- 8 years ago
Hi ladies. Sorry about adding another post to the mix about going crazy waiting and waiting for a proposal, I know so many of us are in the same boat and thus there are so many posts out there like this. But I just wanted to vent!
My boyfriend and I will be together 2 years this coming August. We moved in together after 3 months of dating and we also work together, so we see each other a LOT. I thought a proposal would be coming when we travel to Mexico in August to celebrate our anniversary, but now it seems that that will not be the case.
I started talking marriage probably around a year ago, and last year I was hoping he would propose in October when we went to the Caribbean. That was too soon for him though and he wanted me to fix my anger issues and tendency to blow up at him. I started going to a counselor in January of this year and have been going ever since. We even went to a few couples sessions. It helped tremendously and he said that he has seen the change in me. Well, around March/April I brought up engagement again and asked him that since I had changed what he wanted and it had improved our relationship in turn if we would be taking the next step forward. He told me that he supposed he had to take my feelings into account, knows how impatient I am, and he has a tendency to procrastinate. I felt that at least the idea was in his head again and we would be moving forward sooner rather than later.
Every few weeks after that I would joke about him saving for a ring, like when he would go to pay our check at dinner I would grab it instead and say “I’ll get this one, you need to save your money for other shiny things.” Stuff like that. His reaction towards it made me think that he actually was saving for a ring. We even had an argument one day because I got upset that he cancelled his overtime shift and I told him I was upset because I had thought he told me that he needed those overtime shifts to save for a ring. He admitted he was saving, but he just was too exhausted to work the extra shift that week.
Time passed and small jokes still passed between us. About two weeks ago I complained to my counselor that I was getting more and more frustrated that he hadn’t proposed yet. She told me basically that if it was bothering me that much I should talk to him. A week after that I went back and forth in my mind about whether or not I should discuss it. He could see I was bothered and actually told me to tell him (he said he could guess that was what it was about). We got into this huge conversation about how much I wanted to get engaged and then he tells me that he is saving for a ring, but he is NOT ready to commit. He wants things to be better between “us” and he basically wants to feel more loved (by me showing him more affection on a regular basis) and he wants me to feel more loved. He sounds like he’s looking more for a 2012 timeframe for marriage. I agreed with him to give up on my desired timeline (engagement by September and wedding around August 2011) and to stop bringing things up. It’s almost impossible for me to do this because I’m so frustrated, but I’m trying.
I’ve been doing tons in the last week since our conversation to make him feel more loved, and he’s noticed the difference. But he’s done hardly anything to change like he said he wanted to do before taking the step towards proposal. We got into another huge argument last night over it and I basically got so frustrated that I told him bluntly that he needs to take the steps he thinks he needs to take in order to get to the place that he needs to be to propose. I just feel like he knows what he wants to change, so why can’t he hurry up and get on it so that he can propose? I don’t like having any control over this situation and I’ve done all I can to do what he needed from me.
I am incredibly impatient and I hate feeling like I have no control over things. I’ve been trying to take advice from other posts and not bring up marriage/engagement as well as find things to do for myself/on my own. I’ve been reading more, trying to find a new hobby, and I’ve started going to the gym on a regular basis. But it’s not helping me. I am going crazy. It doesn’t help that I still read into things and think that there might be a possibility that he still might propose when we go to Mexico in August. One of my friends said her boyfriend (now husband) said something similar to throw her off and then he proposed anyway, and another friend at work told me that a couple weeks ago my boyfriend said that he only needed to work a few more overtime shifts before he’d have enough money to buy what he was saving for (she said he implied it was a ring). I feel so back and forth, and up and down, that I’m seriously stressed out. It doesn’t help that I have one of the most stressful jobs in the country. WHYYYYY can’t he just propose already?
Sorry for the long post and the venting. It feels good to get it off my chest, lol. Thanks for listening.