Post # 1
I wasn’t really sure where to put this. Backstory: my aunt is basically my mother (my bio mom is out of the picture) and offered to contribute monetarily to my wedding back in 2015 when I got engaged. I suggested the idea of buying my wedding gown, since I know some mothers do this, but I told her that it was super generous of her to contribute at all and that of course I didn’t expect her to. She paid the ~$1800 for my gown, which I thanked her profusely for. As some of you know, I am now in the process of getting divorced.
I was recently on the phone with my aunt and she asked me what I was doing with my wedding gown. I told her I was considering selling it, since I didn’t want to hold onto it. Before I could finish my sentence, she interrupted me and abruptly said “you should sell it and give me the money.” Unbeknowst to her, I had already planned to do that and was thinking I’d surprise her with the money. Her demand made me pretty uncomfortable, but I told her “actually, I was planning to do that since you were kind enough to pay for it.” I also told her I was planning to have it cleaned before listing it for sale (it’s been sitting in my closet, bustled and not cleaned since I got married in June 2017.) She discouraged me against doing that and even suggested I bring the gown out to her in California on my upcoming trip, so she could resell it herself.
What would you do, bees? I feel offended that she basically demanded I give her the money and am considering just letting her deal with reselling it since I felt she was pretty rude. Am I in the wrong? Maybe I’m overreacting?
Post # 2
If she is willing to do the work of cleaning/selling it I’d tell her to have at it. Less work for you, and if you were going to give her the money anyways, I think its fine. Imagine if you list it too low for a quick sale and she gets mad about how little you got/how she could have sold it for more/etc. I think this avoids many headaches for you!
Post # 3
pufflehuff : Sorry about your divorce.
I think I would be a bit taken aback at her demand as well, I guess in my mind I think it’s a bit insensitive seeing as you’re going through a divorce which I can’t imagine is easy, like her first thought is getting money back? But, to be fair she did pay for it… If it’s not too much of a hassle for your to drag it out to CA with you I’d bring it to her and let her deal with it.
Post # 4
As long as your ok with getting rid of it, I would give it to her to sell. She most likely won’t get what she paid for it though, prob not even half. I’m divorced and I kept my dress to give to my daughter down the line. They also have a place where you can donate them and babies that were born stillborn will be buried in them. They make gowns and outfits out of it. I thought about doing that as well.
Post # 5
jellybellynelly : For sure! That’s a good point. I did tell her that cleaning it may result it being able to get slightly higher for it compared to not cleaning it. I also explained to her that it won’t likely resell for a whole lot anyway, since folks that buy second hand gowns are typically looking for a good deal. It’s also been altered, which lowers the value.
Post # 6
pufflehuff : So if it was altered, just be sure to give her your measurements that it was altered to so she can include that in the post. Not everyone minds that, ex if you’re short and had it hemmed, most shorter people would need hemming anyways. Just have to know what/how it was altered.
If it were me, I’d buy a vacuum bag, shrink the crap out of the dress in the bag and give it to her asap lol.
Post # 7
Let her have it. That way, she can do all the work. There won’t be any tension involved if you end up selling it for $200 and then have to elaborately explain why resale isn’t retail pricing and that that was the price you were able to get from it. She can decide whether or not to put money into cleaning it, and going through all the bother of responding to questions about the listing, finding appropriate places to list it, shipping it out, and YOU no longer have to look at it. Trust me, it is a WAY better idea than you going through the work yourself (painful) and then have her question why you didn’t give her 1700$ back.
I think sometimes parents/parental figures respond really hurtfully to divorce in a way they do not intend. They become emotionally invested too, and sometimes they lose track of what should be important (the wellbeing of their child) and focus on what “they” are missing out on or spent to secure a happy future for you. Once the dust settles, she will realize that she was a bit insensitive, and you will be glad you let her deal with the dress situation.
100% go for it! Trust me, it is a win.
Post # 8
Agree with PPs that this is a win for you! Yeah, it was rude of her to focus on the money rather than on supporting you through your divorce, but this is one less thing for you to deal with, so that’s good.
Post # 9
pufflehuff : If a marriage lasts less than a year, some people think you should return all your wedding gifts. I disagree with this, but it is a rule I have heard others talk about. Is it possible your Aunt is thinking along these lines?
Since you were planning on giving the money to her anyway I would just give it to her to sell. That way she can’t argue with you about the amount she received as a PP said.
Post # 10
While she was pretty aggressive in her approach, since you were already planning on giving her the money I think it’s a bonus that she wants to sell it herself. Way easier on you. She could have softened her approach, but the end result would be the same (her demanding the money vs you voluntarily giving it to her) -AND she’s willing to do the labor. Win-win!
Post # 11
pufflehuff : You’re probably overreacting a tad, but up-front demands like that always make me gag a little. It’s kinda gross, right?
Honestly, take a hot shower, rinse that grossness off and send the dress her way. Her jab is small, but the favor she is offering is huge.
Post # 12
pufflehuff : yep just give it to her, let her deal with all that.
Post # 13
Yeah, her way of asking was kind of scummy, especially since it was supposed to be a gift. That’s like returning an item off your registry and a person saying “oh you should give me the store credit for that!”
But eh, give her the dress and let her deal with having to sell it.
Post # 14
I guess I’m petty, because I wouldn’t give her the dress or the money. If I did give her the dress to sell, I would be very distant for a long time. I would just no longer feel the warm fuzzy family vibes from her. Gifts are meant to be freely given. It was really nice of you to plan on giving her the money from it, but her outright asking for it…I would be very offended, especially since you’re dealing with a divorce. I suppose every relationship is different though and judging from other people’s responses, I’m not on the right side. I do agree that just giving her the dress would be the way to avoid drama.
Post # 15
It’s a gross and unbelievably tacky demand on her part but hand off the dress to her and enjoy not having to deal with selling it or the drama if you don’t get much for it.