(Closed) (Yet Another) Wedding guest list predicament!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Dont send him the invite. You could always say.. Im so sorry I think it got lost in the mail? :S

Dont invite people you dont want there.

Also.. If you are at capacity say venue 150.. have you invited exactly 150? remember that alot of people say no.

Hypothetical: If he shows up…Which could be 50/50 there could always be a non related family member there, saying oh my your not on the guest list. Hence back the invitation got lost and so you took his no reply as a no. haha.

When it comes to cousins and fairly large family it is understandable not all the cousins get invited. In my situation, one side of the mums family I am extremely close with all cousins hence there getting an invite. My dads side in the cousins I hardly ever talk to. So i figure its all good to invite one side.. and I can skip everyone on the other because they would just figure cousins are not invited! sneaky sneaky! def a fine balance!

 

 

Post # 4
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Have you thought about putting him on your B-list?  Maybe invite the people that you really want to be there, and extend an invite only after you’ve received declines?  Or maybe try a different tactic and invite him and his wife but tell them that due to space constraints you don’t have any space for the step daughter (they may decline if she can’t come?).  Or just take your family’s advice and don’t bother inviting him at all.  There is etiquette, but there are always circumstances which dictate what you should do, and I think that in this case your family is giving you the pass on etiquette in order for you (and your family) to enjoy your wedding.  I’d take it and just not invite him.

Post # 5
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We had the same problem with FI’s one uncle and his kids. There has been three other weddings in the last four years and at every single one they have caused a scene. Fiance and his cousin who is also getting married this summer have decided not to send the invite. They went with the whole three strikes your out deal. At the last wedding the uncle got really drunk and started yelling at everyone. When Fiance tried to get him to step outside he siad “next time I see you you’ll be in a coffin”. So we figure its better to have people there that want to share in our day without the drunken drama!

Post # 7
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

OMG can I ever relate!! My family is HUGE, and my Fiance is Greek, in the states alone I have 26 1st cousins I’m VERY close to.  Its crazy, we tried counting our entire family one day and stopped when combined total it was over 750 people! And when it’s like that there are family feuds that go on for years!!! My cousin sent a invite to her wedding to one of my aunt’s who never got it in the mail, and it started a war between families that’s lasted 12 years!!

 

I have had to get my list down to 100, and like you did, I’ve invited family over some friend who are going to enjoy it the wedding pay more and appreciate it! I can’t imagine how many wedding my aunt mary ella has been to, she won’t miss just one! lol

But a solution to your problem, why don’t you invite the people you WANT there, have a semi earlier RSVP date so if your friends can’t come, then you have time to send an invite to the family members you “dont really want there” too.  If they come, they don’t invite your family members that make a scene or make your uncomfortable!! And I bet theres other family members that feel this way, but maybe haven’t told you, but would also feel better if you didnt invite that specific cousin+family. The attention should be on you and not whos controlling/monitoring/sensoring cousin johnny or wondering what he is going to do! You will just constantly be awaiting that moment you are expecting and dreading instead of enjoying your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with the previous posters. I have a family situation too. I will not be inviting one of my sisters or my biological father because there are just too many issues with them.

Post # 9
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

seriously invite who you want to invite. apparently people are angry at who is on my guest list and more so who is NOT on my guest list, but guess what? since im only inviting people i actually like and want there – i havent heard ONE COMPLAINT (i only hear it thru relatives that i AM close to)

bottom line, if you arent that close to them, you wont notice them if they arent there, and nor will you feel guilty if they arent there because you arent that close to them.

so invite who you want to actually be there. its Yalls day.

Post # 10
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

In order to keep family peace you need to invite your cousin and his wife (you do not have to invite children if you are not inviting other children but if you are then they need to be invited as well).  You cannot separate a social unit – aka a married couple.  Just address the envelope to the family (write out each name) and no the boyfriend/friend of the daughter. If they rsvp with his name then call them up and say sorry but due to venue capacity we cannot accommodate extra guests.

Post # 11
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Thinking about etiquette, I’d say that you should invite him, since all of his siblings will be invited. It’s tough. We had to do that with all FI’s aunts and uncles, even though we’re not close to some and there’s been family issues. (Although nothing that will make a scene at the wedding). With cousins we invited only those that we see and talk to at least once a year.

But, in the end it’s not going to matter and someone will have a comment no matter what you do. I’d say since your family is behind you in this decision, to not invite them and invite your friends.

 

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