(Closed) You can't have my man or my wedding!!! (Rant)

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@metalbride:  Oh, wow, that’s tough!  I feel for you, you have gone above and beyond with this situation.  What I would do is only bring with you items that you don’t care about getting back.  Don’t bring your DIY’s that you want to keep or anything valuable that you could sell.  I’m surprised at the nerve of them even asking you this, it seems very tacky to me.  But since your Darling Husband agreed I guess you’re stuck.  Just don’t let them use anything you want to get back because chances are you never will.  (And hide it from your Darling Husband, lol.)  😉

Post # 4
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Tell her you’re keeping the backdrop as a memento of your wedding and working it into a display piece in your home, but you’re happy to share linens/lights etc. Tell the groom ahead of time so that they aren’t left hanging.

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Weird.

If there’s something you’re really protective of, and you’re worried about them using it/not getting it back/not getting it back in good condition, etc., I would take that out and just tell them Darling Husband didn’t know when he talked to his buddy, but “someone else had already spoken for some of the things.” You don’t have to tell them that the “someone else” is yourself.

That said, in prinicple I am generally in favor of the idea of sharing and re-using wedding items. So many wedding things end up being single-use, which is really wasteful, so it’s nice to be able to get some extra mileage out of them. But, you do want to be careful with anything that’s really special to you.

ETA: I just had a terrible thought. What if she wants the backdrop so that she can photoshop a pic of her with your DH? uuuggghhh

Post # 6
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Okay, several things.

  1. About it being more work for you – your guy agreed to being a groomsman so I don’t think this is to above and beyond for a groomsman.
  2. About her being cold to you. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell with different people’s personalities. Maybe she really was being cold and bitchy. But is it possible that’s just kinda how she is? To everyone? Things like this can also be a self fulfilling profecy, if you expect her to be cold it’s a lot easier to interpret little things into being a big deal.
  3. About them wanting to use your stuff – Remember the whole saying about imitation being the sincerest form of flattery? They must have really loved your stuff, so I’d be proud of that. Only you can decide if you’re comfortable letting them borrow stuff. I, personally, would be excited if someone was able to reuse something that I spend a ton of time on and was really proud of because when are you ever going to use it again? But if it makes you uncomfortable it is okay to say so. But pleas let them know ASAP if you don’t want to lend the stuff out. They may be upset but it will be so much worse if they’re counting on it and it never shows up!

Post # 7
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it’s really strange/awkward given the circumstances.  A few things, guys are “different” so maybe her groom really liked your wedding and asked on his own thinking that was normal?  If that’s the case, then I’d share what I was comfortable with (ie store purchased, non personal DIY items).  If the ex gf asked her groom to ask your husband, I just think that’s way wrong.  Either way he already committed so I second the advise from bearlove.

Post # 8
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Are you planning on selling any of it? If so you could just say that it’s already been sold and use some of the other excuses above for the other things!

Post # 9
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

AWKWARD as hell, but if you aren’t planning on selling it, don’t worry about it.  You do NOT want your husband’s EX’S wedding to be something to get worked up over.  If she wants a hand-me-down wedding, fine.  Give her stuff you don’t care too much about.  You’re married…she’s marrying someone else.  Let it go and enjoy YOUR life with YOUR husband.

Post # 10
Member
7405 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Ms. Martian:  <– this. I think thats totally weird. Why shoudl she benefit from all of your hard work. Petty, absolutely, screw her.

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@metalbride:  Do I tell them ahead of time what items they can/can’t use? including my head table back drop, which I had spent hours upon hours making. 

Yes, i think she doesn’t deserve the backdrop and mentioning this to her or her fiance before going would be a good idea. If she wants a backdrop then she can spend her own hours making one!

 

Post # 12
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Let your Fiance know how you feel about this girl. If he knew, I doubt he would have offered the wedding decor. Also, tell him that all of your things belong to both of you, so he should always check with you. 

You have no obligation to give these people your stuff. I recommend contacting the groom directly and saying, “Sorry about the miscommunication, but we’ve already got designated plans for our wedding items. My Fiance had forgotten. I am more than happy I give you a list of the linen company I am using/etc.” 

 

Post # 13
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Ask them to pay for it. Especially if you were planning on selling some items. 

Post # 14
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would tell her hell no to using your wedding stuff!!! I dont think it seems petty…you shouldnt let someone copy your ideas especially someone who has been so cold to you everytime you see them!

Post # 16
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@metalbride:  Your Darling Husband jumped the gun without consulting you. Keep all your DIY and give them everything else. It’s his accident, not yours.

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