- Rock Hugger
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Not sure where to put this, so I am throwing this in the beehive.
I will start by saying that the most important part of our wedding is that part where Fiance and I commit to spend the rest of our lives together. I think everyone can agree there 🙂
However, IF we are spending a boat-load of money on a wedding (well, not a boat load….maybe just a dingy-ful), then I think the wedding should be more about us and less about trying to please others.
Fiance and I were discussing wedding stuff yesterday, and I was really surprised that all of a sudden, Fiance was having opinions on things he did not have an opinion on before….and I was surprised by his responses to my questions. At first, we were talkng things out – this is his wedding too and obviously I want him to enjoy it….and after a few hours, I realized (confirmed when I asked him) that he was making decisions based on what he thought his family wanted rather than what he wanted.
A bit of a back story….both my parents and FI’s parents were very genreous and gave us cash for the wedding. Neither of their contributions comes close to covering the wedding, but it does help. We are grateful for their gifts and have proceeded to plan the wedding in a very “non-tradional” way (i.e. my parents aren’t paying for the reception and his parents aren’t paying for the rehersal dinner (or so we thought) since both just gave us cash and said “plan away”. Recently, FI’s parents have told us that what we planned for the rehersal dinner was not “good enough” and have decided to host the Rehearsal Dinner. Whaevs…I am swallowing the hurt from the “not good enough” comment, realizing its not that big of a deal…and focusing on how we now have extra money in our budget (since we don’t have to pay for a Rehearsal Dinner anymore)
Now all of a sudden, Fiance is concerned with what his family wants for the wedding. FI is the “oddball” in his family and has always enjoyed other activities/food/music different from his family. That is fine with me, because Fiance and I are very compatable….which means I am also a bit of an “odd duck” when it comes to his family. When Fiance suggests something that I know would not be his first choice, I ask him if this decision is for him or his parents. His comment to me has been “Well, it really doesn’t matter, because what is important is that we are getting married.”
But I say it DOES matter…..otherwise, why the hell are we spending money on a wedding/reception? SO, yes, I want to be particular about food/music/activities associated with the wedding. And yes, I think it is perfectly fine to push his family out of their comfort zone a bit. (And no, we are not asking anyone to do anything crazy like skydive….all of our friends and my family are super excited about my plans so far. Its only his mom who has been nay-saying every.damn.idea. I have had.)
Ugh…just needed to vent!
Been there? Done that? Any advice on how to deal is appreciated!