YOU GUYS. Which is better?

posted 6 months ago in Engagement
  • poll: Which order?
    Ring shop together, give him a few options that you love to choose from, so he can propose with it. : (92 votes)
    81 %
    Let him propose with a stand in ring, then shop for the actual ring together after. : (14 votes)
    12 %
    Other ideas? : (8 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    1090 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

    We shopped together and I’m glad we did. I was able to do damage control that way.

    Post # 3
    2917 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    ladama :  My husband picked out my ring on his own but we’d previously gone into some jewelery stores to “browse” so he knew what I wanted and he did a great job picking out a beautiful solitaire for me.

    If you still want the surprise factor, but also want the ring at time of proposal could you just send him some ideas of what you’d want then trust him to pick something out and keep the purchase a secret?

    Post # 5
    1450 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

    My sister was proposed to with a stand in ring, then they went shopping together so she could pick it out.  She LOVED it. But a wait for the ring to be ready.

    i chose with my fiancé and left the final choice up

    to him. Still a surprise but the ring was ready at the proposal!

    Post # 6
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: By the lake

    For me, I say, shop together and give him about 3 options.  I wouldn’t want to overwhelm him with too many options to choose from, but I think 3 would be good.  This is a great idea.  This way, you won’t be disappointed and it will still be a surprise because you don’t know which one he is choosing for you.

    Post # 7
    2917 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    ladama :  I also know a guy who proposed with a solitaire with the intention of having the girl design the ring she wanted after the proposal but using that center stone. Like she wanted a halo ring, he didn’t know what to pick so he basically just proposed with the center stone then they designed it after. So still a surprise proposal, still got a “real ring”, but then got to chose the exact design she wanted after the fact. 

    There’s a lot of ways to go about it!

    Post # 8
    1142 posts
    Bumble bee

    Here’s my experience so far, Bee.

    My SO would never have been able to narrow down my diamond or ring choice without my input. I think it really depends on what you want and how complex or “out of the norm” it will be.

    We went to a brick and mortar store so my SO could see the different metal colors, diamond sizes, diamond colors, and ring widths. He’s going to be designing my setting (and all he will have is a pile of inspiration photos). He needed to see how different things look on my finger so he can visualize it while he’s in the process. 

    He wired the money for an OEC diamond yesterday, and we’ll be receiving it next week. He’s excited for an entirely different reason than me. We’re both excited to be getting engaged in the upcoming months, but I’m thrilled with the history and uniqueness of the antique diamond. He’s super duper anticipating my reaction when we open the package and see the diamond for the first time. I made him promise no videos because I want him to be in the moment, but I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t hide a camera somewhere! Haha 

    The ring design process will be his. I’ve gathered my photos, my thoughts, and my list of “could be”s. That way, he has full control over the timing. I will have literally no idea when the ring is completed, shipped, in his possession, etc. He wants the proposal to be a complete surprise, but he wanted my input on the diamond specifallt and the ring loosely. And thus, our Frankensteined solution to being modern and traditional at the same time! 

    All of this just to say— you can create a unique situation for yourselves. Do what works for you! I didn’t want a stand-in, because part of the fun of being engaged is being able to wear THE ring. I didn’t want to be “showing off” a stand-in when people would inevitably grab my hand to ohh and ahh.  

    Post # 10
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 1995

    We shopped for a loose diamond together.  Then he designed the setting himself–drew the design on paper and took it to a goldsmith to make. 

    It is so fantastic to get a ring your fiance chose himself.

    Do you already know which diamond shape you want? If not, go shopping with him to determine which one you like. Once you are decided on that, then give him a list of your likes/dislikes. For example: No halo, rose gold only, thin band. This way you still get your preferences, but you also get the wonderful feeling of getting a ring that he loves and chose especially for you. 

    Post # 11
    468 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2019

    I’d go shopping with him to pick out a couple that you like. You’ll still have the element of surprise. I picked out the exact diamond and setting I wanted on Blue Nile and sent it to my fiance. (I wanted to have control over that aspect of it!) Even though I knew what I was getting, I didn’t know when it was going to happen, so it was a surprise. And seeing the ring in person is so exciting compared to just seeing the mockup on the website!

    Post # 12
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2020

    I’m not really one to want the ring to be a surprise – what if it’s a BAD surprise? For sure narrow it down. My boyfriend was really overwhelmed by all the different options, and there are so many tiny variations on each style, so he wanted me to pick exactly what I wanted, which was fine with me. 

    How he proposes though is up to him, and I figure that’s where the element of surprise is for me.

    Whatever makes you happy though! Some of our friends had just the man pick out the ring, others collaborated, etc.

    Post # 14
    1085 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    I loved shopping together with my now husband! It was an exciting time for us both and sharing in that experience was very special. 

    Post # 15
    7904 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    ladama :  my husband knew the type/shape of stone I wanted and I showed him a few styles I liked and he picked from there. It worked because he wanted the surprise and I didn’t want the responsibility of choosing the final ring – I was torn between a few different styles and would have probably second guessed myself a million times. He picked out the perfect ring for me! 

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