Post # 31
Oh yeah a couple more,
When working at the same auto shop I mentioned before I had one customer who was crushing on me and would call the store regularly to ask me out. I told him I had a boyfriend and he said it didn’t matter blah blah. I just said no and didn’t think much of it because it was just on the phone.
Then he came in one day and asked repeatedly for me to go out with him, I said no. He asked when I got off work – I said “late” (I would be there until we closed) and he said he’d be outside waiting for me. I requested an escort to my car that night.
When I moved to a new city I was excited to be within walking distance of many things so I could maybe stay in better shape by walking everywhere. My first trip was to the drugstore and I was walking down the sidewalk when a car of 3 men slowed down and pulled up next to me.
They kept calling at me and I ignored them. They were asking for me number, commenting on my butt, and telling me to take my sunglasses off so they could see my face.
I told them to leave me alone and they laughed and drove off. Not even a block later I saw pretty far ahead a man sitting on the stoop of a bar. Another man walked up, tried to get it, and stoop man said “Get out of here, we’re closed!”
When I got closer the stoop man yelled to me from across my street to stop on in his bar. (After I JUST heard he was closed). I said no, he said “why not”, “c’mon”, and started calling me pet names. He wouldn’t drop it so I said I’m going in the store! He said he’d watch and wait for me to come out.
I didn’t have my cell phone so when I got in the store I asked to borrow their phone and had Fiance (then-bf) come pick me up.
I drive everywhere now.
Post # 32
Always just thought this was part of like till the hashtag, I never realized really, that it’s not right. Nothing too serious has ever happened to me, but a few things. I’m from the north west and nothing to terrible happened till I moved too the south, this could be because I was a college girl, out late in a city rather than in the woods (where I grew up) but I remember once I was walking home from class at 9pm, mind you in chef whites (not AT ALL SEXY) and this homeless man starts screaming at me, asking me to give him a “hand” and saying I should come lie down with him. I was so scared, because i was alone.
and another time was Halloween, and given I was in a “sluty” cop costume,but I don’t think this would have been okay if I was in sweats either. but I was walking in uptown with my friend and a cop, a real cop. asked me if I wanted to handcuff him and have a little fun. I was use to this from the random guys but you would think an officer of the law would be more concerned with people breaking it not a girl half their age.
I know none of this is THAT bad. But its constant. I don’t go out alone past dark, and if I have to go out, I always want a guy with me. I’m always scared. And I don’t think thats fair. i remember being out clubbing with my friends and this guy started grinding on one of my friends she asked him to stop and he slapped her and called her a prude. The bouncer wouldn’t even kick him out.
Post # 33
I’m not on twitter but I LOVE this campaign. It’s made me consider joining twitter. I deal with street harrassment on a very regular basis. Sometimes I speak up (and spoke up for another woman when a man was treating her like a piece of meat and she was obviously uncomfortable), though Darling Husband worries that it’s not safe. I’m now pregnant and starting to show, and even still I recently had this guy go on this long commentary, most of which I couldn’t clearly hear, but finished with how looking at me made him “feel like a man.” He was maybe in his 50s. I gave him a disgusted look and shook my head. That sort of feeling of entitlement to comment (if not more) on women’s bodies as they just go about their business makes me so angry.
I highly recommend the documentary Miss Repesentation (its on Netflix). The people who did that one are now working on one about masculinity, and I’m SO excited about it. http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something-absolutely-wrong-with-what-we-do-to-boys-before-they-grow-into-men?c=mrp1 I think we’ve failed boys/men in many ways by seeing gender as a “women’s” issue, as if male is the default and any conversation about gender must be about something outside of that default. I think crime, for example, should be a gender issue. If women were committing 90%+ of criminal acts, there would be all this hand wringing about what’s making women do these acts. But because it’s men doing it, we just think that’s normal. And I think that harms men, and all society.
I’m pregnant with a boy, and these conversations are going to be a frequent thing in our home.
Post # 34
1. I went from a B cup to a Dear Daughter in one summer – between 9th and 10th grade. I was a tiny little thing and boys noticed. I was very quiet and shy, and it made me terribly self-consious – I basically lived in oversize sweatshirts and turtlenecks (sometimes both at once). Several boys in my English class began to harrass me – when I walked into the room they’d call out “titties” and “nipples” and “boobs”, over and over again. Sometimes they’d whisper it to me as they walked by. I wish I had stood up for myself, but I was terrified and paralyzed into silence. This went on every single day.
My FEMALE teacher never said a word to them. Never protected me. She pretended she didn’t hear anything (trust me, EVERYONE heard). She just let them harass me for the entire semester. I hope that bitch rots in hell.
2. A male “friend”actually freaked out and screamed at me in public after he told me he wanted more than friendship and I told him I wasn’t interested. I understand that sometimes in opposite sex friendships, feelings can develop, and rejection sucks, but he basically felt that by being nice to me for a few years and acting like my friend, he had somehow “earned” the right to date me, for me to “give him a chance”, and I “owed” him.
I could go on but now I feel sick and sad. There is no way most men could truly understand how demeaning it feels to be reduced to a body part or a thing to be “earned”.
Post # 35
UGH I have a story or two much to personal to share but sadly a lot of my other stories sound just like a lot of the other bees. That makes me sad!
Men should be required to take a ‘ how to act like a respectable human being’ class in hs as a requirement for graduation. I swear if men had to deal with the type of shit women do, there would be national campaigns, the president would make a speech, national protests lol
Anyway one of the ones I am willing to share (which isnt bad but really goes to show how men think they are just entitled to womens attention/time) is when I was out getting a drink at a bar with my female friend. We were sitting in a booth ( not even AT the bar!) and this guy comes up and sits at our table and tries chatting us up
We were both in serious relationships and I told him we were both taken/not interested in talking to him and he calls me stuck up (among other things) and storms out!
Like sorry, why do I have to entertain/flirt with you when you sit uninvited at my booth???? Then you get mad? What the actual fuck?
Post # 36
Ugh, in high school my math teacher was always making STRANGE comments to me.
Like I had a shirt that said “The Beatles” right across my bust and he said ” The Beatles, hu?” (which in and of itself is FINE) but then another student said “Mr. G___ you shouldn’t look there” and he replied with “How can I resist?”
When I started dating my SO (now DH) he started asking him all kinds of strange questions like “Have you kissed her yet? Do you feel like the luckiest guy in the world?”
Also, I was a cheerleader going up north (and we are from a TINY town in the South) and he gave me money to go to Victoria secret to get some lotion’s for his wife (it was around Valentines Day) and he gave me extra to get me some too….
Now IDK… some of these might be nothing to people… but they made ME feel strange. And there were other incidents, I just don’t remember them all.
Also, he kept telling me ever since I was a freshman that he had something to tell me but he had to wait until after I was graduated otherwise it would be innapropriate” It wasn’t what I thought, but it was a serious WTF moment!
Also, a few days before I graduated I got pulled into the Principals office and they grilled me on him asking me all of the things he had said to me… apparently someone said something to them. He left the school shortly after.
I was going to go through and edit all the spelling and punctuation mistakes I know I just made, but I have a lazy… just know I see them too. 😛
Post # 37
Seeing the sheer quantity of stories that WE ALL have just reiterates how important #yesallwomen is. at first i literally thought “oh i’ve been really lucky, nothing has happened to me. then i delved in a bit further. here are the first examples off the top of my head:
– on a bus in Berlin i was sitting and a man put his HARD ERECTION on my leg. i just kept moving my leg and he kept putting it back with this creepy smile on his face. i was disgusted obviously and we got off the bus. he followed us off and started blowing kisses at us and chasing us. we found some random tourists and asked them to pretend they knew us. only then did i feel comfortable yelling at the guy to leave us alone. i see now how effed up that is. and i remember blaming myself SO MUCH for not saying something earlier… like it was my fault it continued.
– the same european trip, we were in london and my friend wanted to stay in and i wanted to go out. i met a bunch of spanish guys at the hostel and they said i could go out with them. we were standing outside a bar and one of the guys nudged me (the only girl in the group). i looked down and his penis was OUT OF HIS PANTS, IN HIS HAND. i instantly booted it back to the hostel.
– working as a server, i have heard countless inappropriate comments and been touched inappropriately countless times. as a grown woman, it makes me sick how much i have giggled along, acted flattered or done things i didn’t want to do because it was easier than saying no.
Post # 38
I always hear men say “Well I wouldn’t be offended if someone grabbed my ass” and I think of this:
Post # 39
nightborn: There is no way most men could truly understand how demeaning it feels to be reduced to a body part or a thing to be “earned”.
Right? This makes me so upset.
I went on a rebound date with a guy while my now-FI and I were on a brief breakup. We just went to dinner and it was like the first time we’ve hung out. Honestly, I wasn’t that into it, he was kind of a douche.
So when the check came I offered to pay and he refused. I told him I could at least pay my half and he said no it’s ok.
So we go outside to our cars and he reaches in to hug/kiss me and I give him the cheek.
He says “So I paid for dinner and all I get is a cheek kiss?”
OH EXCUSE ME, I didn’t realize a $30 dinner at a Applebees or whatever (that I OFFERED to pay for) earned you anything from me but a thank you!
Post # 40
Well, I was sexually abused for years as a child, so that’s obviously a big one.
But even more minor (yet still terrible incidents) such as being followed by a car, catcalled, etc. I was once with a group of friends walking down the street, and this car full of young men went past us. They yelled something out of the window. Then they turned around and drove past us again. And again. It was starting to get frightening, so we turned down another street to get away.
If any creep does anything to me in public and within arm’s distance, I won’t hesitate to punch him in the face. I’m not made to be used. That shit happened in the past, and it isn’t happening again on my watch.
Post # 41
I could fill pages with all the misogyny and sexual harrassment directed at me. I don’t want to list all the horrible things that have happened, but I have also noticed a general trend. When I am walking around with a man I am treated with more respect than when I am by myself.
If I were to say “I have a boyfriend” to some thirsty rando hitting on me he usually would drop it, but saying “I have a girlfriend” gets me more sexual harrasment. Just plain “I’m not interested” is met with hostility and anger. Even saying “I’m in a relationship” gets questions and accusations(like I’m lying or what kind of relationship and gross innuendos). But if I say “I am not interested” or better yet “I’m taken” while calling attention to my decoy ring, dudes back off a lot more politely. I shouldn’t have to wear a ring (or lie) to be treated with respect.