Post # 1
Does this phrase bother anyone else out there? Or am I just being overly sensitive? It just seems weird that he’s being given permission to kiss me, whereas I’m just expected to kiss him back. Or stand there and be kissed. I kind of want to do something like “You may celebrate your union with a kiss”, but I’m worried that I’m making an issue out of nothing. Opinions?
Post # 3
We are using a phrase somewhat like “You may celebrate the beginning of your marriage with a kiss”
Post # 4
You could have your officiant say “You may kiss your spouse”. or something similar, if this really bothers you.
Personally, I want to hear that part of the ceremony. It is the “promise to obey” part that I have made sure is not going to be part of our vows.
Post # 5
I don’t know that anyone would really notice the difference in what’s said as long as ya’ll kiss! Really that’s what everyone’s looking for! So have fun and do it your way! :o) I love the idea!
Post # 6
It didn’t bug me before, but I think our priest said something like, “You may now kiss and seal the deal!” It wasn’t the traditional wording, and I was ok with that. 🙂
Post # 7
I understand why you would find this saying offensive. You could have you officiant say “You may kiss the bride” to your husband and then turn to you and say “you may kiss the groom” or vice versa.
Post # 8
It doesn’t bother me, but I can see why it might be offensive or annoying to others. I think you can change it to more accurately reflect you and your relationship!
Post # 9
@noritake22 – Oh yeah. There is NO WAY that “promise to obey” will appear in our ceremony. Unless it’s “I promise to obey when you tell me ‘no, honey – you just sit on the couch while I run to the store and get ice cream for you.'”
Post # 10
I think its just tradition. I suppose you could change it if you want to but with all the personal changes people are making to vows that seems to be the only thing that still remains.
Post # 11
I don’t think too many people notice because it’s such an ingrained part of the wedding psyche, like thowing rice, or tossing a bouquet. When you stop to think about it, then it can become offensive.
I personally don’t find it offensive as much as waaaaaaay outdated. Way back when the phrase was “useful”, I’d be taking my husbands’ last name and we’d have sex for the first time that night. But the times they have a’changed.
Our phrase will be something like “You may seal your union with a kiss”.
Post # 12
It bugs me too. We’re changing it to something like “You may now kiss for the first time as a married couple”.
Post # 13
Many weddings I have been too have changed it – I still like it but you could do something less traditional like “Now you can seal the deal with a kiss!” Etc.
Post # 14
I think that we as woman pick apart little things like this too much. Equality is important, but sometimes I think feminists take it too far( im NOT saying youre a feminist!). I dont think theres anything wrong with men being looked at as the care taker and opening doors, and paying for dinners. I think all of the focusing on trying to achieve exact equality is taking away from men being chivalrous. I kind of think we need to stop nitpicking things. Its a tradition and an old phrase I have no problem with.
Post # 15
@saldag – I wouldn’t take offense at being called a feminist, although I view myself as more of a humanist/equalist
Post # 16
I think I like you may seal your union with a kiss or something like that??? But I want to hear you may now kiss your wife 😀