(Closed) You didn’t get a +1!!

posted 13 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
15 posts
Newbee

I must ask – did he actually say "+1" or said he’s carpooling with "Sally"?  And how would his statement fair with the rest of your friends who may not have gotten a +1?

This is so common nowadays, and we’re at that age where everyone and their mom is getting married. Most of my friends just ask me point blank how I’m handling the +1 situation and I tell them point blank, i.e. "I probably will not give you a +1 but will give it to Bob".. and usually, they understand. OK – they always understand. Why? Because they are my friend and understand that its a hard decision to make but lines are drawn because weddings are just THAT expensive.

So far, no one has hated me for it and most are just honored to have been invited at all. If your friend cannot understand that when you tell him, then I don’t think there’s anything you can do about it except hope he understands. 

Post # 19
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Since the email string is going, I think you should put a stop to it right away.  If you wait until they RSVP with +1, they are probably going to wonder why you didn’t say something during your email exchanges.  Since the one friend has his gf invited, I would put him in CC and just say that, "Besides "Billy", I have only reserved one seat for each of you at the reception.  Sorry for the misunderstanding and I hope you understand."

I’m assuming that they just didn’t realize they couldn’t bring someone.  Most guys (and probably some girls) don’t look at the invitation to see who is and is not invited.  I don’t think most people understand that.  To be honest, I didn’t until I started going to friends weddings and planning my own!

GL!

Post # 20
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

This is tough.  I was once a +1 that was left off an invite.  It really hurt my feelings as my boyfriend and I were together for over a year and he had just moved in to my place.  However,  they were going by the engaged or married rule.   I still get upset about that wedding as I don’t think my boyfriend handled it well with the bride.

So now that we are engaged, everyone is getting a plus one if you are out of college and have a significant other.  I’m building it into the budget as I know some of the people with a plus one invite will not bring one.  I think it will even itself out.

 It just sucks to be that guys girlfriend. 

 

Post # 21
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

Wow! What a lot of contraversy. I think that this needs to be nipped in the bud among the e-mail chain group. Your e-mail was a good start. However, you should probably call the old roommate and talk to him directly. Flat out ask him how serious is he about this girl, without bring up the wedding.  Is he planning on marrying her? Is an engagement expected soon? If it is he probably will tell you.  If not you will get a lot of hems and haws since guys feel pressured about the idea of giving up thier singlehood. If he is confident about it and tells you a lot about her and what her best traits are, says how much you are going to like her, etc. Then he may just be serious enough about the girl that you can give him a plus one because this is the "one". He could be palnnign to get engaged even before your wedding or using it as an oppportunity to take that step. I suggest talking to him and them making a decision. Whatever your decision is it isn’t wrong. And even if you do decide to let him bring this person you should make it clear to him that you are making an exception and that he should have asked instead of causing you undo stress and hurt feelings among the other friends.

Post # 22
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

This is my least favorite part of the wedding planning experience.  Most of our friends are either paired off or are fine coming solo because they know others who will be there.  Drawing up the list was hard and enforcing it is even harder.

Your email response was appropriate to quell the date question among the college gang.  Follow up with the instigator and explain the situation.  No need to get into rules or how serious the relationship is – just let him know that due to space/money constraints, you’ve got a limited list.  Apologize for any misunderstanding and hope he understands.

Post # 23
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - The Venetian

i once got an invite without a plus one and i brought a plus one because i really didnt know any better. my mistake still haunts me to this day! i would wait until i get the rsvp card, and if he returns the card with her name written in, then have a nice talk with him to say that things are tight and depending on the number of declines you would love to allow him to bring his gf.

also, does he know a lot of people that will be attending the wedding? we’re not allowing some close friends to bring guests because they’re not in a relationship and they know everyone there so it wouldn’t make a difference! however, i am allowing some coworkers who are single to bring a guest only because they dont know that many people and would probably be uncomfortable having to walk into a venue and be forced to mingle with people they dont know.  but judging by the fact that you mentioned there were emails going around, it probably means this person and you have a lot of mutal friends. i think if you had a talk with him, he will understand?

Post # 24
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I know I go against most people here, but if you are inviting a close friend, and they have a significant other, they should be invited.  If you can’t afford it then your reception is fancier than you can afford.

A good friends significant other should be important to you because this is a good friend.  Plus there is obviously some travel involved which I believe makes it more critical to invite this SO.

 But, thats just my thinking and not what most on this board seem to think.  Everyone at my wedding over 18 that was single got a +1.  Not all of them brought someone, and that’s OK, but most of them brought serious significant others.  Actually, I can’t think of one person that used their +1 to bring just a "date".

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