(Closed) "You don't know what exhausted is"

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
Post # 167
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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peegee :  I imagine that if we went through this thread and counted up the number of mothers who trotted out the “we do get more tired”/”we know real love” type chestnuts and the number of CF women who used the language you object to, the numbers would be relatively equal.

Yet the CF women, the women that the No Kids board was designed for, the women who do not enjoy the benefits of making the cultural status quo choice, need to get over the mothers who make those comments because they’re just a few insenstive people and all that (cf. your post #158), but because you are offended by the one or two CF women using this strident language you have the right to derail the discussion for pages?  If you’re allowed to get upset over those one or two women because they represent what you believe is a larger pattern on the No Kids board then we are allowed to get upset at the handful of “insensitive people” on this thread because they represent a much more obvious and pernicious pattern on the No Kids board.  You know, as we CF women get told whenever we try to defend ourselves, if you don’t like her posts (because we both know you’re basically talking about one poster here, at least on this thread) then report them and if it’s so bad the mods will handle it.

And then, for a bonus, you tell CF women that it’s basically no big deal that our culture, by and large, tells us that “motherhood is normal or expected or to be praised” (post 163) because omg you guise moms have problems too!!!  How many times do most of us CF women have to say WE KNOW?!  

I’m starting to think that the CF women who saw how threads on this board played out early on and decided they wouldn’t post on it because if they wanted to get hassled about being CF they could just go to church or talk to their families were right.

ETA: I went through the whole thread and I found two CF women who the specific words that you objected to.  Now, it’s 2am here so maybe I missed a couple (and I’m happy to be corrected if I’m wrong).  However, this number is still smaller than the number of mothers trotting out the belitting chestnuts (I counted four…I missed one earlier).

Post # 168
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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Itsnotme :  I’m certainly not saying there’s no other mean comments in other threads, I’ve seen all kinds of it, but I’m talking about generalized derogatory terms about a certain group, that in particular I haven’t seen anywhere else. Me expressing this in no way invalidates everything else that you’re saying, I’ve seen the insensitive comments posted here, and I get how frustrating it must be, but I fail to see how that it justifies offensive language about an entire group. 

Post # 170
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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MarriedToMyWork :  I didn’t say you need to get over the insensitive comments, not in any manner did I even suggest that. I think they should be addressed and in fact I have yet to see a time where it wasn’t addressed immediately by several posters. I’m not telling you to get over anything, I stated that I think it’s great that you have somewhere to express your feelings and vent, and that I agree with most of what you’re saying and have only come in here ever to offer support or a non-judgemental insight. All I simply stated was that some of the language has been offensive to me, and honestly it wasn’t this thread in particular that really bothered me but another one that was about a sensitive topic that any woman could potentially relate to and it really bothered me to see such exclusive language being used. You’re right though, the best course of action would be to report something I find offensive, I just thought I would voice my opinion as maybe some people didn’t realize it was offensive to others. It really was not meant to be taken this far. 

Post # 171
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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Itsnotme :  While it may not be derogatory to you, it most certainly is being used with that intention in many cases and as it is specifically being used against a certain group of people, people outside that group don’t get to decide if it’s derogatory or not.

I don’t really think a Facebook meme about a mom being more tired than non moms is offensive (stupid and inaccurate sure, but not offensive), but I can understand how you might feel that way and came to offer my support instead of justifying it. 

 

Post # 176
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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Itsnotme :  Okay my bad, instead of addressing what I see as a problem head on, next time I’ll just create a thread in the parenting boards about how offensive CF people are. Like what is that logic? Nobody is being forced to silence themselves, it’s just my opinion, and one that I made because I enjoy contributing when I can and don’t want to be made to feel excluded. 

Post # 177
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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Itsnotme :  Sorry I was editing before I saw your response, it’s too frigging late for me to express myself clearly. For what it’s worth I’m an in betweener too and I didn’t want children for most of my life, which is why I feel sometimes I can relate to the threads in this section. Even now as a pregnant woman I don’t feel that I totally relate to a lot of other pregnant women and moms, which is fine, everyone is different. I guess I feel I can relate to both sides in some ways, which is probably why I got offended. 

Post # 179
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Well I did see it on this thread as well, which is why I said something, but I’ll be honest it was fueled by what I have seen in general. Maybe you feel I should have started a new thread but in the moment I didn’t think it was that serious or that’s it would derail the thread to this degree, I just saw something that bothered me and spoke up. I didn’t come here to express my offense, like I said I came here to support what you were saying and add my take on why people do it. This is not the first time I have come to add my support in these threads only to see exclusionary language being used and it bothered me so I said something, like I have previously. Sorry for the derail, my point has been made and obviously not everyone agrees, so carry on. 

Post # 180
Member
2003 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

A shame this thread got derailed but I’ll just agree that tiredness is a competetive sport. My friend did an ultra marathon (50 miles) last weekend and posted the next day on Facebook that she was exhausted but proud of herself, then a mutual friend commented “try being awake half the night with a 3 week old! Exhausted isn’t the word.” I just added “well done (marathon friend) that’s amazing, you’re my inspiration.” Don’t put other people’s achievements down to make yourself feel better. 

I have a weekend of friends with kids under 18 months old coming over this weekend so wish me luck on the pestering us to start a family!

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