(Closed) Yet another ? about rehearsal dinner invites.

posted 5 years ago in Parties
  • poll: To invite or not invite the aunts and uncles and extra cousins.
    Should we just invite everyone? : (5 votes)
    21 %
    Should I stick with my original plan on who to invite? : (19 votes)
    79 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    428 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @BruderLove:  Are you and your Fiance paying for the dinner? If so, invite only who you want to be there! The hot-headed aunt can complain and confront all she wants, but you’re completely within your right to keep things intimate.

    Post # 4
    Member
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    stick with your plan. Ours was the same as yours – parents, wedding party and dates, grandparents.  My parents MADE us invite my 3 aunts/uncles and their kids and I am SUPER PISSED AND BITTER about it (oh if you don’t invite X they’ll be mad and if you invite X you have to invite Y and Z!).  I’m not close with them at all – in fact my mom’s actively feuding with 1/2 of them!  I’d much rather FI’s aunts/uncles/cousins whom I LOVE be there, but he’s not inviting them.  BTW did I mention how BITTER i am about it?!  I’m so damn sick of this wedding about what everyone else wants and everyone else’s feelings and not MINE AND MY FIANCES!

    Post # 6
    Member
    428 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @BruderLove:  Well, as long as no one else is “hosting” the dinner (and therefore in charge of the guest list), I see no reason to invite your entire family.

    Post # 9
    Member
    8298 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would only invite the people you want to come. Our rehearsal dinner was only 8 people, all immediate family and I really enjoyed it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @BruderLove: Don’t let people bully you around, do what YOU want. If you only want certain people there, only invite certain people. We also are keeping it limited to the bridal party & their dates & our parents. There’s no need to invite everyone and their brother, they’ll all be there at the wedding.

    Post # 11
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    There is a person who really wants to attend my rehearsal dinner who does not meet the criteria we set out for issuing invitations.  I invited them anyway.  It means a lot to them and I decided to be touched rather than annoyed.  I think a wedding weekend is about joy and inclusiveness… not conflict. So this aunt is like this… it’s who she is.  I’d just invite her and be done with it.  Use my time and energy for more happy things.

    Post # 12
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee

    My first wedding..just the wedding party and thier SO and parents were there.  We invited the readers and the ushers too. Anyone actually INVOLVED in the wedding were there.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    983 posts
    Busy bee

    This is from Wikipedia:

     

    rehearsal dinner is a pre-wedding ceremony in North American tradition, usually held after the wedding rehearsal and the night before the wedding ceremony.

    The guests generally include the couple to be married and others who form the wedding party, but may also include extended family and out-of-town guests. The rehearsal dinner costs are traditionally incurred by the groom’s parents. However, modern traditions allow for either the bride’s or the groom’s parents to incur these costs.

    The purpose of the rehearsal dinner is for the relatives and friends of the bride and groom to meet and have a good time. The couple generally takes this opportunity to thank everyone who has helped with the wedding preparations. Activities generally include toasting (or roasting) and the presentation of small gifts for those who have helped plan the wedding.

    Post # 14
    Member
    11342 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @BruderLove:  Unless they are playing a role in your wedding and are expected to participate in the rehearsal, there is no need for extended family members to be invited to the rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner.

    As long as you include your parents and any other immediate family members you may wish to invite, along with everyone in your wedding party, and anyone else who is expected to attend your rehearsal and play a role in your wedding (those providing music or doing readings, your officiant, etc.) and their spouses or fiances (this would also include live-in partners, whom etiquette treats as being secretly married), you should be fine.

    ETA:  I just saw that your rehearsal dinner will not be a hosted event. Hmmm. I think that this factor complicates the situation, as it is customary for the rehearsal dinner not to become an added expense for the members of the bridal party and others participating in the wedding.  Rather, it is generally offered as a way of thanking those who have given their time to travel to and participate in your rehearsal.

    Is the aunt aware that this is the case? If not, she may no longer be so intent on attending if she were to be informed that she is expected to pay for her own meal. On the other hand, if she knows that the event will not be hosted, being told that she is barred from choosing to spend her own time and money at a non-hosted event that involves dining with her extended family members may be much more difficult for her to accept.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1106 posts
    Bumble bee

    The rehearsal dinner is a more intimate situation is for those who are closest to you, not for everyone coming to the wedding.  I mean, it can be, but if you don’t want her there and you want it to be more intimate, don’t invite her.  She may huff and puff but also if you talk to her sibling (FI’s mom/dad?) and let them know they can help to smooth it over.

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