(Closed) you WAITED 8.5 years?! FINALLY you're engaged – how to respond to this?!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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futuremrscrow:  

And that’s what’s so annoying about these “you waited that long!” comments! People automatically assume that for 8.5 years you’ve been desperately pining for your man to grant you lucky enough to finally become his wife…. Like that has been your only goal in life for 8 years but you had to sit back silently while your man contemplated for 8 long years whether or not he really wanted to be with you the rest of his life… That he spent the entire 8.5 years debating back and forth if you were worthy of becoming his wife.

Please.

Maybe we are being ‘overly sensitive’ to the comments and I’m sure people aren’t saying it to be intentionally rude or insulting but it does carry a negative connotation and I wish people could be more aware of what they say to people. Should we just get over it, laugh and move on? Sure. But should people realize their words can be hurtful, insulting, and annoying too? Yes. 

Post # 62
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

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SoonAsYouCan:  Completely agree.  Yes it took H and I 8 years to get engaged but never in that time was I tapping my toe or “waiting” for him to pop the question.  Instead we lived our lives, had a blast being together, making a home together, vacations, holidays, etc, etc.  Just because it takes a couple a while to get engaged doesn’t necessarily mean that one or the other is “waiting”, it could just mean that they were living their lives and not letting outside pressures force them into something.

Post # 63
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Futuremrscrow:  funny, just 2 weeks ago you posted : ” I waited over 8 years for my fiance to propose” in this thread!:

Any advice on how not to lose your mind waiting??

As I previously told you, try not to allow your sensitivity to how long it took him, to be angry with thoughtless comments from others about length of time. Most people don’t have a frame of reference as they didn’t have to wait many years and don’t realize how uncomfortable hurtful that can be. Congrats on your engagement.

Post # 64
Member
2171 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, you are being too sensitive to this. Yes, they are being too insensitive too. This is only the beginning of a lot of people giving you their opinion on how you should live your life and the choices you should make….the wedding planning, career, children, etc. You will need to develop a thicker skin to get through it all. Should they also be more sensitive? yes of course! But you can’t change them, you only have control to how you react to things in life. 

CONGRATULATIONS!

Post # 65
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think your being overly sensitive to be honest. And I’m not sure you realised it but the way you said your sister is already married seem far more judgemental.

When people say finally it means they are excited and happy for you, I got a finally comment after getting engaged after 2 years. 

Post # 66
Member
3343 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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futuremrscrow:  

It would suck waiting that long and hearing others comment about it would suck too. You’re getting married, that’s whats important.

Post # 67
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

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futuremrscrow:  wow. I would feel exactly how you feel. That’s so rude!!! But listen, there are always going to be that hand full of numb nuts that don’t know how to keep their mouth shut. There’s always THAT guy. In your case, several of them. I jut got married September 5th and went through the same shit when we got engaged June 2015 and it pissed me off. It was our five year anniversary and the best day of my life and people would say the same comments, but listened to this: I was twenty-fucking-one when I got engaged!!!! How can people talk shit about how long it took him when I JUST turned the legal drinking age??? Anyways, I’m sorrybyou have to put up with tose comments. It’ll fade soon enough 🙁 

 

Post # 68
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I’m on the fence. As far as your Future Sister-In-Law is concerned, My brother and his girlfriend have been dating 7 years (she was 17, he was 18). It’s probably going to be at least a year or two before they get engaged. 

We 100% consider this girl apart of our family. She takes trips with us, calls my grandparents “grandma and grandpa”, we regularly tell her she’s one of us now… but she’s not OFFICIALLY, my brother could still mess it up (we have warned him we will keep her if he does)

whenever they do get engaged (because they can afford it, etc) I will say to them FINALLY!!!! Not because they waited too long (they didnt, frankly they could wait another few years for all I care) but because I want to be able to introduce this fabulous girl as my sister in law and plan holidays with her and have them popping out nieces and nephews for me.

I’ll be saying “ITS ABOUT DAMNED TIME” because I have NO SAY in their life plans, but I want it to happen SO badly that i’m almost as excited as they are, because in a perfect world where 25 year olds have real money, theyd be married already.

 

BUT, if people are saying to you “they would never wait that long” thats rude… though they’re probably ignorant and if you say “well we were 17 when we started dating” they’ll say “oh, that makes more sense”… because seriously that makes perfect sense to anyone with a brain.

People are just excited and/or jealous and/or don’t know your story. Just smile politely and answer with grace and know you have made the best decision for you and your Fiance

ps: congratulations 🙂 

Post # 69
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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futuremrscrow:  Well being with someone for 8.5 years surely must have brought on comments about that while you were dating, like ‘sooo, when is he going to make you an honest woman?……yada yada”, how did you handle that? You’re taking the comments that his family made way too sensitively. His sister is his younger sister making jabs at her older brother – isn’t that normal? And I think it’s actually very nice that his family said that you will ‘officially’ be part of the family. I see that as a compliment.

Post # 70
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I feel like it depends on who says the comments and whatever surrounds it. I had pretty much the same timeline. Lived together after 5 years, bought a house together after 7 years, engaged at 26/27 after 8.5 years together…

I had the “finally” and “about time” comments from family but never took those comments as offensive. I took them as they knew we were going to be together forever so it was inevitable that we were going to get married and so we “finally” made it official when we were ready. I was already considered part of the family for the most part. The comments I had were from younger cousins who were like 4 when I first met them, so I’d been around for most of their lives. Or from an uncle who is a known joker but has the best intentions. We just laughed off the comments, we weren’t offended by it.

I think if someone had said stuff like “Finally! I could never WAIT that long” then I’d side-eye that, or “Finally! He took THAT long to decide” then I’d be offended. Also depends on the tone, but a huge part is who said it and the relationship with that person.

Post # 71
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee

We got the same comments for having a two year engagement. The ” are you REALLY serious about getting married if you’re going to be engaged that long. The hardest part of any wedding is the people. Even the well-intentioned ones.

Post # 72
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We got plenty of those comments. Sticks and stones girl, everything doesn’t need a response. I literally just ignored them. They would say “Wow took long enough!” and I would just sit there and stare with a blank look on my face. It got the point across lol.

Post # 73
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I get the same comments all the time and it drives me crazy. Between my Future Mother-In-Law saying “yea it’s about time they get married” to literally everyone and my FI’s other family member who once told me I was crazy for waiting this long for the ring and we must not be sure if we want to be together since we can’t make the commitment (yep, that’s gotta be the reason!) We started dating when I was 15 and will be together for 8 years in a couple months. I just graduated college last year, we bought a house two years ago. We have wanted this for so long. Sorry we wanted to get our lives established first! I don’t even bother explaining to people why we waited anymore, I just say we are excited all the time because we are and no one should take that away from you with stupid comments!!

Post # 74
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

People are stupid and say ignorant things.  A friend of mine got married after 7 years, so engaged after almost 6 years, and even her SIL kept saying “we didn’t think it was ever gonna happen”.  My friend laughed it off but couldn’t understand why her ILs kept saying this to her, I mean duh you don’t say that to a bride to be!  At least your FI’s sister said that they will be happy to call you Mrs. ___, some families don’t even show that they are happy and wouldn’t consider you family anyway, so it’s nice that they will even if you thought you were family anyway this way it’s official right?

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