(Closed) you ladies were so right……

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@Miss. Meeps: couldn’t have said it better myself. Therapy to work on you is the next step, and only once you can heal yourself, can you find the man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 

I was with a guy who i thought I would marry, who treated me wonderfully. We were together for 3 years, only to find out that he had been smoking pot behind my back for the last 2 years, and had recently started to cheat with his bf’s gf of 9 years!  So basically, he started out as a prince, and turned out to be a monster. Now, 7 years later, I am married to a wonderfully amazing man who makes me feel better than I ever have, and her (the other woman’s) ex is no married to a great girl and they have an adorable son together. While my ex is still single (surprise, things didn’t work out between them), and she has a son with a man who is very similar to your bf, and she is totally miserable.

All of that to say, that you are NOT the problem, and you can fix yourself and grow to be an amazing person who will find the right person, while he will continue to be toxic, and spend the rest of his life miserable because he doesn’t know how to treat women

Post # 35
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Impatiently waiting: good for you with the 7 years clean! And with this issue just like everything else one day at a time.


Post # 36
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Impatiently waiting: Are you out of the apartment? Go somewhere else so he can’t come back you and try to sweep you off your feet.

Do not give him another chance and don’t put yourself through the torture of himi coming back and trying to convince you to stay. You need to get out before he comes home again.

Post # 37
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@Impatiently waiting: that’s usually how it happens, but at least you guys weren’t married yet or had kids before he showed his true colors! I agree, that you need to get out of the apartment, and leave him permanently

Post # 38
6350 posts
Bee Keeper

Hey lady. I’m sorry that you are hurting. I do highly suggest therapy. My dad was/is a huge loser and I was always attracted to abusive losers like him. I don’t want to say much about my exes online but you can PM me if you need someone to talk to. 

I went through two plus years of therapy before I was able to love myself enough to realize I deserved better. I actually knew Fiance for years before I realized how fantastic he was. Before therapy, he would have seemed too nice to me and I would have ignored him.

Please keep yourself save. If you need help finding a place to stay, please please PM me and I will try to help you. A close friend runs a shelter here for abused women and I’m positive she can help me find one near you.


Post # 39
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@impatiently waiting — sorry, but practically nothing about a relationship is “a total shock”.  Call me crazy but I basically believe (heard this somewhere) that we know just about all there is to know about a person in 10 minutes of talking with them!

We know all the junk about the guys l o n g before we’re willing to admit it to ourselves if we’re romantically attracted to them.  It’s tough but prove us all wrong — that you won’t take him back when he tries to get back in.  Prove to us how strong and smart and self-respecting you really are, down deep.

Post # 40
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

He sounds like my ex…exactly.  Once, my ex had me order something through ebay for him on his account. Well, I was diligent about changing his address through ebay, but forgot paypal. Well, it went to the paypal address.  Simple mistake.  He was sitting right next to me as we placed the order.  But, he called me while I was still at work and called me every name in the book.  He YELLED at me for a long time.  I apologized profusely, but that wasn’t enough. When I got home, he made a big production of leaving and not telling me where he was going.  He was pissed for days about that.  He just didn’t talk to me.

This is a guy that would tell me what yours told you – that I was overreacting to everything…that I was too emotional.  He hated women – I got that speech too.  It was ironic because he would always overreact…but then somehow blame it on me.  I always put it on myself and would try to change me.  He berated me until my expectations of him were so low that he could do whatever he wanted – I could never expect more.

Get out. Get out now. They don’t change.  You have to be ready to leave – I get that…but try to get out.

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