(Closed) You guys are a lot more reserved than I am…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I love what you just said about the Dr. Phil thing! That’s a great way of looking at it in terms of importance! I’m going to remember that one!

Post # 4
57 posts
Worker bee

@snobunny:   I guess I’ve sort of made the mistake of thinking that since he’s the man I’m going to marry that I should be able to tell him anything and everything…so I did…I told him on many occassions that I was sick of waiting, that it hurt my self esteem to keep me waiting, that it made me feel vulnerable to not have control of how/when my life changes and that I felt that if he cared about me he’d want me to have some say in how things go– that he’d discuss things with me.

I swear I could have wrote that.  I have said the exact same things to my boyfriend.  That is so exciting that you have a feeling a proposal is coming though!  Apparently something you said/did got through to him!  I think sometimes guys just need another perspective on marriage to see things through…

Post # 5
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh they totally do.  It took a semi-drunk friend for my man to finally realize he better shape up and take charge or ship out!  I’m glad he’s realized that I’m the one!

Men they bring out the worse and the best in us! LOL  Great post!  Thanks!!

Post # 6
4 posts

I love your post! I feel the exact same way. If he’s the one for me I feel like I should be able to tell him exactly how I feel and I have. After a major meltdown a few months ago I’ve not said another word. He now knows exactly how I feel and I’ve made up my mind to not nag or say another word about it.

I can tell he’s noticed because it’s not like me to keep my mouth shut. The constant Christmas jewelery commericals KILL ME, but I say nothing. He has even started to make comments when they come on like, what do you think of this jewelry store or what’s your favorite jewlerly store..?? I told him I didn’t know and didn’t have one…he said ” I know you do”, but I bit my tounge to avoid saying anything because I knew it could lead to me getting upset because he KNOWS how much I want a ring.

After reading this forum for awhile I’ve decided to take Mr. Bee’s advice and lay off for and let things happen. The Boyfriend or Best Friend even said to me once he wished I would just let him do it when he’s ready, so I am. I’ve got a date in my  mind and will not bring up engagements until then. If he can’t make a committment/timeline by then I have decided to end it. After 4 years you know or you don’t.

I’m happy you think a proposal is on it’s way. I hope I can post some good news one day too.

Post # 7
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Your post is great.  I think that scale thing from Dr. Phil is a good way to deal with alot of things in the future as well. 

Post # 8
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is a great post! Really thoughtful and well-written, and I think a lot of bees can relate. I definitely can!

Post # 9
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@snobunny: Couple days before my now Fiance proposed, I wrote a post here in WB about how I had ruined it. That even if it did happen in the next days, I had managed to turn a very special moment of our lives into a drama. I had complained, cried, etc. I thought: when he gives me the ring I’m not even going to be happy, I’m going to be resentful. And I can tell you that I was absolutely wrong. His proposal was nothing short of magical and perfect and our love was definitely at its peak that day. We moved in together, we’re enjoying our engagement, wedding planning. Waiting is hard, I keep saying that. Do not feel bad for whatever you’ve said, if he’s the man for you he’ll try to understand your feelings and he’ll know it’s not your normal self who’s talking.

Post # 10
2317 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Thank you for this post, I think its a classic example on how a post like this should be written. So many times I’ve seen people be judgmental and condescending while attempting to get this exact point across. Very well articulated!

As for you, I’m happy that things seems to be moving in the right direction for you. Welcome to the hive!

Post # 11
297 posts
Helper bee

@snobunny:  “and nothing that really is bad can’t be salvaged with a strong enough relationship.”  Love that.

Thank you for your post.  Very articulate and emotional to read. 🙂

Post # 12
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@LittlePenguin: When I was waiting, I too, told my then Boyfriend or Best Friend, how I felt. I, too, felt like if this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with that I wanted to let him know how I was feeling. Plus, he can always tell when I’ m upset and not knowing why seems to make him even more upset. I guess different people handle waiting in different ways but your post was really well written and I loved the Dr. Phil quote…something VERY important to keep in mind in all relationships.

Post # 13
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@snobunny: I admire your honesty with your SO and with us. I have to say that honesty (even if at times it hurts, and it does) is so important- saying it like it is with each other is the groundwork of my relationship with SO 🙂 So I totally feel you on that

and the Dr. Phil quote- That is an excellent way of putting it! I hope you dont mind me using that as an example for other waiting bees, because I think thats a great way to present it to an SO someone might be having troubling getting through to!

Thanks for your insight!

Post # 14
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow…. just wow… Well said! I wish you had posted this last year so I could have used it. I was not able to articulate so well to my S.O. then about an engagement.


Post # 15
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Thank you so much for posting this.  I haven’t even worked up the balls to have a big talk with SO yet, but I saw it ending up with me crying and the whole thing being super dramatic and horrible.  You’ve articulated things so well here – You’ve really given me a whole new vocabulary to use when I finally do bring it up to him (nextmonthohmygod).  Thank you SO MUCH.  I love the line about feeling really vulnerable not having any control over such a big change in your life – I hadn’t even realized “vulnerable” was what I was feeling, but you’re so right.

Well put, Snobunny, and best of luck!

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