(Closed) "You don't know what exhausted is"

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It is to cover people on the fence or simply have not had kids yet. I was not a fan when it first came up but oh well. 

I used to work 15- 18 hour days and sleep on a tour bus, shared with smelly boys. That was exhausting but they can have fun with the parenting and that CFBC “just don’t understand”.

Post # 3
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I agree with you – and I’m a mom – so I can honestly say I know what it’s like after you have a child. There are people who have conditions like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue who know what true fatigue is. I’ve had some mommy friends who had great support at home (mothers, husbands) who never missed a minute of sleep.

Each person has their own experiences, and it’s not fair for someone else to say that you don’t know what true tiredness is until you’ve had a child. It’s ridiculous. Just ignore it. They have no clue. 

Post # 4
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think ‘no kids’ is harsh or judgemental. To me it’s just another term for child free. As for your mother friends, people forget very quickly what life was like before children so she probably forgets about the times in her life where she was extremely tired even without children. I think you are just over analysing it, but that happens when you’re pregnant so don’t let it get to you. 

Post # 5
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

For most people ie those that haven’t suffered any kind of debilitating illness etc, being pregnant can make you so tired – it’s actually unlike any other kind of tired I have ever experienced!

Bringing up kids again is exhausting although despite sleepless nights feeding them or being up with them when they are teething or ill, I actually find I am more tired now going through the menopause and  not sleeping!

I think what people are expressing when they post memes like this is their utter shock at HOW tired they are – the odd late night party or spending all night studying simply does not compare!

Unfortunately there are people like yourself OP who for various reasons DO know what it is like to be SO tired!  However don’t take it to heart – despite what my ex-husband thought – being tired isn’t a competitive sport!

Post # 6
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I, at the moment, am child free and I have been talked down to because of not having children. The “you don’t,know what exhaustion/stress/love is until you’ve had children” is the biggest one I hear all the time.

I’ve also been told I should have to work holidays, because I do not have children. I’ve been told I should not make more money than a person who has a child. I see where they’re coming from with the holiday one, but some holidays I do like to spend with my family too. The pay one I feel was a little it of line to me. 

Don’t get me wrong, I respect those who have chosen to have children and those who haven’t. 

Post # 7
Member
2120 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, I so get it. My personal experience with mothers is that EVERYTHING is a competition. Every single aspect if life is harder with kids, live all of us with no kids have never been stressed, or tired, or confused, or unable to do something. 

I had undiagnosed coeliacs for a year and was SO sick and tired, my doctor couldn’t believe I was even leaving the house cause my iron levels were so low. At that point I was still studying full time, and working part time. 

I’ve been up all day and night tending to a very sick puppy when my boy was wee. I worked full time, and studied part time. As we are still renting I can’t leave the dog at home, so I know what it is like to plan a day by where the “little one” can go, where there are dog friendly facilities, how long he can sit in the car without fussing, etc etc. 

My puppy is a giant breed, so he’s not some tiny thing that’s easy to deal with. When we travel, we have a suitcase just for him, plus his bed, plus extras.

I get annoyed because I don’t try and undermine what parenting is – I never say it isn’t hard – but parents so often seem to try to undermine the lives of those of us without children. I still have to budget, I still have my own problems. They’re different problems, but that doesn’t make them any less difficult to deal with. 

Post # 8
Member
4501 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

F*ck anyone who says I have never been exhausted just because I don’t have kids. I reckon if that popped up on my feed it would be worth an un-friending.

Post # 9
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t have kids, but I have been taking care of my 8 year old sweetheart nephew for the last two days and my body is hurting all other. I think, as most other memes it’s not intended as a totally serious statement. Although I am sure some parents actually think nothing is more tiring than being a parent. But they’d probably find a way to be obnoxious, even without kids. Ok. Will try to get out of bed and survive day 3 now. 

Post # 11
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

A friend of mine recently made a status update about how tired she was working crazy overtime every day. 7 days a week. For over a month. She was trying to meet a deadline before her wedding and honeymoon so had to squish all the planning in around it too. She made it light-hearted, wasn’t whiney, just joked her veil was going to be a pillow and stuff. My heart went out to her.

The first sympathetic response? Was a mother with a kid with an ear infection competing over hours slept the night before. “I couldn’t put my head on my pillow for longer than 10 minutes at a time. It could be worse!”

How’s that for kindness? My friend actually apologised for complaining about being tired stating “I forget how much tougher you mummies have it”  

It made me so mad I nearly wrote a message to my friend to retract the apology and stand up for herself. Lucky I didn’t, I was just peeved. Instead I replied on her post in capital letters “IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP? I know it can help just to have a sympathetic ear or the offer of a hand. You have both of mine whenever! X”

 

Post # 12
Member
4326 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have a three month old, and I will say that I have never been so tired; however, I don’t think my “tiredness” needs to compete with anyone’s.  I don’t need to win some kind of suffering Olympics. A lot of women seem to think that the more you suffer =the better the mom you are.

Post # 13
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

I have actually found it more exhausiting being pregnant than haivng kids. I remember when I had glandular fever I was extremely exhaused and unwell and when I ran the city to surf (a 12k run here in Sydeny) I was more physically exhaused than I have ever been. Oh and giving birth is pretty damn exhausting.

I think there are a million things in life that can be exhausting. Having kids is defititly one. Some of them have assocated upsdies and some really crappy ones like being sick have only downsides. But I would take it over any kind of illness or chronic condition any day.

I think that we are all too quick to make comparisions and turn things into a competition of who has it harder. Everyone’s situation is different and no one’s experience makes another’s irrelevant.

And I hate this ongoing battel between people who have kids and those who don’t. I find the stupid memes on boths sides so pathetic. Obviously having kids myself I find it revolting when people refer to them as parasites or crap like that. If you’re happy in your choice then you shouldnt have to rub it in everyone’s face all the time. 

 

Post # 14
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’ve fortunately never heard this one – but I am SO READY to give the verbal smack down if I do.

I’m a teacher and spend my days with 24 kids, this year two have ADHD, one has ASD, two have anxiety disorders, one is struggling with her parents’ divorce and two have such severe learning disabilities that they score ‘critically low’ on most assessments. Of course I know what tired is…

Post # 15
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
garnobella :  I’ve watched seven family members go through the process of being diagnosed with coeliac, all of them had different symptoms but they were all seriously ill and exhausted. Coeliac disease is rough. 

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