(Closed) You waited HOW long before getting engaged?

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: How long were you dating before you got engaged? Are you happy with your decision?
    Dating : (6 votes)
    2 %
    Dating : (7 votes)
    2 %
    Dating 1-3 years before the engagment, wish we had waited longer : (5 votes)
    2 %
    Dating 1-3 years before the engagment, couldn't be happier! : (120 votes)
    38 %
    Dating 3-5 years before the engagment, wish we had waited longer : (1 votes)
    0 %
    Dating 3-5 years before the engagment, couldn't be happier! : (71 votes)
    22 %
    Dating 5+ years before the engagment, wish we had waited longer : (3 votes)
    1 %
    Dating 5+ years before the engagment, couldn't be happier! : (106 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 47
    Hostess
    326 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @chickspartan:  I hope you do too! But that depends if you are fiery like my husband and I can be lol!

    Post # 48
    Member
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    PS, to be honest, the “giant hoopla” as you called it seems weirder to me when people have been together for like 1-2 years only.  It’s like, “you’re professing true love and a lifetime committment FOREVER while you’re still in the honeymoon phase!  WTF!”  

    But obviously I have a slightly screwy sense of how the timing should go, compared to most people  😉

    Post # 49
    Member
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @chickspartan: We wre 19 and 20 when we started dating, and knew within a year we would be getting married. But I wasn’t interested in being a 20 year old bride. I was in the middle of my degree, and he was just starting out at his company and it seemed like a silly time. We waited till we could afford the life we want (We own a home, we’re both settled into our jobs, I have my degree) till we decided to get married. We’re very happy where we are in life, and I’m glad I got to do it with him as my common law husband (in Alberta, after living together for a year you’re common-law), and I’m excited to move into this next stage with him as my husband. 

    I’m really glad I didn’t plan the wedding I wanted at 20 as well! 😉

    Post # 50
    Member
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @li612:  we got engaged at 7 years 3 months as well! Fiance was secure and established in his career, but I’m back in grad school…but it works out for the timing of the wedding!

    Post # 51
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Fiance and I will have been dating for nine years when we get married, six and a half before we got engaged.  But the first two years were like … you know, early high school, not really serious or anything so that’s something to take into account.  We also won’t be living together except for eight months before the wedding, so I think the shine won’t have time to wear off quite yet; we’re stoked to move in together soon but we are looking even more forward to the wedding.

    I think I understand how your friend feels.  If we lived together for ten years without engagement/marriage I’d a) be livid because that’s just not what I wanted at all and b) feel like a lower-key wedding would be better for us and our friends/family.

    Post # 52
    Member
    1597 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @chickspartan:  For us, it was one of those instances where “life” kept getting thrown in our way.

    We started dating in April 2008. I was 23, he was 24. Within a few weeks, we started talking about getting an apartment together (we were both stuck living at home).

    But we quickly realized that even though we were in love, this would be a dumb decision. So we decided to wait until the new year.

    Well, before the new year could arrive, my (now) husband’s father passed away very suddenly (hear attack, coma, taken off life support). It was an AWFUL couple of weeks. My husband has no family except his parents, and his mother (who also has health problems, was (and still is) a total wreck. She could barely function. So he had to help out there.

    Then about a year later, in November 2009, when we were starting to talk about getting our own place again, my husband lost his job.

    It took him 6 months to find a new job, and another 6 months to find something that wasn’t dangerous/didn’t make him miserable. But he still wasn’t making good enough money for us to have our own place.

    So that brings us to fall/winter 2010. My mom, a dialysis patient, contracts a serious infection that turns into a string of complications. She ends up being in the hospital, then a rehabilitation clinic for 4 months. She almost died 3 times. I couldn’t even THINK about my own life during this time. And she needed A LOT of help when she got back home, so my priorities were put on hold.

    We got engaged in January 2011, even though we hadn’t lived together yet, which we said we wanted to before getting engaged.

    But I am glad we got engaged when we did. We knew it would be a long engagement, because we still needed a house or apartment, and we both needed to get new jobs.

    So my husband got a new job that summer (his current job), and I got a new job in the summer of 2012. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out, and I found myself unemployed from September – November of that year.

    We FINALLY bought a house in April 2013 and were married this past September.

    We got a lot of flack and a lot of judgement over the years because it had taken us “so long” to get engaged and “so long” to get married.

    We actually lost a few friends over it because they were being REALLY judgemental and critical about how we handled all of the adversity thrown in our way.

    But looking back, it worked out for the better. Had we gotten that apartment back in 2008 (or 2009 or 2010 or 2011), we would have NEVER had enough money to buy a house or pay for a wedding. And we’d have had to deal with the stress of having our own place while dealing with death, illness, and job loss.

    It was rough while it was happeneing, but everything did happen for a reason.

    That’s our story, anyway.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1979 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Engaged just before our 3 year anniversary, we will be together 4.5 years by the time we finally get married.  I wish we got engaged a bit sooner (I was frustrated with waiting), and that our engagement was shorter (but my sister is getting married the same year and didn’t want them to be too close). 

    Post # 54
    Member
    1936 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Engaged at 1 1/2 years, we will be married at 2 years and some change…

    Post # 55
    Member
    1130 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    We got engaged at the 3 1/2 year mark. When we get married we will have been together for over 5 years!

    My mom always used to tell me “if you’re dating for 2 years and there’s still no ring, it’s never going to happen”. Alright Mom.

    Post # 56
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    MY SO and I will have been together 8 months when we get engaged. And together just over 2 years when we get married. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    We got enagaged at 7 years 10 month mark and will be married at the 8 years 10 month mark. We were hella young when we met me 16 him 19 we needed to grow up. We weren’t looking for the one really we just clicked but when your young and fall hard and fast you just want to make sure before you make a huge mistake. I rather it no other way we dealt with all of our problems before taking that huge step and when we found a system that worked for us then we discussed future seriously. It worked for us and we neede to get on our feet more because it doesn’t make sense getting married if you cant support yaself. The timign was perfect for us even tho we heard the “so are you guy going to finally do it” speech too many times.

    Post # 58
    Member
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    We dated for just over 9 years before getting engaged, but we started dating really young. I was 12 and he was 13 when we started dating, we are both 22 now, and we will be 23 and 24 when we get married. Were getting married a month after our 11 year dating anniversary! 

    Post # 59
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Our three year anniversary was on October 18th and he proposed on Novemeber 7th. It was worth the wait and even though I grew so impatient, maybe even annoying, Mr. Duck stuck it out. All good things are worth waiting for and I couldn’t, no wouldn’t have it any other way. 

    Post # 60
    Member
    1649 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    Married after ~6 yrs. Marriage was never a goal for us. We def could’ve dated longer!

    Post # 61
    Member
    4028 posts
    Honey bee

    @lolot:  +1

    @chickspartan:  We dated for 9 years before getting engaged and got married just before our 10 year mark. We got married at 25 and 27. 

    We have NO regrets about it. Our wedding day was very exciting, special and just as important as any other couple getting married. 

    We decided to wait a while for good reasons.

    1) We started dating at 15 and 17.

    2) We wanted to complete our college degrees, be financially and emotionally stable and have good jobs/careers. 

    3) We wanted to get married in our mid-20’s for a variety of reasons. Mostly related to maturity and assurance we would grow together, rather than apart.

    I honestly don’t think you can truly wait too long if both people are on the same page about the relationship. I never felt like I was “waiting” until about 3 months before he proposed. At that point, we discussed marriage being in the near future, I was giddy for a proposal. 

    Now, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend waiting 10 years before getting married, but I feel more confident in longer relationships (where the decision to wait is mutual) than couples that rush into marriage. 

    On my wedding day, I knew my husband very well. There was not a single doubt in my mind or heart from the moment he proposed to the second I said “I do.”

    And now for an appropriate quote 🙂

    “The longer you have to wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when it finally arrives. The harder you have to fight for something, the more priceless it will become once you achieve it. And the more pain you have to endure on your journey, the sweeter the arrival at your destination. All good things are worth waiting for and worth fighting for.”

     –Susan Gale

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