(Closed) “You don’t like my friends” very long and emotional

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Hm. I haven’t had this type of experience before, so I’m not sure how helpful I can be…but it does sound like you guys are very different socially. That’s ok! Fiance is super outgoing, the life of the party. I’m more of the introverted (but polite) “Mother Hen.” I make sure everyone has a drink, knows where the food is, etc. If I don’t hit it off with someone, I generally don’t have much to do with them, whereas Fiance will talk and talk with people and later admit “Eh, they were boring.” We’re just super different socially. I’m fairly quiet in new situations; Fiance has had to learn that that doesn’t mean I don’t LIKE people, it’s just how I am. It sounds like (maybe?) you are the same.

I sort of understand the costume thing, but I do find it a bit silly, I’ll admit. No, I don’t think all costumes create the best impression, but I have met three new friends at Halloween parties and they didn’t assume I always dressed up like Marilyn Monroe or a Pink Lady. It’s sort of understood that you don’t go around like that, so again I’m admitting I don’t quite get your hangup with that one.

I’m sorry you both feel so at odds about this and about certain friend groups. Friends can be a difficult topic, especially when it’s a whole group that has some not-as-great people as a part of them. The older I get though, the pickier I am with my friends, and so is Fiance. He’s nicer to everyone but our real friends are more limited.

Post # 4
42 posts

Like Ameilia said I too am different socially than my SO. He is more out going and I am more quiet and observant unless I know the people well and then I don’t shut up.

It just sounds like you two got lost in communication and things got misunderstood. You both didnt catch onto the miscommunication until it was too late and feelings were hurt and parties were missed. It is good that it is out in the open and now it will be easier to work through. 

Maybe you guys could try one more time with a get together with both some of your friends and some of his so there is common ground and it might makes things easier because you will have people there that you are comfortable with. 

I admit that I don’t care for a few of my SOs friends, but it works for us because we tend to hang out separately with our own group of friends most of the time. I think you just need to find a solution that works best and makes you both happy. If it means alone time with your own friends then maybe that is okay too.

hope this was helpful in some way hehe

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