"You should sell it and give me the money"

posted 1 month ago in Weddingbee
Post # 16
6679 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Call me crazy but I don’t see how this is a bad thing? Sure it was kind of an asshole comment to make on her part (because who would be so uncouth as to request a gift essentially be returned?) but at the end of the day if you were planning to sell the dress now you don’t have to deal with the hassle of it!

Post # 17
3604 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think her asking for the the proceeds was any more or less rude than it was of you to suggest she purchase the dress in the first place.  So you’re pretty even Steven there on inappropriate financial talk.  And the fact that she is now asking seems like a pretty good clue that she probably wasn’t originally intending or budgeting to give you an $1800 dress (since contribute monetarily can mean a lot of things and she may have just been planning to cut you a smaller check to use as you please) but could have felt guilted into it after you suggested it.

So I would probably just let it go and give her the dress to do with as she pleases since you intended to give her the money from the sale in the first place.  She can be responsible for how much money she makes back and it’s one less thing for you to do.

Post # 18
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

throughthelookingglass87 :  I’m with you on this one. She wouldn’t be getting the dress or the money. I’d be giving it to charity if someone came at me with that attitude. 

Post # 19
3820 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Give it back with a nice wine stain on it.

Post # 20
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I am surprised by her demand, but I would give her the dress  I believe it can be hard to sell one, so great if she’d rather do it!

If her request is out of character, is it possible that she is having financial difficulties? 

Post # 21
1406 posts
Bumble bee

It’s a bit odd but I’d just do as she has requested. Maybe she is hard up for cash at the moment. 

Post # 22
10848 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

annabananabee :  I didn’t think the OP was rude. It sounds like the aunt offered to contribute money to the wedding, unsolicited. Only then did the OP suggest that the aunt could cover the dress. For all we know the aunt was open about her intended budget.

OP, your aunt’s request was out of line. It would have been one thing for you to offer or insist, but really inappropriate  and insensitive for her to ask.

Post # 23
1322 posts
Bumble bee

I would definitely have been taken aback by her demand, however, everyone looks at divorce in different ways.  And I’m sure she is looking at you moving on before the divorce is finalized and is somehow taking offense to it.  

I would give her the dress and let her handle the sale of it.  

Post # 24
2384 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 1993 - NJ

What’s the big deal? You were going to sell it anyway, and she wouldn’t have made the request if you were not going to get divorced. If you were still happily married and she suggested it, that would be something to get upset about. 

Post # 25
10848 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

If the aunt felt so tapped out by the experience then she doesn’t have to offer to contribute to any future weddings if and when they take place.  

And if the OP canceled the wedding ahead of time she would be obligated to give back gifts. But asking for money back for a wedding and marriage that actually took place is incredibly tacky.

Post # 26
456 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, it’s a little tacky… But it takes the job off your shoulders and makes it her job. Reselling isn’t fun, let her have at it!

Post # 27
267 posts
Helper bee

I actually don’t think the aunt was that out of line to ask for the money back; there is a lot of context here. Everyone seems to have glossed over that the aunt is “basically [her] mom”, so they might well be close enough that it isn’t that weird to ask for money or ask for it back. If this was a regular aunt relationship, then that might be different.

We also know the OP’s wedding was postponed and OP was divorced after less than a year of marriage. This isn’t a fault on the OP, but it may be that the circumstances around the wedding and possibly OP’s relationship changed between 2015, when the aunt offered to pay for the dress, and now (or even between 2015 and when OP got married), such that the aunt would no longer have wanted to pay for the dress but already did/was already committed. Perhaps the aunt no longer supported the wedding. The aunt may also be unhappy with OP’s choice to move on so quickly.

OP, I would have just been up front with her that you planned to give her the money, rather than try to surprise her with it – many people won’t accept a gift of almost $2k anyway. At this point, yes, I would definitely just give her the dress and let her figure out selling it.

Post # 28
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

While her response is a bit strange and off-putting, I’d probably chalk it up to a one-off and not make a big deal out of it. Let her clean and resell the dress and be done with it. It’s just one less thing for you to worry about.

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