(Closed) You can bring your kids… but not into the ceremony

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@cirk:  I am SO with her on that. I have sat through far too many services in my time where kids were literally SHRIEKING, and the parents just would never leave. It comes across as “Well, I want to sit here, and that is more important thant everyone else being able to hear or focus on what’s happening.” Since you can’t really always trust parents to take their kids out if they start being disruptive, I think for events where you want to make sure no kids are making noise, going about it this way is a good (and very accomodating) way to go.

Post # 4
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think this is fine, espcially since they are providing childcare during the ceremony!

Post # 5
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The bride and groom are certainly going out of their way to provide childcare, My only criticism is that 7 is a very old cutoff point for a 20 minute ceremony. 4, 5 and 6 year olds have no trouble sitting quiet for 20 minutes. We often hear how it’s the ideal age for a flower girl. Girls that age often love weddings too. I speak from experience because one of my daughters went to two family weddings at that age (4 / 5). Yes there are often kids making noise at a wedding (or at church in general) but that’s pretty well always kids under 4. But in defence of Cirk’s friends, sometimes the cutoff is chosen strategically. i.e. they know there is a misbehaving 6 year old in the family, so they set the cutoff at 7.

Post # 6
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I actually don’t think 7 is too old… sure, most kids 5, 6 and 7 CAN sit down for that long, but on the other hand.. some can’t.

My 5 year old niece cannot sit still or shut her cute yapper for longer than 3 minutes. But, her parents never discipline her at ALL [they believe in time-out], and she always gets away with everything, so she’s a total bratt.

Post # 7
1777 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s very accomodating, above and beyond what is expected.  However, depending upon the physical layout and barriers present, I may or may not leave a young child with a sitter I didn’t know.  I worry a bit about the water hazard associated with the word “beach”.   Without any judgement or animosity towards the couple (who have every right to an uninterrupted ceremony), I’d most likely send my husband to the ceremony and stay behind to watch my own young child. 

Post # 8
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

Uh,  that sounds totally like an amazing way to allow people with kids ton come but not having screaming kids in your wedding video forever. If parents can’t be away for 20 minutes that is a whole nee definition of helicopter parent. 

Post # 9
9668 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I think the bride and groom are being very accommodating and generous 🙂

Post # 10
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@cirk:  First of all, her Wedding Weekend sounds super fun. And secondly, this is a really great solution. I’m currently pregnant and I have promised myself that I won’t be one of those mothers who insists on bringing her baby to everything and can’t be apart from it for any amount of time. I’d be fine to leave my child for 20 minutes with some babysitters and I think it’s only polite for things like a wedding. 

I was at a wedding a week or so ago in a church and a baby started to cry. Because of the acoustics it was really loud, and the mum didn’t even take her child outside. Eventually the groom’s mother had to ask her to leave the ceremony until the baby had quietened down. Ugh, why do people think it’s okay to let their screaming baby ruin somebody’s ceremony?  

I think that as long as there’s time to let the parents get to know the babysitters a little, and see that their kids will be in capable hands, everything will be fine. It’s ridiculous not to be able to leave your child for a 20 minute ceremony. 

Post # 11
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I don’t have children, but I think I would be ok with something like if I checked where my children would be for the 20 minutes. Let’s say, near the pool or the beach, was a no no, since I would be afraid of not knowing the sitters, if was inside a house, in a living room or something like that, I think it wouldn’t a problem.

In th other hand I know mothers that wouldn’t alow it because their children are was to devilsh to be let with a someone that doesn’t know them. My nephew, for instance, two years old, and maan that spoiled kid can vanish in a second, when I’m taking care of him! You think he is hiding behind something for fun, and nop… he’s on his way outside, caring nothing.

Post # 12
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s great. They’re doing it the right way by providing childcare. We allowed all children at our wedding, but this arrangement would be totally cool with me. 

Post # 13
2685 posts
Sugar bee

Great idea!  I always cringe when I hear screaming children at a ceremony, and providing a babysitter is a good solution.  The bride and groom get their child-free ceremony and the kids are taken care of and can still take part in the reception.  Hopefully the guests will appreciate it too.  

Post # 14
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

uh, for 20 minutes, let the kids be there…don’t get why so many people get hung up on the posiibility of their perfect ceremony being disrupted…..

Adults can act stupid too…but you don’t restrict the potential idiots fromthe ceremony?

I would be offended if they where invited to everything else, except the reason why you are there in the first place….

Post # 15
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

On one hand it is a great idea… and very accommodating of the Bride to provide babysitting etc.

And as someone who doesn’t like distractions during a Wedding Ceremony I GET IT

Especially so in this day and age where “modern” Parents don’t seem to be so keen as to know the limitations of their kiddies… or have the decency to make a quick exit if the situation warrants it

(Which is exactly WHY these Wedding Invites are now coming out specifically saying NO KIDS)

That said…

On the other hand…

“Technically” she doesn’t have the right to exclude folks from being at her Church Ceremony… in that a church is a place of worship and a “public” venue.  And their primary focus truly is to be welcoming to all.

(Which is WHY in many places you’ll hear about the Bride who was surprised to see non-invited folks / locals / parishoners sitting in the back pews as she made her exit after the Ceremony)

One rents the church for the timeframe… but doesn’t own it, or dictate how it operates.

I’m guessing that if push came to shove… and someone really made an issue of this… the church would tell her to “shove off” and go find another venue


Post # 16
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

There’s nothing wrong with their request. if I had a young child I’d be happy to take advantage of the babysitting service for 20mins!! They don’t want screaming kids interrupting their marriage ceremony. Understandable And acceptable. kudos to these people For going about it tactfully. 

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