family pay for it (if offered and affordable for them), elope / courthouse, or wait til you’re better established.  No real options beside those…  πŸ™

Post # 4
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

What field is he in? Is he networking? Is he in a young professionals group for his field? He needs to not just be sending out resumes but actually going out and meeting loads of people.

Post # 5
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@hiding1987:  Unfortunately it took me almost 3 years to find a full time job in my career field after graduation.  In the interim I took on contract positions and worked underemployed answering phones and scheduling appointments so I could pay my bills.

I second the PP’s suggestion to look in other cities and states for a job.  Sometimes it’s worth moving.  Otherwise, he needs to find something, even if it’s just signing up to work for a temp agency.  Being employed will make him more employable than if he goes jobless for a long period of time.

Post # 7
4525 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m in a similar situation, only as a waiting bee. I’m also the one without a good job. We very much want to be married in two year, but we don’t know if it’ll happen πŸ™

Post # 11
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Its hard starting out…especially now.  Even back when I graduated years ago, I struggled.  So, I signed up for temp jobs, worked at a bookstore, etc. Not fun.  I finally got hired on with the company I was temping for.  Was it my dream job?  No.  Was it even in my field?  Nope….but it paid and it helped start to beef up my resume.  I suspect the longer it goes, the more stressed you will feel.  πŸ™‚

Maybe its time for him to start temping or part timing it?  And it alwasy looks better to be working, even if not in your field, than to have nothing on a resume….from an HR hiring perspective.  If he needs resume/searching tips I have tons…PM me!

πŸ™‚ Good luck!

Post # 12
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sounds like your priorities are wrong! He will get a job eventually, just that times are hard now. Being in a relationship involves being supportive through the tough times. You are being so unfair on your fiance by comparing to this older guy, if this older guy was your fiance’s age he probably would have been struggling too. If I was your fiance, I would be so hurt by your words.

Post # 13
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@hiding1987:  I think you’re having totally normal feelings!  You’re not a bad person. πŸ™‚

@BridalBeckyBee:  I disagree with this.  She is not at all being unsupportive.  My Fiance is trying to get a record deal.  He is very talented, but that is incredibly difficult, particularly in his genre.  That has been his dream since he was a kid.  I am supportive, but following the dream does go hand in hand with a ‘dead end’ job in the meantime.  Does part of me wish he’d gone a more practical route?  DAMN RIGHT.  It doesn’t mean I love him any less.

Post # 15
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Is he calling/emailing to follow up after he turns in the applications/resumes? Has he considered trying a temp agency? That’s how my Darling Husband ended up with his permanent position – he was hired on through the temp agency for an entry level position, and they liked him so much they hired him full time. After 6 months or so he was able to transfer to a position in his field which pays much better.

My Darling Husband was out of work for 2ish years also, so I feel your pain there. Thankfully we were fine on just my salary, but job hunting for that long really sucks your soul, lol.

Post # 16
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hiding1987:  You’re NOT a horrible person. You’re human.  You have feelings and cares and concerns and they’re NORMAL.  Take a deep breath.  You love him – you want to be with him, don’t worry so much about a time line.  My granny called that “Borrowing Troubles”.   Deal with the job situation first.  Could he get SOME kind of employment that would at least be a contributing income while he looks? Sometimes it’s easier to find a job when you already have one.  That is what Darling Husband did.  He didn’t exactly LIKE his part time job – but the bills didn’t like not getting paid, either.  He sucked it up and did what he had to do to contribute to his part of the bills.

Best of luck, girl!  (((((hugs)))))

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