- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
Sorry if this is all over the place. I’m a waiting Bee. My SO and I have been together for almost 5 years, and we have a ring picked out. It’s from Gemvara.com, and the price varies according to the specific diamond they have that moment. At the time, the ring was about $1700 (half carat). I was so excited to have a timeline and to be on the same page about everything as my SO. I went to visit my family last month, and I was talking about it with my younger brother, who is very protective of me. He asked how much the ring cost and the carat size. We’re very close and talk about everything, but I wouldn’t have told him had I forseen his reaction. I think apalled is the best word to describe it. He demanded to know why my SO was “only” spending $1700 and why he was “only” getting me half a carat.
I was shocked. I explained that my SO and I picked out the ring together, that I am head over heels in LOVE with it, that I’m not a blingy person and don’t need or want a huge rock, that I was uncomfortable with my SO even spending THAT much since he’s still paying off student loans, that I’d be uncomfortable with wearing something that expensive because I’m clumsy as hell, that a smaller or less expensive ring doesn’t mean my SO loves me any less, etc., but my brother wouldn’t hear it. He just said that if my SO can’t afford a bigger ring then we have no business getting engaged. He said I deserve a “better” ring and even said he was going to have a talk with my SO! He’d already hurt my feelings enough. I can’t even imagine how insulted my SO would be. I asked my brother not to say anything, and he said he wouldn’t.
Something about me: I originally wanted a peridot center stone because lime green is my favorite color, and SO has bought me peridot jewelry in the past. Something else about me: I am a freak about always matching, and I would never not want to wear my engagement ring because it clashes with what I’m wearing that day. I eventually decided that I wanted a clear stone instead, but I have never felt that my engagement ring has to be a diamond.
Fast forward to last night. Gemvara’s jewelry is customizable on their website (you can look at different metal/stone combinations), and I let my SO know that they have an option for white sapphire. It brings the price down to a little over $1000. I’ve also been researching a lot about Moissanite, and the more I read about it, the more I love it. While Gemvara doesn’t sell settings and stones separately, I also pitched the idea to my SO about buying that setting with the least expensive stone (I think it’s a garnet), buying a loose Moissanite of the same size, and having it reset by a jeweler. That brings the price down to about $800. Even better!
I thought that my SO would be gung ho about it (boy, aren’t I a misjudge of people’s reactions lately!) since his finances are the only thing keeping him from proposing (he won’t let me help pay for the ring and he won’t propose to me without it). The conversation went like this:
SO: But what if I want to get you a diamond?
Me: But white sapphire/moissanite is so much less expensive.
SO: But what if I want to spend more money on a diamond?
Me: Are you worried about what people will think if it’s not a diamond?
SO: No, I’m worried about what I will think if it’s not a diamond.
SO: I just think you deserve a diamond.
…Eerily similar to my brother’s point of view, no? Can someone please help me understand? Is it a male ego thing? His finances are the only thing keeping him from proposing to me, I’d be just as ecstatic with a less expensive stone, I’m frustrated with waiting, yet he wants me to wait longer so he can spend more money on a ring?
I’m going to go bang my head against a desk now. Thanks for reading. 🙁