- 11 years ago
- Wedding: November 2009
Having been in this situation, but on HIS end of it, let me explain how I think he might have felt and why he didn’t tell you.
First of all, he didn’t know the amount of debt he had. I didn’t either, because I didn’t want to deal with it. He didn’t either. And when people don’t want to deal with something, what do they do? Pretend it doesn’t exist. And debt is one of those things that is easy to ignore. Unless bill collectors are calling you all day, every day, you don’t think about it on a daily basis. It only comes up when you need something and can’t get it.
Second, he was embarassed. Of course he was. So was I. Telling my Fiance about my debt sucked. I did have to step up and take control of my situation, and so will he, one way or another – with or without you. The question is, will he? Do you believe he will? Has he committed to this? You need to find out.
He’s not a deadbeat because the government is garnishing his wages. This is very common with student loans and college debt. He’s actually in fairly good company right now, with the present state of our country. We rack up debt in our own little ways. For me, my industry folded, and I was laid off again and again and again. Credit card bills didn’t get paid, but I still needed them to survive. It happens. But it has to be handled.
Do you love him? Will you see him through this? That’s your decision. But as to whether or not he fixes his debt situation – that’s HIS decision. But try not to judge so harshly. I don’t think he was purposefully deceiving you. Try to put yourself in his shoes, and then once you are no longer in shock and no longer emotional, have a conversation with him – not a why is this, or how could you or why didn’t you… but a what are you going to do to fix this, for real – conversation.
And only after that – should you make your decision. Best of luck to you.