- 11 years ago
So I’ll spare you the details about how I’m a regular blogger here, posting anonymously blah blah blah. This happens all the time. Girls get sad, and do just what I’m doing now.
My boyfriend is amazing. He is sweet and wonderful. He brings me flowers all the time, and cooks me dinner and loves me so much. He is nuts about me. He is the first man in my life that I have ever felt like really “got” me. Like, he truly understands the essence of me– not the girl who is all dressed up to go to dinner, but he loves me in my PJs, and he gets my stupid sense of humor, and he LOVES me so much. I love him too. He is my best best friend. I’ve never felt the way about anyone that I do about him. We live together, and have been dating a little over a year. We have talked marriage from very early on, and he has bought me an engagement ring (no proposal yet). The engagement is currently ON HOLD, as is the rest of the relationship, frankly.
Why? Well because last week he sprung some news on me that I wasn’t prepared for. I’ve known all along how finanically irresponsible he was beore he met me. I knew he had debt, and I knew he had a car reposession. He was married before and blamed a lot of this on his previous relationship.
He would tell me vague things like “I think I owe about $1000 to my old college” (he never finished school). He never had concrete figures. So we fought about this issue continually, I would cry and say I didn’t understand how he could be so irresponsible, he would promise to get a second job. He would do something IN THE MOMENT to satisfy me (like fill out an online application for a second job) and then never go apply.
So last week we got in another fight about his finances and he blurts out “Well I haven’t had the money since they started taking it out of my paycheck to pay back my college”
He says: “Yeah they started taking it out of my paycheck”
We are talking wage garnishment here folks. What happens to people when they are SUCH deadbeats that the GOVERNMENT starts taking away their paychecks. So I told him I wanted exact figures on everything he owed (down to dollars and cents). The next day he called the companies and told me.
The “$1000” he owed to a jeweler for his ex wifes ring? Now $3400 because it has been in collections for THREE YEARS.
Also his tuition is more like $4000.
So I cried again, and we fought again and I told him I wanted him to move out because I just didn’t think I could deal with it. H eleft his credit report open on my laptop last night by accident and I saw TWO MORE debts he never told me about ($1400 to his old apartment complex, and $600 to a cell phone company).
He said he has “no idea” what the apartment charge is about. Who does that? Who gets charged $1400 and NEVER looks into it to figure out why????
I’m sorry this is so long, I just really need help. He is a great love for me. He is my whole world. He has a great job that he has had for 8 years and makes good money at, he pays the rent on time (usually) and keeps up with bills here at our place. I have never had to loan him money. I want to make it clear that I’m NOT supporting him in any way. But I am terrified that his attitude towards money is too ingrained to ever change (he is 28). I don’t want to not be able to get a mortgage or a car loan or those types of things because of his irresponsibility. I wonder if I wasn’t here bitching at him 24/7 to address these issues, would he address them at all? What will make him realize I’m serious?
So I’ve asked him to move out, because it’s impossible for me to get any distance from the relationship with him here. He has a job interview today for a second job. He has called Consumer Credit Counseling.
My question is: would you give him another chance? If so, how much of one? Should I break up with him for awhile and see how much he can get it together? Should I just back off from the relationship but continue to see him? What kind of deadline would you give him?
I’m moving to another city in August with or without him. I feel betrayed, and so hopeless. This is the man that I thought was The One. I love him with my whole heart, but I know that money is the #1 reason people get divorced. Do I walk away from someone I love like this because he doesn’t ever get serious about his finances?
The kicker? His credit score is a 470. Let that sink in for you. If I stay with him, I am dooming myself to a lifetime of never having the things I want (a home, a nicer car, property, etc).
Ladies, please bump this thread if you can. I need lots of advice.