Post # 1
Hello all! I’d like to get pros/cons feedback or personal stories/experiences.
My So was talking to me last night about near future places we are narrowing down to live in.
He then switched over to wanting to say something else and started to look down, smile, and kinda seemed like he was having trouble bringing it up.
He was nervous! He then asks, “I wanted to ask how you want to go about shopping for it”…I was like, “shopping for..the ring, lol?” He says yes. Lol.
We both still want the proposal element of it, he threw out ways he’s heard ppl go about it and that he was overthinking it, and essentially, it’s between: Shopping for a ring, and narrowing it down to 2-3 and he can choose from there, and propose whenever he receievs the ring.
OR he proposes with a stand in ring and then we go after to go get the real one.
There’s pros and cons to both. I like the element of surprise for when he proposes, which would happen in the second option, but It’d be nice to be able to have my ring on once he proposes so I can take photos and send to my fam lol.
What would you guys do, or what did you do? 🙂
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard
We shopped together and I’m glad we did. I was able to do damage control that way.
Post # 3
ladama : My husband picked out my ring on his own but we’d previously gone into some jewelery stores to “browse” so he knew what I wanted and he did a great job picking out a beautiful solitaire for me.
If you still want the surprise factor, but also want the ring at time of proposal could you just send him some ideas of what you’d want then trust him to pick something out and keep the purchase a secret?
Post # 4
futuremrs2020 : I love that idea! Keeping the purchase a secret. I think im leaning towards that. GIve him ideas of color/cut/styles I like, and let him decide from there. 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
My sister was proposed to with a stand in ring, then they went shopping together so she could pick it out. She LOVED it. But a wait for the ring to be ready.
i chose with my fiancé and left the final choice up
to him. Still a surprise but the ring was ready at the proposal!
Post # 6
For me, I say, shop together and give him about 3 options. I wouldn’t want to overwhelm him with too many options to choose from, but I think 3 would be good. This is a great idea. This way, you won’t be disappointed and it will still be a surprise because you don’t know which one he is choosing for you.
Post # 7
ladama : I also know a guy who proposed with a solitaire with the intention of having the girl design the ring she wanted after the proposal but using that center stone. Like she wanted a halo ring, he didn’t know what to pick so he basically just proposed with the center stone then they designed it after. So still a surprise proposal, still got a “real ring”, but then got to chose the exact design she wanted after the fact.
There’s a lot of ways to go about it!
Post # 8
Here’s my experience so far, Bee.
My SO would never have been able to narrow down my diamond or ring choice without my input. I think it really depends on what you want and how complex or “out of the norm” it will be.
We went to a brick and mortar store so my SO could see the different metal colors, diamond sizes, diamond colors, and ring widths. He’s going to be designing my setting (and all he will have is a pile of inspiration photos). He needed to see how different things look on my finger so he can visualize it while he’s in the process.
He wired the money for an OEC diamond yesterday, and we’ll be receiving it next week. He’s excited for an entirely different reason than me. We’re both excited to be getting engaged in the upcoming months, but I’m thrilled with the history and uniqueness of the antique diamond. He’s super duper anticipating my reaction when we open the package and see the diamond for the first time. I made him promise no videos because I want him to be in the moment, but I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t hide a camera somewhere! Haha
The ring design process will be his. I’ve gathered my photos, my thoughts, and my list of “could be”s. That way, he has full control over the timing. I will have literally no idea when the ring is completed, shipped, in his possession, etc. He wants the proposal to be a complete surprise, but he wanted my input on the diamond specifallt and the ring loosely. And thus, our Frankensteined solution to being modern and traditional at the same time!
All of this just to say— you can create a unique situation for yourselves. Do what works for you! I didn’t want a stand-in, because part of the fun of being engaged is being able to wear THE ring. I didn’t want to be “showing off” a stand-in when people would inevitably grab my hand to ohh and ahh.
Post # 9
Yeah, theres so many ways to go about it. Even though Im not great with surprises, I would love for the proposal to be one. By shopping together, I know that I will be anticipatiing the proposal the entire time until it happens. But i know it will still eb a surprise and im still going to be nervous and shaking and excited lol.
Post # 10
We shopped for a loose diamond together. Then he designed the setting himself–drew the design on paper and took it to a goldsmith to make.
It is so fantastic to get a ring your fiance chose himself.
Do you already know which diamond shape you want? If not, go shopping with him to determine which one you like. Once you are decided on that, then give him a list of your likes/dislikes. For example: No halo, rose gold only, thin band. This way you still get your preferences, but you also get the wonderful feeling of getting a ring that he loves and chose especially for you.
Post # 11
I’d go shopping with him to pick out a couple that you like. You’ll still have the element of surprise. I picked out the exact diamond and setting I wanted on Blue Nile and sent it to my fiance. (I wanted to have control over that aspect of it!) Even though I knew what I was getting, I didn’t know when it was going to happen, so it was a surprise. And seeing the ring in person is so exciting compared to just seeing the mockup on the website!
Post # 12
I’m not really one to want the ring to be a surprise – what if it’s a BAD surprise? For sure narrow it down. My boyfriend was really overwhelmed by all the different options, and there are so many tiny variations on each style, so he wanted me to pick exactly what I wanted, which was fine with me.
How he proposes though is up to him, and I figure that’s where the element of surprise is for me.
Whatever makes you happy though! Some of our friends had just the man pick out the ring, others collaborated, etc.
Post # 13
silverbee : ooooh I like this idea. I’m so excited! Because itll have features I like and not have ones I dont like, but itll still be a complete surprise with what he comes up with. Gahhhh!
nightskyforest : Yes, I think as long as I dont know wehn he will propose, itll still be a surprise, adn seeing the ring then will just make it surreal! 🙂
Post # 14
I loved shopping together with my now husband! It was an exciting time for us both and sharing in that experience was very special.
Post # 15
ladama : my husband knew the type/shape of stone I wanted and I showed him a few styles I liked and he picked from there. It worked because he wanted the surprise and I didn’t want the responsibility of choosing the final ring – I was torn between a few different styles and would have probably second guessed myself a million times. He picked out the perfect ring for me!