- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2016
I am a regular poster but I wanted to go anon for this. It is long and I am sorry. Comments, opinions whatever, go ahead I hate when people post and act shocked when someone has an opinion.
Alright, Fi could not be more perfect for me (I say for me because people are not perfect). He is educated, intelligent, good looking, laid back, family oriented, loving, treats me like a princess. I could keep going but there is such a thing as over kill and I am sure you all get it. Life without him is something I can’t fathom and even thinking about it terrifies me.
So what is the problem? Well, our life together needs to start! We can’t set a date because he doesn’t have a job. Now, before anyone thinks I am painting him as lazy, I’m not. Is lack of a job is not for lack of trying, he finished school a year ago and he has been actively searching. Sadly he has only had 1 interview out of all the resumes he has sent out for the past year and the interview was just 2 weeks ago. I don’t blame him because this is not his fault, if he was sitting on his ass that would be a different story.
Could I support us? No, not with the student loan payments and sky high insurance he brings to the table. We do not want to start our life together living off of instant noodles at best. It is not like I am established in my career. Our families would also pitch a fit if we said, “hey, we can’t afford a wedding period. Living on one income and having to pay off his loan and continue paying for his insurance is more than likely not possible, oh hell it’s not possible period but we’re going to get married anyway, applaud our irresponsibility!” Really who could blame them.
Oh and I can’t blame my mother for asking, “what if he doesn’t get a job”. She has only asked once and it was not in a hateful way, it was asked in a pragmatic and loving way. Some other family members also have a hard time taking this seriously. They love him and think he is great but again nothing can move forward until he gets a job. Frankly, if this was one of my siblings/cousins/friends, I would ask the same thing. I would be wondering how long is this going to take.
I am so damn depressed because I love him more than my own life. To top it off it is extra depressing when you see things in front of your face that would equal cushy pampered life. Example, my parents had me at 16, so obviously I was one hell of a surprise, also that means their friends aren’t 25-30yrs older than me. My dad’s friend, I had a crush on since I was 12, made his feelings known in a gentleman like way. This is a man who is still f%cking hot, intelligent, highly educated, family oriented, kind, fun AND rolling in cash, I mean rolling. Life with him would equal working for maybe a year then making baby time. Obviously, I am not leaving my fiance but I can’t help it, it is not fair! (I know I sound 4 years old).
I was always a practical person and until Fi I never *really* believed in love. I mean I did but like amy from little women I subscribed to the “one does have a choice in who she marries” philosophy. Which is true but then I do fall in love and the choice goes out the window.
My life is never going to start and I think I finally cracked I am so depressed.