kied767 : …he said there’s no difference to him in living together or getting married
Not all guys feel this way, but it seems a lot of them these day do, according to the threads here. That’s why I think it really benefits a woman to get this topic out in the open before moving in, but I fear a lot of them are either afraid to know up front, or move in hoping/thinking that he will change his mind once she’s there.
In your case, he’s making it clear it is not something he sees as important, or intends to do. From your post, you are saying you enjoy your relationship other than this recent conversation. He’s telling you that marriage is not important nor on his radar. Please do not get pregnant. Do take a real look at this guy, because all his statements show his underlying values, and that is a concern.
“…if you’re not happy in this relationship, let me know because what’s the point of staying in an unhealthy relationship because no one if forcing you to…”
Yes, no one should be in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship, and he’s right about that. However he is telling you it doesn’t matter to him if you stay or go, which is no compliment to you.
“…face it, most women are selfish. All the wedding and receptions I know are really just a celebration by the woman for the glorification of herself. Does it look like I wanna spend 40k on a wedding ?”
Now there’s a strange conclusion(!!?!), and it’s degrading. His feelings about women (and possibly you too since you are one!) are disturbing. Has he made derogatory comments about women in the years that you have known him? That is a red flag there.
OK, so he doesn’t like lavish like a lot of the weddings are, especially in city areas. Not all weddings have to be that though. Weddings are for selfish women to glorify themselves? Not only an unacceptable, pompous comment for starters, but also sounds like he has some resentment in there.
The bottom line is if you want to be a wife someday, this is not your guy. At least he told you, instead of messing with your head and stringing you along like some men do.
However before you leave, have a final talk (NOT a threat, NOT an ultimatum, NOT a fight, NOT whining…but a genuine CALM intelligent heart to heart talk with him, and tell him how you feel, so that YOU can have closure and no ‘what if’. You will find out if he is even capable of a heart to heart, which I doubt that he is. It could be an erroneous conclusion he’s come to from witnessing other couples in bad relationships. OR it could be a fear of commitment, where these men find the most ridiculous excuses, and never end in marriage. AND/OR it could be deep-seated feelings toward women which he has indicated here. I realize all we can know about him is just what you’ve posted, but do keep in mind his comment about women, because if he holds a contempt or hatred of women, which from your post sounds like he does, then this is not a man you should even want to be with let alone to marry. He’s already shown little value to you. So in any case, you will have your confirmation. Because so far, he’s made it very clear.
It’s easier to see what you want to see and scary to ask and find out for fear of the outcome, but honestly it’s better to know now than later when you’re even more invested. People who don’t speak up and “ride it out” for fear of rocking the boat get the same outcome down the road anyway, so finding out the truth could have saved themselves years of heartache and wasted time. Good luck, Bee!