- 5 years ago
I’m a bee going anonymous just in case. I really need some advice / opinions on a situation:
Background: My cousin and I are really close. We’re around the same age and have lots of stuff in common. We support each other in life and in relation to men and relationships, etc. My cousin has a very unique personality – she’s kind at heart and quite fun but she’s usually frazzled, late, in her own little bubble and quite unreliable. For example, she was invited to an uncle’s birthday dinner that she knew was being catered. She indicated via RSVP that she was coming, even called the day of to say she was still coming and then she didn’t show up. It’s been seven months and she still hasn’t apologized to said uncle or anything. She did tell me that she fell asleep watching a movie the night of the party and it was morning the next day when she woke up.
My cousin has been in a relationship with a serial cheater off and on for five years or so. This guy showed his true colours soon after they got together when he cheated on my cousin and got his ex girlfriend pregnant. Please note that he already had two kids from the ex girlfriend – so now he has 3 kids with her. My cousin didn’t deal with it well but forgave him and stuck by him. Somewhere along the line, my cousin decided to end it as she had started to lose a lot of weight and became severely depressed. Long story short, she ended up taking him back in January. I found out they were back together via social media. I suppose she thought I wouldn’t support the relationship and didn’t feel the need to tell me. On Valentine’s Day, I was browsing FB when I saw that the made a post about being engaged. She had a picture of her ring up and everything! I messaged her and told her congrats. She said thanks and started to say how much he’s changed, etc and she’s so happy. I told her I’m happy for her too. Please note that my cousin’s mother wants nothing to do with her and this wedding as she has no respect for the fiancé.
Soon after the engagement, my cousin told me that they are having a big wedding in our home town next year and that they’ve already started talking about bridal party and had put pen to paper. She said her bridal party is huge already “but you can be a bridesmaid if you want…unless you will be too busy with school.” I was very annoyed and I told her she needs a lesson in etiquette. She laughed it off and the subject changed. Now bees, I work and study full time…so what? She’s my cousin! Who says that though? You either want me in or you don’t! Obviously my name had not made in on the paper either as she asked me after the fact! I was very hurt as we’d always discussed our fantasy weddings and she would be one of my BMs and I’d be one of hers. When I actually became engaged (before she did), we talked about my BMs and she said she can’t wait to stand with me when I marry. It was an understood thing. We smiled and drank wine and toasted to my upcoming wedding.
Due to the fact I became engaged first, she would ask me for tips and such and I’d oblige. She went from talking about a big wedding to saying they are having a destination wedding in a month but they are not sure of the actual date. She told me that the guest list is small and her bestfriend will be the witness. She said I can come if I want because I’m invited. Again, I told her she needed a lesson in etiquette. She laughed and said she’s broke so I shouldn’t expect a fancy invite. I suggested sites where she could get free invitations. She thanked me and said be on the lookout. I kept my feelings to myself – mainly….things seemed rushed and strange. Secondly, how can you invite people to a destination wedding with a month’s notice? Please keep in mind, we are in the US and she now wants to marry in the Caribbean!
Yesterday, she messaged me to ask about my opinion on a dress. I gave it. Btw, the dress is fab! I then asked her how things were coming along and she said great. They have settled on the actual date in July but are not sure it will come off because it depends on the outcome of a custody hearing her fiancé is involved in with his kids’ mother at the end of this month. I asked her if she had a Plan B, and I gently reminded her that people would have to coordinate flights and such at the last minute if she had no Plan B. I did not say that it was already last minute as I was yet to receive my invitation bees! Now, here is where it got weird! My cousin then told me that there are no guests – just her bestfriend to act as a witness, her kids and fiancé’s kids. She said her bestfriend is willing and able to travel whenever. She then goes on to say she was never having a real wedding anyway, she’s “kind of eloping” and that a lot of people don’t know because it would be unreasonable to expect people to fly at such short notice so they have only invited one person – the bestfriend. I was stunned! I said ok and left it at that. My fiancé said I should’ve asked her what that means for me, as she’d “invited” previously. I disagreed with him and decided to let sleeping dogs lie.
Bees, should I have done what my fiancé suggested? Should I even feel hurt? I’m feeling weird in relation to my own wedding next year. Do I even want her to be a part of it? Hmm…what do you guys think?