"You should sell it and give me the money"

posted 6 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
5962 posts
Bee Keeper

If she is willing to do the work of cleaning/selling it I’d tell her to have at it. Less work for you, and if you were going to give her the money anyways, I think its fine. Imagine if you list it too low for a quick sale and she gets mad about how little you got/how she could have sold it for more/etc. I think this avoids many headaches for you! 

Post # 3
2833 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

pufflehuff :  Sorry about your divorce.

I think I would be a bit taken aback at her demand as well, I guess in my mind I think it’s a bit insensitive seeing as you’re going through a divorce which I can’t imagine is easy, like her first thought is getting money back? But, to be fair she did pay for it… If it’s not too much of a hassle for your to drag it out to CA with you I’d bring it to her and let her deal with it. 

Post # 4
570 posts
Busy bee

As long as your ok with getting rid of it, I would give it to her to sell. She most likely won’t get what she paid for it though, prob not even half. I’m divorced and I kept my dress to give to my daughter down the line. They also have a place where you can donate them and babies that were born stillborn will be buried in them. They make gowns and outfits out of it.  I thought about doing that as well. 

Post # 6
5962 posts
Bee Keeper

pufflehuff :  So if it was altered, just be sure to give her your measurements that it was altered to so she can include that in the post. Not everyone minds that, ex if you’re short and had it hemmed, most shorter people would need hemming anyways. Just have to know what/how it was altered.

If it were me, I’d buy a vacuum bag, shrink the crap out of the dress in the bag and give it to her asap lol.

Post # 7
1034 posts
Bumble bee

Let her have it. That way, she can do all the work. There won’t be any tension involved if you end up selling it for $200 and then have to elaborately explain why resale isn’t retail pricing and that that was the price you were able to get from it. She can decide whether or not to put money into cleaning it, and going through all the bother of responding to questions about the listing, finding appropriate places to list it, shipping it out, and YOU no longer have to look at it. Trust me, it is a WAY better idea than you going through the work yourself (painful) and then have her question why you didn’t give her 1700$ back.

I think sometimes parents/parental figures respond really hurtfully to divorce in a way they do not intend. They become emotionally invested too, and sometimes they lose track of what should be important (the wellbeing of their child) and focus on what “they” are missing out on or spent to secure a happy future for you. Once the dust settles, she will realize that she was a bit insensitive, and you will be glad you let her deal with the dress situation.

100% go for it! Trust me, it is a win.

Post # 8
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Agree with PPs that this is a win for you! Yeah, it was rude of her to focus on the money rather than on supporting you through your divorce, but this is one less thing for you to deal with, so that’s good.

Post # 9
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

pufflehuff :  If a marriage lasts less than a year, some people think you should return all your wedding gifts.  I disagree with this, but it is a rule I have heard others talk about.  Is it possible your Aunt is thinking along these lines? 

Since you were planning on giving the money to her anyway I would just give it to her to sell.  That way she can’t argue with you about the amount she received as a PP said.   

Post # 10
2169 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

While she was pretty aggressive in her approach, since you were already planning on giving her the money I think it’s a bonus that she wants to sell it herself. Way easier on you. She could have softened her approach, but the end result would be the same (her demanding the money vs you voluntarily giving it to her) -AND she’s willing to do the labor. Win-win!

Post # 11
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

pufflehuff :  You’re probably overreacting a tad, but up-front demands like that always make me gag a little. It’s kinda gross, right?

Honestly, take a hot shower, rinse that grossness off and send the dress her way. Her jab is small, but the favor she is offering is huge.

Post # 12
1068 posts
Bumble bee

pufflehuff :  yep just give it to her, let her deal with all that. 

Post # 13
317 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, her way of asking was kind of scummy, especially since it was supposed to be a gift. That’s like returning an item off your registry and a person saying “oh you should give me the store credit for that!” 

But eh, give her the dress and let her deal with having to sell it. 

Post # 14
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I guess I’m petty, because I wouldn’t give her the dress or the money. If I did give her the dress to sell, I would be very distant for a long time. I would just no longer feel the warm fuzzy family vibes from her. Gifts are meant to be freely given. It was really nice of you to plan on giving her the money from it, but her outright asking for it…I would be very offended, especially since you’re dealing with a divorce. I suppose every relationship is different though and judging from other people’s responses, I’m not on the right side. I do agree that just giving her the dress would be the way to avoid drama.

Post # 15
77 posts
Worker bee

It’s a gross and unbelievably tacky demand on her part but hand off the dress to her and enjoy not having to deal with selling it or the drama if you don’t get much for it. 

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