(Closed) you WAITED 8.5 years?! FINALLY you're engaged – how to respond to this?!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

ok first of all what people are saying to you is horrible, however i dont think they mean to come off that way. I think they’re trying to poke a little fun but not in a mean spiritted way. But to be completely honest with you… i would feel EXACTLY how your feeling with people saying that. I would be hurt. I think you’re best response should be along the lines of what you told us ‘We did what worked for us, and now we’re living the life we’ve always wanted, debt free and in love. You always wait for the best things” Girlfriend, you dont even owe anyone an explanation though! Try and put those mean comments behind you, look at your sparkly ring and smile!

Post # 3
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee

No. You are not being overly sensitive. Those comments are, in fact, insensitive. My sense of it is that people are joking or kind of giving him some good-natured “grief” over how long he waited, but that it is no reflection on you. As for the “part of the family” comment, I think your soon-to-be sister-in-law meant officially (as in legally). But to have these sentiments be at the center of your engagement excitement is disappointing, to say the least. If I were you, I’d take comfort in the fact that you guys really DO have your ducks in a row. You’re in a great spot both financially and emotionally. Let everyone have a little laugh, if they want. Sounds like you guys will have the last laugh with very little debt and likely the wedding of your dreams. Focus on the good…not the bs!

Post # 4
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

You want my honest opinion I think it’s just something people say when they hear 8 years or 10 years it’s not a personal attack. I dated my former Fiance for 6 years before he proposed and I got the same reaction except I didn’t take it personally because I knew they didn’t mean anything by it.

 

Post # 5
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would try to come up with something nice to say back to shows how happy you are.  Something along the lines of, “I’m so glad we got to spend our early 20s as a couple and really get to know eachother, complete our education, and get settled in a home that we love.  The timing was right for both of us and I couldn’t be happier!”

Yes, people’s comments are rude.  Rise above them and you “win” ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We were together 6.5 years when we got engaged and got the odd comment about “finally!”. 

I’m a bit of a bitch at times so I acted stupid and made them fully explain until it got awkward, then asked if there was a time limit on getting engaged. Tended to end the conversation pretty quickly. 

Post # 7
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Our relationship was exactly the same but we got engaged/married a year earlier than you. Started dating when I was 17, engaged at 7 years, married at 8 years together. I got the same comments all the time. It was annoying (especially the ‘part of the family’ bit… I’d been around longer than any of his sisters-in-law before getting married so I don’t know how they were ‘considered family’ after 2 years but I couldn’t be considered family until 8 years in… because we weren’t officially married. But I guess they just mean ‘legally’, whatever).

I just rolled my eyes when people made these comments because while I don’t think they were intentionally being rude, they were rude just the same. So I’d answer back with “Well, we’ve known for years that we wanted to get married but we wanted to be responsible about planning our future. We enjoyed the dating stage so it really wasn’t a big deal to us. Whether we were dating or married, we are still together and that’s what’s important”. That really shut up a few of our friends who got married when they were 21…. Not that I was trying to be rude in return but it put it in perspective  for them that we didn’t have to rush to marriage when we were young and had no money saved or our careers weren’t established yet just because we wanted to be together.

Post # 8
Member
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Enoch Turner Schoolhouse

It will be our 10th anniversary (dating) when we get married this March 2016 – so I’ve heard enough of those comments!  BUT I’ve been too happy to care – and exactly like you – we waited because it worked for us financially, and dated during college, and now we have a house and have lived together for 2 years and STILL loving it.  So we knew it was time ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Most of the time I reply with, “Finally right?!  About damn time!” LOL

 

Post # 9
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
rendezvous89:  hahaha I’m a bit of a bitch too. I wish I had done this

Post # 10
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Fiance and I dated for 7 years (I’m about to turn 27) and I have gotten some, but not a lot of these comments. We just got engaged in june We don’t live near our families so I think that diffused some of the “good natured” jokes and comments. Our best friends from college who have been dating a year longer than us only got engaged last year, so we are on the same timeline and our group of friends is understanding. Whenever I do get the stray comment about how long we were dating I directly point out that we started dating when I was 19 years old. We have had to work on our relationship and navigate the path to adulthood at the same time–so yeah, it took a little longer. For most people, when I drop the magic words “19 years old,” that’s the end of the discussion. Some people just need perspective. But yes, it’s totally rude and offensive. Sorry you’re going through this. Don’t let it put a damper on your joy, though. Even though it’s rude, most people just honestly don’t understand. They hear “7,8,9 years” and they are imagining in their heads that you have been an adult the whole time.

Post # 11
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

You and your Fiance were quite young when you started dating & planned where you wanted to be now, so just smile and say ‘thank you’ or ‘this was the perfect timing for us’. That way if their comment was innocent and well intended, you’ve received it as such- and for the minority who are trying to get under your skin, your happy smile and gracious comment will have deprived them of the pleasure of getting to you, win-win situation ๐Ÿ™‚ Congrats! 

Post # 12
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

As someone who got engaged 8 years after we started dating I got all of the “took long enough,” “about damn time,” “so he finally took a crap huh?,” etc, etc, etc.

I also got pushed out of a family photo at a wedding because H’s (then BF) cousin said that I wasn’t ‘officialy’ part of the family.  I may not be legally official but at that time we had been together 5 years while the cousin and his Fiance had only been together a year.  I guess a ring makes you more official huh?!  F you! *sorry that was kind of directed at his cousin*

It got old really fast.  I basically ignored it or if I was in one of those moods where it got to me I would give them a really fake laugh and say “oh, I haven’t heard that one before” and roll my eyes.

Post # 13
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2016 - His Parents farm

View original reply
futuremrscrow:  No. I’d be so mad I’d want to cry. People try so hard to think of something to say or to be funny and I think it’s awful. You and your fiancé made wonderful choices. So happy for you both. Maybe it will help to think you’ll be married your whole life,  and I bet most of them won’t. You seem from the good choices that you have made,  to have what it takes to be true partners. A lot of people don’t. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by raechelr.
Post # 14
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I had my fair share of these comments.  We have only been together just over 4 years, but we started dating at 25. Many, many friends who started dating after us are married already. Everyone down to my grandma said “finally” which is irritating. There’s not much you can do about it. I knew it was coming becuase we’ve been living together for 3.5 years and people couldn’t understand why we weren’t married yet (we’ve had a crazy ride career-wise and things have just settled down) But frankly it made me sad because it seems like a backhanded congratulations, even if thats not the intention.

On the other hand, everyone is probably just saying “finally!” because you two have always been perfect for each other ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 15
Member
27 posts
Newbee

I started dating my Fiance in high school as well and had to put up with many comment like this – especially the 7.5 years! Blah blah blah

I wasn’t waiting for sh*t, I was too busy enjoying life with the man of my dreams.

We got puppy, bought a house, graduated from HS and college,  traveled all over the US, experienced the death of close family members, and the joy of watching our extended fanily grow and change TOGETHER. 

I wasn’t waiting. I was living.

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