(Closed) "You deserve a diamond."

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
4695 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh, I don’t have any advice, but I’m irritated for you! I’d be seriously POed if my SO ignored what I wanted because a diamond is “better.”

Post # 4
Member
3002 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Regina Phalange:  I say its male ego. I’ve had similar conversation with my SO and he has the same thought.

Post # 5
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think it has alot to do with how men are brought up, and as a man what they feel they are “expected” to do. Alot of men are actually very traditional, so the thought of any stone besides a diamond actually throws them for a bit of a loop. 

Remeber this is his symbol to you – while he should respect your likes/dislikes (because it is a peice of jewelry you will be wearing everyday) also respect want he wants to give you. 

Post # 6
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe your SO already put a deposit down or bought you the diamond u had looked at together, but is planning to surprise you?

Post # 7
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It would agree that it’s his ego, for sure…but also partly expectation of his role like a previous poster said. Personally, I think it’s sweet that he wants to buy you a real diamond because he feels you deserve “the best.” I don’t think that’s a bad thing! But – you both should be comfortable with the purchase. Not only because it’s something you will wear everyday, but the ring is gifted to you as a symbol of his love and faithfulness…it sounds like he wants it to be special.

ETA: Maybe you are putting too much emphasis on the expense of the ring. By telling him he CAN’T afford a diamond, it might be making him feel inadequate (though I’m positive that isn’t your intent). Or perhaps he feels rushed to buy something he views as inferior when he wants to save up and buy when he’s ready?

Post # 11
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Regina Phalange:  You know, I would tell my DH before he proposed that I would be happy with a cracker jack box ring. I didnt care but he always said he wants to get me a diamond because that is what I deserve. 

I would be upset and think he was using that as an excuse to prolong the proposal but he really was saving for a diamond. I know waiting is hard, it is the hardest thing I had ever had to endoure because my ex all wanted to marry me of the bat. I was the one saying hold up. 

Post # 12
Member
5080 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I blame DeBeers.  They spend tons of money telling men that they need to buy a diamond.  A perfect diamond.  lol

When FI and I seriously talked about getting engaged I told him I did not want a diamond.  I would not accept a diamond.  I wanted an Asha.   

Post # 13
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

To play devil’s advocate here — it IS a gift. Diamonds and white sapphires look very similar, so you’ll still get the same appearance… why not let him gift you what he wants to? I think we all get caught up in the idea about getting proposed to and forget that our significant others may have dreamed about how they were going to do it. You don’t want to take away from that, you know?

As for having to wait because of finances — well, that happened to me, too (and, you know, I think it means a man just isn’t QUITE ready). I tried to talk my fiance into a less expensive ring because the idea of him spending his savings on jewelry made me very uncomfortable, but he wasn’t having any of it. He is SO proud of the ring he got me and the way he proposed… I’m so glad I let him do it his way!

Post # 14
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think they are brainwashed by marketing the same way any other person is. “E-ring has to be a diamond, period” mentality is common.

I think if you showed him your research for both stones and why you like them he will eventually come around to your side. Sapphire represent faithfulness, moissanite are cool space rocks… whatever you think he needs to hear about uniqueness of your choice. There is nothing wrong with being different in your e-ring choice.

I had white sapphire ring and I felt that it was very high maintenance. I cleaned the ring daily for the stone to sparkle (it was a very good, custom cut stone). It was beautiful in natural light but in the evening it just looked glassy and non-sparkly.

Post # 15
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

On you FI’s side, I think it is sweet that he wants to get you what he considers to be “the best.” He wants you to have something he’s proud he saved up for and gave you, that is very respectable. 

On your brother’s side… well he does lack a bit of tact. But I think it probably comes from protectiveness. I think he wants to make sure you are taken care of, and part of being taken care of is your husband-to-be being financially secure. HE isn’t in love with your guy, which means he has the luxury of being 100% rational, over emotional, and to him (I’m sure) he wants you to be with someone who can provide you a financial safety net. And he probably feels like if your guy doesn’t have a cushion in his savings (or any savings at all) enough to buy you a 5-10k ring, he isn’t financially secure enough to “take his sister.” 

Not saying it is right. but that is the thought process I’m sure.

Post # 16
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Before we were engaged, I knew DH was looking and he had mentioned that he wanted to get me a diamond that was over X size.  I told him that I wouldn’t mind one slightly smaller, and that it would probably save him money since the price goes up once you go over certain sizes.  I was being pretty instistant that I didn’t want him to waste his money to get X size because you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, blah blah blah, and he actually got pretty ticked at me and told me in no uncertain terms to shut up about it.  About 2 weeks later he proposed, apparently he had already purchased the diamond, had shown it to my parents, was super proud of it and I love it.

So maybe your SO has already purchased it, and you are making him think he did something wrong.  Or maybe he has his heart set on getting you a diamond, it is symbolic or meaningful to him.  And if your only concern is how much money he will be spending, don’t push it, because I think to a man it will sound like you are implying that he can’t afford to buy what he considers “the best” for the woman he loves.  Let it go and enjoy your diamond when you get it!

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