(Closed) You picked your own engagement ring… Now upgrade?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think an upgrade would be even harder for a guy to swallow if she chose the original. If I tried to pull that one on Mr. LK, his response would be, “I let you choose exactly what you wanted and it still isn’t good enough?!?!?!” complete with a vein bulging out of his forehead. Asking him to spend more money on jewelry just to humor me when we have other financial goals to achieve would pretty much be a non-starter. Maybe she could wait for a big anniversary (10 years?) and ask for a RHR that is more engagement-ring style?

Post # 4
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have had similar feelings to your friend. I picked out my own engagement ring, but I tried to pick out something extremely affordable, and I ended up being dissatisfied.

I do think this is a potentially tricky situation. I don’t think your friend should at all feel guilty for her feelings. However, she should think carefully about how her husband would react if she told him. If she thought he would not be upset, by all means I think she should talk with him and explain. In that case, if finances are an issue, perhaps she could buy herself the new ring. It also might mean a lot to him if she treasured the original ring by wearing it daily as a right hand ring. For a new ring, maybe she would be interested in moissanite? It is so much cheaper than diamonds, but it generally looks similar, and the styles are great!

Good luck to her!

Post # 5
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I chose my e-ring but I told my Darling Husband right from the beginning that it was not my dream ring, but I liked it enough to be happy for awhile. So he knew from the start that I would want to upgrade later….he was wanting to get engaged really soon…which meant we did not have the time to save up any more money or to customize anything. SOoo I wore my original e-ring for 2.5 years and for our first wedding anniversary we upgraded my set. We were set up better money wise and I was able to get what I wanted within reason.

I did not feel guilty about it because we talked about upgrading before hand and the fact that I picked it out and not him. He helped me pick out my upgrade though Laughing 

Post # 6
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

He didn’t pick it, and it wasn’t used in the actual marriage ceremony, so I don’t really see much for him to get sentimental about… if the only “connection” is that he paid for it, well then let him pay for this new one too HAHA!

Seriously though, it’s almost impossible to know what he’s going to be sentimental about.  I just went through this recently when I was debating whether to have my ering setting re-made due to damage done by the manufacturer.  I thought Darling Husband would be upset I was essentially returning the ring he proposed with… turns out he didn’t mind at all.

I’d approach him with something along the lines of “we were so happy and excited, and everything happened so quickly, I didn’t have time to really research what I wanted in a ring, and now I feel like this one doesn’t really reflect my style.  How would you feel if WE CHOSE SOMETHING TOGETHER this time?”  This allows him to get in on the ring selection if he wants, and she can just steer him in the direction of the ring she’s already had her eye on 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@MissNoodles:  +1, “How would you feel if WE CHOSE SOMETHING TOGETHER this time?”  -absolutely!

Post # 8
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think it’s a problem, but I do think she should pay for every penny herself.

Post # 12
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

If they are already married (assuming they have joint bank accounts) then her money is his money too. That really sucks! I would think he would just want her to be happy with whatever is on her finger…and that it should not matter which ring it is..

 

Post # 13
Member
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@AngelBee3:  OP is this about you or a friend?  Either way I don’t think it is a big deal.

Post # 14
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, I would not feel comfortable asking to upgrade/change a ring I picked out myself. I actually did pick out my ering myself, including the setting and the exact diamond, but after all this time, I still 100% love it and can’t imagine swapping it out for another. Darling Husband gave me another amazing ring as a wedding gift (with TCW higher than my ering) and though I love that, I still love my ering more.

That said, if it was a financial issue and she “settled” for a ring because that’s all they could afford, I could maybe see a case for upgrading. Another scenario would be if it was giving her an allergic reaction or it is causing injury (some rings can really scratch a person up if she’s not careful!). But if it’s just, “Oops, I decided it’s not really me after all”, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing a swap/upgrade.

Post # 16
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If it is making her so unhappy, she should go ahead and do it.

As I mentioned, I am in the same situation. I picked a cheap ring when at the time, we probably could have afforded a little bit more. I think I picked it because I didn’t feel like I was good enough to get a more expensive ring, and when I look at it, I love it because my wonderful Fiance proposed with it, but I get a sour taste in my mouth because I know I am good enough to have something really special. So I do get what your friend is going through. It may seem stupid and insignificant to some people, but everyone is different, and for some people, the ring that we wear everyday has a great amount of symbolic meaning. I think I feel guilty about it because my mother never even had an engagement ring, so I grew up believing it was a luxury for … well, spoiled or lucky girls. (My parents could have afforded it, but they didn’t exactly have a sentimental, loving type relationship.) That probaaably explains why I picked a cheap ring… and now, why I have regrets, huh?

@MissNoodles:  I also agree it is hard to predict what one’s SO will be sentimental about.

Sorry for hijaking your thread! If you want, feel free to PM me.

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