Post # 106
Sunny.Day: Absolutely! They had flimsy arguments, a couple of which were “what would you have to talk about?” (Er… You’re providing great materiel) and “It would be upsetting” (to whom?). People just can’t live and let live. I find they’re usually unable to voice some deeper unhappiness and misdirect control issues.
mrswhitecat: You, lady, are the master! I have been clapping at your responses! Darling Husband thinks I’ve lost my mind
Post # 107
Who the fuck even says this shit? I’m 31 and I don’t have kids, and nobody has ever said anything of the sort. I just don’t get it. Tell these people to shut it.
Post # 108
teatreaforme: I would absolutely die for my pets or my Fiance if it came to it.
I was actually in a situation with my dog, our house was broken into by armed intruders. They made moves towards her and threatened to kill her if she made another sound, and my protective instincts kicked in and I jumped in between them, screaming bloody murder. I was a petite female alone in a house with only a small dog, and they were two big beefy men with weapons – so they could have done anything to us, but I was willing to risk my life to protect her. I screamed like crazy and punched and kicked at them, and they were so startled that they went running luckily, but I would have died rather than let them hurt her. She still has post-traumatic stress from this incident, and I feel guilty for it all the time – not that I didn’t do my best to protect her, that she had to go through something so terrifying at all.
This is part of the reason why it hurts me so much when people make this hierarchy of kids and pets and act like it’s universal. I see news articles almost every day of some poor child that was horribly abused by their parent, or sold to pedophiles by a parent, or whatever. If anybody tries to say that these people love their kid more than I love my dogs just by virtue of them being parents, I want to throttle them.
Post # 109
Why do we need these shi*show threads? Parents love their children in a way we can’t understand because we don’t have children. It’s that’s simple. Yes we have boyfriends/spouses, pets, parents, siblings, friends, nieces, nephews… but no children. Women with children have lived without them so there’s a comparison to make. We can’t make that comparison and it shouldn’t matter. Stop letting other people dictate how you feel; what an incredible power to bestow on them. All I see is bitterness in some of these No Kids posts and it makes me want to distance myself from some of the other Child Free bees. I just don’t share their issues or insecurities. Where are the like minds?!
Post # 110
WasMissNowMrs: [content moderated for baiting] I imagine if I had a child it would be an incomparable experience in every way, especially in love, but that doesn’t make me want one. CFBC people will never know that experience so it’s not logical to argue about it. It’s kind of like marriage to me. Since getting married my relationship has never felt more deeper or sacred compared to when we were just dating. People who never intend on marrying will never know what that feels like so there’s no point in someone trying to ‘prove’ to me that they love their boyfriend as much as I love my husband. I couldn’t possibly know how much they love their boyfriend and they couldn’t know how I feel for my husband, so again, who really cares? Everyone is just speaking from their own experiences. If you’re secure in your stance it shouldn’t matter however tactless people can be.
Post # 111
teatreaforme: I would absolutely jump in front of a car for my husband, or yes, my cat. They ARE my family. I have chosen them as my family. My husband and I are both involved in a hobby that can have significant consequences and we practice these scenarios all the time where we would need to put ourselves at risk to save the other. He is my family. I absolutely would put my own life at risk to save his.
That may be how YOUR mom feels, but that is not a universal feeling for all moms. Most who feel this way won’t announce it publicly to their own friends or family, but look around the Internet for “regret having kids” or “I hate motherhood”, or whatever else. There are parents who abuse, neglect, and murder their children. Who choose drugs over their kids. My colleague works in child protection and the stories are horrendous. So much for “real love” in those cases.
No, I will never know what it is like to love my own child. But that is not something I feel I am missing in my life either. I also don’t know what it would be like to have a pet raptor. That’s okay. I don’t feel an absence for not having a pet raptor, OR a kid. My life feels enriched with love for and from many people in my life.
The thing is no one else here or anywhere knows what it would be for *me* to love my own child either. Individual experiences are not universal.
Post # 112
You know what? I’m done. This has been utterly hijacked. I came here after years of exclusion, derision and hurtful comments from my community, hoping that there might be even just one tiny corner of the internet where people could empathize with what I was going through. Maybe they could offer support or advice. Some could, and I thank these posters so much for sharing their experiences – big hugs to them on what they go through and the journeys ahead of them.
To everybody else, what is so threatening about a woman whose experience doesn’t match yours exactly? Why do you think there is only one way for CF people to feel, and that it’s your job to police them if they fail to fit your standards? Why is it that you say hurtful things, then people tell you exactly why they are not only hurtful but untrue generalizations, and you act like a bunch of spoiled children? Why are parents allowed every spectrum of emotion, yet CF people are only allowed to say positive things? Why when people are expressing that they are hurting, why do you think its okay to gang up, make things even worse and prove the exact point of my original post? But whatever, you have free reign to be a pack of rabid harpies on ALL your other dedicated boards, but how dare you come on this board – the only one we have – and reign down all your insecurities and superiority complexes on us. This is why there is such animosity between CF and mothers – because whenever we create safe spaces, you shit all over them.
I’m closing this thread. And whoever welcomed me to the CF community on here, I’m sorry, I won’t be back. There are some wonderful people on here, but the broader community is not supportive, empathetic or even intelligent enough for these types of conversations.