(Closed) "You don't know what exhausted is"

posted 5 years ago in No Kids
Post # 46
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

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Itsnotme :  oh I’m sorry. I didn’t realize this thread was only for people who agree with you and are perfect people who never judge anyone on anything. I hope you never internally judge ANYONE about anything (which is virtually impossible as a human) because if you do, that would be very hypocritical.

Post # 47
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

 Those kinds of statements are actually why I don’t post on Facebook about how exhausted I am, or my medical issues (which have been multiplying lately), or anything related to my wedding (because you inevitably get the person who goes “Why don’t you just put all that money toward a house?”). I’m tired of the people who want to play misery poker with me.

Post # 48
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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moondrops :  CFBC = child free by choice

And I stand by my comment that you appear to lack some empathy or perspective. As my Fiance just said, “The only person who will ever know what it feels like to be tired as me, is me. And I have no business trying to compare my tired with anyone else’s, and they have no business comparing theirs with mine.” But I do appreciate that you’ve pointed out that you don’t actually go around voicing your comparisons to people. It is obviously fine for you to have feelings. What we’re talking about here is when people get vocally competitive about how hard their lives are. It sounds, from your recent reply, like you would actually agree that’s not an appropriate thing to do. And that’s really what OP was saying.

Post # 49
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

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GreenGables :  Of course I wouldn’t go around intenionally trying to make anyone feel bad for any reason. But I feel like since I voiced a different opinion that I am being made to feel bad and inferior for it. Like everyone else always has pure perfect thoughts at all times. 

 

Post # 50
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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moondrops :  I don’t think it’s that you voiced an opinion. You’re obviously entitled to it. But you should have some awareness of how it looks when you come on a “No kids” board, where CBFC’ers support each other, on a thread where OP posted about parents making their lives into a competition with ours, and your comment essentially amounts to, “Well, our lives ARE really hard, guys, and even though I wouldn’t say it to your face I am totally judging you when you talk about how hard your lives are.” It really doesn’t come off as helpful or productive to the discussion.

Post # 51
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

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GreenGables :  Oh. I see. I am new to weddingbee and haven’t been paying much attention to which category each post is in. I can see how my opinion could be abrasive to a board where the purpose is to support each other in not having kids. I didn’t realize that’s what this was. 

Post # 52
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I used to work up north in the winter. Outside. In negative, snowy, icy weather. Overnights. For 12 hours a day – no breaks, no lunches (it was contract work so that’s technically totally legal). I loved (/sarcasm) when I’d come home and my sister (who had 2 kids and worked in a warm, cushy office) would say, “Oh, you don’t have to deal with kids, you can’t be THAT exhausted.” LOL! She was cute. (And by cute, I mean gross.)

Post # 53
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh man, YES.  I have a friend who works 3 jobs, works out for 1-2 hours 6 days per week, and her main job has mandatory overtime 4-5 months out of the year.  She started talking to another one of our mutual friends about how tired she was, a “friend” who has a newborn, and she was RIPPED a new one by this “friend”.  She showed me the texts and it was horrible.  The “friend” telling her she can’t be THAT exhausted because she doesn’t have to deal with kids and how errands can’t add THAT much time to her day because she doesn’t have kids and how she just doesn’t understand “tired”.  I mean WTF.

I see well over 100 students every day when I’m teaching.  I teach a total of 250 students and I teach grades K-8 and sometimes it is like herding cats.  The irony is I’ll bet the parents who say “you don’t know tired” have never had to teach a class of 25 kids with 20% suffering from a learning disability and 10% suffering from ADD and the other percent are naughty as hell.  All while trying to TEACH the students and keep their attention.  Seriously it’s like herding cats some days.  Don’t get me wrong I LOVE what I do, I truly do, but just because I don’t have kids of my own I don’t “get” what tired is???  Obviously those who judge me based off of that don’t have a flipping clue as to what my job entails.  I’ll bet any parent who says “you don’t know tired unless you have a kid” couldn’t last a day in a teacher’s shoes.

My longwinded point here is that everyone has stressors in their lives.  Everyone.  You don’t know what it like to be in someone else’s shoes, so you really can’t pass judgment.

Post # 54
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

Not married yet and don’t have kids, but I can empathize. Some people are really just unhappy with their own lives and choices that they have to go around diminishing other people’s life experiences. It’s always a competition with these people and a cry for attention.

“School is so tiring.” “School is nothing until you start working.” “Work is so tiring.” “Work is nothing until you have kids.” “Kids are so tiring.” “Kids are nothing until you get old and have a debilitating disease.” You won’t ever win with these people. Everyone has hardships in their lives that reflect where they are in life.

While we can say a debilitating disease is a lot worse than a broken leg, it doesn’t mean the person with a broken leg won’t feel pain. People who tell someone they have no right to complain about their pain/hardships/exhaustion just because they have it worse are presumptious and really lack empathy.

Post # 55
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I have over 90 allergies. My lungs are usually inflamed and I get bronchitis often sometimes for months. I’m always developing new chemical allergies so I have to make my own cleaning products. I have to go to an allergy clinic twice a week for shots. I work 50 hours a week as a hair stylist around chemicals that probably irritate my symptoms. I’m not saying being a parent is easy, but I know what tired is too lol It’s rare that I wake up and say “gee, I don’t feel like shit today.”

Bottom line: most of us live busy lives and have stuff going on. We’re all tired.

Post # 56
Member
831 posts
Busy bee

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averria :  absolutely. Maybe we all need to grow a thicker skin?

Post # 57
Member
343 posts
Helper bee

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Itsnotme :  Honestly, when I read those kind of memes all I can think about is “thank god I am CFBC”. I find it silly that someone needs to brag about being more exhausted than someone else, and then blame it on the kids. I wish I could just reply to them “Thank God I will never be as exhausted as a mother!”, and then let them figure out if I am being sarcastic or not.

In any case, I think it is worse when they go “You don’t know love until you’ve had a child”. This, I just don’t understand it: Are you telling me to have a kid so I can discover a new type of love? Are you selling me some magic pill so I can see things in a new way? What an awful ad for having kids :/ 

Post # 58
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee

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MeandYou :  I think for the most part, these people are just minor annoyances in our lives and we deal with it pretty well. It just sucks that people tell you that you shouldn’t be complaining because they have it worse when you’re sick/vulnerable. You’re sick, you’re tired, you’re vulnerable and probably very emotional, you don’t need the lecture. Some people try to twist it in a way that makes you feel better, but honestly in this case saying nothing at all is probably best.

Post # 59
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

We live in a culture of privilege that loves to compete over who has it “worse”. I see it all the time, who works harder, who has a tougher job etc. I don’t think it’s worth getting upset over although I would certainly roll my eyes at this kind of thing. 

For what it’s worth I don’t have kids yet (currently pregnant) but I have had severely low vitamin b12 levels twice in my life and could barely function I was so exhausted, I’ve never experienced anything like it, so yeah I understand exhaustion, but we all have different standards I suppose.

Post # 60
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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newlywednewbie :  I would never say “You don’t know love until you’ve had a child.” To anyone. But honestly, I can’t fathom loving anything as much as I love my kids, it’s like they are literally part of me and I know without a doubt I would die for them in a heartbeat. And I will say, that I never felt anything near that kind of love until I had kids. So…I guess take it for what you will.

As for putting others down or minimizing their exhaustion because they don’t have kids, that’s just silly. Everyone has different struggles in life, no use in getting out the measuring stick. 

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