- Earl grey tea
- 3 weeks ago
Hello Bees! Just wanted to vent/rant on here about something that happened to me recently. For some background, I’ve been with my SO for 5 years (we’re in our mid-twenties) and we are talking bout making things more official. Our relationship is the best its even been and we’re both really happy. In the meantime, life’s been going great! The gyms are open so I workout a lot more, I found an amazing job IN my career field (during the pandemic, no less) that has good benefits and amazing pay. In the past, I used to have a big drinking problem but I am now a year sober and don’t even feel the desire for alcohol anymore. I even go out with my SO a little bit more and we have amazing times together. Also just bought a new car with a low interest rate. This is by far about the happiest I’ve in all my years of living.
So here’s the rant part of it, I was recently talking with 2 of my cousins, one who is a year or 2 younger than me and one who is mid thirties, and we were catching up with each other. She had called me outta the blue and it had been months since we talked. I was super excited to tell her all the good things that was going on in my life but the call went something like this;
Me: Hey cuzzos!
(Young cousin): Hey, how are you, it’s been a minute!
Me: I know long time no talk, I’m doing amazing how are you?
(Older cousin): We’re good, just wanted to catch up with you today.
Me: Well you called at the right time I have exciting news!
OC: REALLY? Are you and *SO* engaged?
Me: No, not yet BUT I just landed this amazing job! *shares job details*
YC: Congratulations! We’re prouda you.
Me: Thanks, with everyone being out of work and laid off I’m just so glad I found this job.
YC: But when are you going to get married?
Me: I’m not really sure yet.
OC: Well, when are you gonna to have kids?
I paused for a second then answered in my very late twenties probably but I’m not thinking about kids too much right now. The next half an hour was them going on and about my older cousin’s family (husband and son) and how my younger cousin just got into relationship and the guy’s already planning to propose to her in couple years, which I was happy to hear about both. My younger cousin asked my if my boyfriend and I have even talked about next steps in our relationship which I answered yes and that things have been going really good for us. Then my older cousin says how my time is going to come and she’ll be excited to come to my wedding and my younger cousin asks when I was going to visit them (they live in another country) and I say soon. Then I made a lame excuse to get off the phone…
Needless to say, I was very disappointed. I feel very secure in my relationship, I just wanted to talk about the great things actually going on in my life and not things that were going to happen in the future that I could hardly speak for yet. Whenever I do get engaged it’s going to be very public and of course my family is going to know. I just felt bad that they were more into my relationship than my life updates at the moment. I love my boyfriend and he’s a huge part of my life but I still have a lot going on for my myself that I’m proud of and its a shame I didn’t get to tell my cousins all of the great things that were going on with me! It seems like they only wanted to talk about marriage and stuff that day. I also think it’s weird to ask a girl when she’s going to get married if she’s not even engaged yet. Men typically propose so why people always question the girl about it is beyond me.
For any one that read this, just know that you are enough right now; not after you get engaged, not after you get married, not after you have kids, not after you lose weight, not after you get a promotion, and not after you start making more money. Sometimes I have to remind myself that. Your relationship status (or even lack of) should never overshadow your achievements and they don’t measure how valuable you are. Just how people get excited for a engagement/marriage/children, that same energy should go to life goals that people achieve, too. I know that a lot of us on here have been asked that question and we all take it different ways. I’ve heard sometimes asking that could really break a person. I’m a little irritated but I hope all this makes sense.