(Closed) you WAITED 8.5 years?! FINALLY you're engaged – how to respond to this?!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

I hate the term “waiting”  – I guess fine, if you have already had a discussion and decided jointly that you are getting engaged and now you are just waiting for a proposal, maybe. I was with my husband for 8 years before getting engaged. at no point was I “waiting” that makes it sound so pathetic, like from the moment we met I was just hoping he would break down and marry me because thats all that is important in life.

I lived a wonderful life for 8 years with a guy I love and was not engaged to. I did not spend 8 years waiting for him to propose as if that proves anything. I know this site is about weddings and being excited for them, so some people will disagree with me. I also know those comments are usually not meant to be insulting, but people are just kind of ignorant about how it sounds. Similar to when people say “that ring is huge, he must really love you” like yeah, he really does, and it has nothing to do with how expensive my ring was by the way, so wtf?

Post # 47
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

My Fiance and I just got engaged this past June after being together 7 years and I have had a barrage of the same comments… It’s really annoying and I just try to ignore them. My mother was hospitalized for 2 of the 7 years with severe illnesses and the last thing I could think about was getting engaged and even during my mother’s hospitalization I would have people say “why aren’t you engaged yet?” “do you not want to get married?” “when is the wedding happening?” Fiance and I are finally able to support ourselves financially and so we decided it was a good time to get engaged. I think people just lack common courtesy and manners nowadays and I’ve come to the conclusion that there will always be people like that in your life. You gotta do what’s best for you and if you are happy than that’s what matters.

Post # 48
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2016

We’ve been together 6 and just got engaged SAME THING! “FINALLY”. I want to say STFU. We now have a house, established lives and are ready financially to settle down. It wasn’t because we ‘weren’t sure until now’ or ‘couldn’t commit’ it’s because we wanted a wedding that we could afford, in a place we could enjoy and have less stress!!! 

Post # 49
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive about the comments. It often bothers me when I see or hear comments like this towards others. Quite frankly it is none of their business as to how long you dated before becoming engaged. Whatever the case, don’t let these people steal your joy! Enjoy your happy moment and ignore their insensitive comments. 

Post # 50
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

If you are truly fine with it, it ought not to bother you what others say.

I mean, if you weren’t getting the “finally” remarks, you’d be getting the “what’s the rush?” remarks (no one, in my experience, tells someone they waited “just right” a la Goldilocks).

Whether they are teasing, or being serious, it’s really not about you….it is about them and their own expectations, beliefs, feelings, and so on. So….so what? I don’t think you need to “explain yourself” or even retort.

Besides, I find people usually feel far more “on the spot” when you just respond with silence (rather than snippy comments) and they have to sit with what they said just out there in the open like that… 

Post # 51
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Not gonna lie 8 1/2 years is a long time even being young at the beginning so i can  sorta see where the comments are coming from. .I think you’re sensitive how long it took him.  I would just smile and not say anything.

Post # 52
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
futuremrscrow:  can I just say how similar your situation is to mine and thank you for putting it so clearly into perspective for me, as I am still waiting after 8.5 years? 

 

Please keep your head up and let me know how your planning progresses. I’m thrilled for your and know there may be light at the end of the tunnel for me.

 

Thanks 

Post # 53
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

well i would say i was so lucky that i don’t have to go look for a new guy every couple years. now at  28, finished school, has a house, financial stable, for us this is a right time to start our dream family. for someone 8.5 years is too long but for me its just a perfect 8.5 years.

Post # 54
Member
11373 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Not every question deserves an answer.  I would just smile smugly & say “We’re very happy”.

Post # 55
Member
49 posts
Newbee

We had been together  6 years when we got engaged (lived together for 3, owned our home together etc.) We got some ‘finally’ comments but I wasn’t offended at all. We usually just responded with “yep, we had to be sure we could put up with each other forever!”. People close to us know we will do whatever we want, tradition be damned… and I don’t care what the other people think.

If you get engaged young people say its too soon, if you wait a while they say its too long. People will always find something snarky to say. Please don’t let it get to you!

Post # 56
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

I just used to respond with “I know right!” And nudge fi. We don’t take anything anyone says to heart. 

Post # 57
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that you’re being too sensitive. Just shrug it off and smile. And coming from someone who waited 7 years to get engaged to my DH, and 6 to my ex, 8 years is a long time to wait so comments will be made. This is a perfect time to develop a thick skin. Congrats on your engagement.

Post # 58
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
SoonMrsCrocker2:  I think you’re sensitive how long it took him

Lol, gotta love comments like that. Doesn’t anyone ever think gee, maybe it’s not just the guy who wanted to wait? That it could ever possibly be both people in the relationship agreeing on the timeline? Or *gasp* that the woman was the one wanting to wait?

If it were up to my husband we would’ve been married 3 years ago and already have children. Instead, I explained the timeline I was thinking of and we came to a mutual decision on when we would get married (once I got a more stable job and were more financially stable).

Post # 59
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
futuremrscrow:  I think you are being a little sensitive but I completely understand where you are coming from.  My hubby and I also dated for 8.5 years before he proposed.  I did have some of those funny remarks but I just ignored them.  Now that we are married people can see why it took us so long.  I think in the end they are just trying to be funny.  Just ignore them and happy wedding planning to you!

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