(Closed) You can’t afford basic essentials but are going to buy your gf a ring?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think your Fiance should warn his brother about the path he’s going on, but ultimately if he wants to dig his own debt grave, that’s up to him.

Post # 18
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Thats a tough one. 

Post # 19
Member
3214 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@lolo21:  Oh, gotcha!!!  Ugh, what an awful situation.

Post # 20
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lolo21:  It’s his brother, so it is his place to have a talk about priorities–but ultimately it’s his brother’s life

 

As far as  the car goes—your Father-In-Law has to make that call, ultimately he may financially be better off if he repossesses the car, sells it, and eats the loss (since he prob owes more than it’s worth)–but that’s between them

Post # 21
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree that either Father-In-Law needs to get off that car loan take control of the car and remove A.  FIL also needs to stop bailing the guy out.  How old is this guy anyway?

Post # 22
Member
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

A is a grown man who should already know how to manage his money.  One talk from his brother is not going to fix a whole lifetime of believes and assumptions his brother has about money.  It’s like bringing up someone’s weight issues to them.  Do you think one little talk is going to fix it all?  Not likely.

A will just have to learn the very hard way.  Hopefully his Fiance to be is aware of his poor money skills because that’s who should really be worried.  It’s up to her to figure these things out for herself if she’s going to marry a man after all.

Post # 23
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would say something if it was my brother– but I’d have Father-In-Law approach it first.  

Maybe your Fiance could ask if they are planning on merging bank accounts with the wedding?

Post # 24
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Speaking as someone who needed my sister to bail me out and have a stern word with me about my previous mis-management of money…..my answer would be God yes….someone speak to him before he gets himself further into debt. If he’s taking advantage of his father, that’s a separate issue and his dad needs to speak to him firmly about that.

Post # 26
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

The only way your Father-In-Law is going to be able to his name off the car loan is if the brother refinances the loan by himself or they somehow find a way to pay the loan off.

Someone needs to sit down with your brother in law and tell him that he’s making bad financial choices, and it needs to stop.  He’s going to find himself in a world of hurt if he keeps spending and not paying his bills.  

Your Father-In-Law needs to stop bailing him out.  Did he cosign on his lease and cell phone as well?  If not, let him get evicted and the phone get shut off.  

A $7000 ring?  Seriously????  I guess he thinks he can afford it because he’s not paying the other stuff he’s supposed to.  

Post # 27
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

double post

Post # 28
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Seeing as his father is the one getting screwed over, so obviously A isn’t learning any lessons from this, I would speak up if I were your hubby. If he doesn’t want to talk to A then perhaps he could talk to your father. 

A won’t learn any responsibility if his father keeps enabling him. 

I’d have DH say something, yeah. 

Post # 29
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

Some people just don’t have any money sense, it will come back to bite him in the ass sooner than later. Father-In-Law will unfortunately have to take the hit for the car but nobody and I mean nobody should be giving him a dime for anything else as it will only enable his actions.

My In-laws have a lot of money troubles, Fiance and I are both in agreement that we have no problem giving people money if they are working their butts off doing as much as they can, but still aren’t making ends meet, but we will not help them out if they aren’t.

Post # 30
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m guessing your DH saying something is not going to make a difference. I also don’t think it’s his responsibility to make a comment on someone else’s finances unless he’s asked for advice.

On the other hand, I definitely think your Father-In-Law should say something. Since he’s making payments for your Brother-In-Law, it’s most definitely his business.

Post # 31
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Just a thought.  Do you know how the car is titled?  I had a friend whose parents “repossesed” the car that they had cosigned for until she had caught up on payments.  Did it suck for her?  Yeah.  Did she learn from it?  Heck yeah.

It might be a way to teach A some responsibility without just lecturing him.  I find that until people suffer consequences that they don’t really get it.

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