(Closed) Yet another RSVP rant…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Mstomrs29:  I would call your aunt and ask her personally.  tell her you’ll be disappointed if she’s not there, but you understand and need to know so that you can invite a few other people.

Post # 4
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would just call your aunt A and say you heard on the grapevine that she wasn’t able to make it – give it a few days, though, so she doesn’t just respond with “I told you yesterday that I was coming!!” That’s probably the easiest way to sort it out – it sounds as though you wouldn’t miss her if she didn’t turn up, either way!

Post # 5
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah I agree with PP’s and give a few days before clarifying, maybe have your coordinator or Maid/Matron of Honor call as a “we’re just checking on final numbers…”. It’s not the same thing but a large portion of my guests are college aged and thus know nothing of the “wedding rules,” and think RSVP’ing is the same thing as facebook invite responding to a keggar- they should say something but they may show regardless. Lol. 

She was rude for talking ish. Just play nice because at the end of the day I promise you it will be so much less of a pain in your ass.

Post # 6
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

rude aunt, I would call her to confirm.

Post # 7
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Auntie A sounds like a real prune…

She obviously thinks your Wedding is “too uppity” to her liking.

People like this drive me nuts… honestly, as the Host of a Wedding or any other occasion, you can design / make the event however you like.

If she wants to come she’s welcome… if she doesn’t… so be it.

BUT to “eff” with you (and the numbers) … which she obviously is doing is childish, mean, hurtful and passive aggresive act.

And she knows it…

I’m guessing that she is fully aware that you’ll end up paying for her part of the head-count if she is a NO-SHOW and is taking delight in that.

So I wouldn’t bother calling her back to confirm… BECAUSE at this point in time she’s given you an RSVP as per the request that went out with the Invite

(She is screwin with you… solely BECAUSE you asked for an RSVP… and honestly SHE WANTS either yourself or someone else to call her back.  AND she wants to somehow exhibit power over this “arbitrary thing” that she sees in the RSVP.  She feels she needs to make a point / be centre stage… don’t play into her hand).

There are ways to deal with this…

When you give your final numbers (assuming that most places also add on a wee bit for “just in case”) I’d count her RSVP as a NO.

That way you won’t get dinged for the expense of her absense, but can accomodate her if she should actually appear.

And oh ya… you are doing the right thing… being ultra polite and not telling Auntie B all the details, and just saying “Well, we’ll miss her”


PS… The good news is a Wedding for many is a change over in both one’s marital status & social status.  So there are no set rules that say after this you have to invite Auntie A to any other family functions that you host (especially if she doesn’t come to the Wedding… so in effect standing you up with that YES RSVP). 

Guessing, that somewhere down the road Auntie B will no doubt tell her what a great time she has had at your Wedding (and probably future events like Baby Showers, Birthday Parties etc).  Auntie A may rue the day she took such a stand against someone who hasn’t even been given the opportunity to launch their social register.  Silly woman.


Post # 8
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Can you explain the situation to your mom and have her call and find out what the deal is? I know if it were one of my parents they’d be pissed their sister was actign that way and force a real answer out of her.

Post # 9
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Call Aunt A and ask her, let her know that Aunt B said that you were not coming thats why Aunt B wants to bring a guest to drive. Tell her you need a yes or no, you have other guests you would like to invite that did not make it to the A list.

Post # 10
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would call A and ask outright “Aunt B said you weren’t coming to my wedding, is this true or not?  I need to know due to (reasons here)” then you’ll get your answer.  You have too many other things to think about than the attendance of one guest, whether or not she is your aunt.

And I`m sorry I just have to add this, are you not from somewhere that usually sends out invitations with an RSVP?  I mean, it’s a wedding for crying out loud, not a pumpkin carving party. 

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