Post # 1
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
Hi bees
Backstory: Husband’s mother died when he was 9 years old from a drug over dose, his upbringing was horrible. Suffers from PTSD & childhood issues that have suffered severly over the past two years. His SIL is married to his half brother, who is 20 years older than he is. His SIL is old enough to be his mother. When his mom died my DH and Father-In-Law moved in with SIL and she tried to dicipline my DH against his father’s wishes & they moved out. SIL cannot have children since she was very young. We think this is why she seems to think she can talk to my husband like she is her mother.
Today:
I never had any issues with SIL, she was always very sarcastic and made rude remarks but I always ignored. However my DH’s cousin was in town on vacay with his girlfriend and called DH yesterday to ask about going to the bar here with us to hang out. We agreed and picked them up at SIL’s to go to the bar. She was well aware we were going to the bar and his cousin and Girlfriend said they would be sleeping at our house that night so they would not come home and disturb them after they were asleep.
At 1 AM i got a text from SIL asking when they would be home, i replied they both said they would be spending the night at my place. She never replied to me. We agreed to go over today for dinner. DH’s cousin over did it with the booze and had a narly hang over this morning. My DH and his cousin stayed up till 7 AM catching up and talking while his Girlfriend and I went to bed to sleep. We all woke up around 2 PM. I texted SIL to ask what time we should be there for dinner she never replied, DH texted and she replied “whenever” (this was already an idication she was mad)
TONIGHT:
The remarks she made just boiled me over the edge. “Did you drink too much?” she said rudly to my husband, slapping him on the head and hitting him while he was on the sofa. My husband said no he was fine, just tired from being up late. She rolled her eyes, she then proceeded to complain about being up alll night waiting for them to come home because nobody had the time to let her know they weren’t coming home WTF? She then proceeded to rail into my husband about how he looked hung over and how she was up all night and had to make dinner and again badgering him about it. All night she made comments “HEY would you like anothe beer??? I got a cold one for you? YOU SURE YOU DONT WANT TOO?”
This SIL is the same one who almost forced him to dance with her at our wedding for the mother and son dance….
IM SO FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW. She’s not his mother, we are married and what we do is none of her concern! I feel like she was very rude, uncalled for and this isn’t anything new for her. Today just pushed me over the edge…..like how rude can you freaking be?
Post # 2
Member
4054 posts
Honey bee
railroaderwifeyxo : I know it’s upsetting because he’s your husband, but at the end of the day, that’s his battle to fight. He needs to stand up to her. Not you.
Post # 3
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
You should have just left. If talking about not wanting to be treated like this hasnt helped then EVERYTIME she is rude, shut her out
Post # 4
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
BMoreBecc : my husband has issues standing up for himself due to the child hood trauma. We left in an hour we tried to stay for his brother sake. But I’m just so frustrated, and he is as well but we both know he only has his brother and his dad. So shutting her out would mean his brother as well.
Post # 5
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
Eh, this doesn’t really sound like it has anything to do with you. His 20+ years older SIL feels motherly and protective towards him… I’m sure that has benefitted him at times and been annoying at others. But they have a history together that started when he was a child, and you weren’t there for that. If he feels so bothered by it now, he should let her know.
Also, adults or not, it’s very rude to be staying with someone and not let them know that you won’t be coming back that night. It sounds like she was up until 1am expecting them to come home. That’s why she was annoyed and snarky. They should have made sure she fully understood to not wait up.
Post # 6
Member
9160 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
railroaderwifeyxo : It sounds like this is just their relationship. If he’s ok with it, you need to let it go. If he has a problem with it, he’s the one that needs to address it. I understand that might be difficult due to his childhood trauma, but that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s HIS to deal with. You trying to fix it for him won’t be healthy or helpful in the longrun. Really though, the complaint that “she’s not his mom” is an odd one. His mom died when he was young so it’s not unthinkable that someone might take on a mom-like role. Thinking about it another way, would you be ok with her behavior if she WAS his mom? If so, then who cares that she’s his SIL instead? If she’s showing loving concern, that’s a good thing regardless if she’s his mom or not. If she’s an overbearing busybody, that’s a bad thing regardless if she’s his mom or not.
Post # 7
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
Yeah it’s really none of her business. She has no reason to be annoyed especially since everyone is adults and/or married. She was told beforehand they wouldn’t be staying over there. Sounds like just wanted attention or is upset they didn’t stay over at her house.
Post # 8
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
ReeLuvsRo : she was told prior they would not be coming home and staying at our house.
as for their relationship they don’t have one it’s there because of his brother. His father raised him, but she forces herself onto my husband as a mother figure. It’s not something he wants. She tries to replace his mom.
Shes not “motherly” at all. She belittles him and treats him like a child. He’s 27 and married. And it’s gotten worse since our wedding day. Tonight was the worst I have ever seen it. My husband openly told her previously he didn’t appreciate her trying to replace his mother.
As for benefiting him not so she only offered to help in exchange for something
Thats why I’m so frustrated. She had no reason to act this way. And hitting my husband was out of line. He is 27 years old.
Post # 9
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
Daisy_Mae :
hi bee see prior response.
Hes not comfortable with it. And they weren’t living together only for one year. His dad moved out with him when he saw her disciplining him to extremes he did not feel comfortable with. She’s always tried to push herself as the mother role. And my husband has told her she’s not his mom and I just see how hurt he gets being treated this way
This was more of a vent than anything else. Just confused on how someone could be so rude.
Post # 10
Member
9160 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
railroaderwifeyxo : That’s a tough situation. Has he talked to his brother about it? How does the brother feel about his wife’s behavior?
Post # 11
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
Daisy_Mae : it’s his half brother their relationship has always been distant.
His wife basically calls the shots and he just follows.
In the end if we stopped talking to her his brother would cut him off which I don’t want. His brother and his father are the only two ppl he has left. His father is 70, and although strained his brother is the only other family he does have.
Which makes it tough.