Post # 1
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
Ok Bees,
I am needing some advice on how to handle this situation.
Backkground: We are having a very small intimate wedding of immediate family only. 10 people. The reason for this is because my FI’s family is from Indiana and basically noone could travel for the wedding and I have a huge family..so to compromise we decided just parents and siblings only which is 5 people each. That way The most important people are there and each side has the same amount of family. This was a hard decision because I am very close with my family, and friends but they totally understood. Here comes the problem: My Fiance sister. She lives in IL with her husband,two children,and live in nanny. She is a stay at home mom, and Goes through nannies like they are water. I don’t understand the need for a live in nanny,but they can and so they do. That’s not my issue..My issue is she just assumes The nanny will be coming to the wedding and the reception. Her husband contacted us last night and asked if we would have room at our home for 3 adults and 2 children, on top of his parents staying. His parents are retired and low on funds so OF COURSE they should stay with us but I have told my Fiance NO on them staying! I am putting my foot down. I said that if they must bring her then they need to stay in a hotel and That’s where she will be for the day. I do not want a stranger from who knows where ( she gets them offline) attending the wedding and reception and heaven forbid be in our pictures for life….I told My Fiance that if we wanted anyone else attending it surely wouldn’t be a nanny, It would be either an additional family memeber or close friend. Am i wrong by saying this? Or feeling this way? I mean can she not handle her two children for just one day?? Everyone including Us the bride and groom are making sacrifices for this wedding..can’t she make this sacrifice for us this one time?? My problem is I don’t want to be labeled the bad person in this. I have only met his family maybe 4 times. I def don’t want to be labeled as non compassionate or not understanding…but I just can’t reason her having this stranger at our home and wedding. This will be the 4th nanny in a years span. Please let me know your honest opinion on this topic. Thank you for listening !!!
Post # 3
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
Considering you are only having 10 people at your wedding I think you are totally in the right. It’s ridiculous to have such an intimate affair and then a random stranger present. I think your fiance needs to talk to his famiy and make it very clear what will be happening. I think if they want to bring the nanny she can stay at a hotel and then if they get tired of dealing with their kids throughout the day the nanny can stay with them at the hotel or be with them around town or whatever.
Post # 4
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee
I agree with you. With your guest list so small and intimate, it seems like IF you decided to have one more person, it should be a family member or a close friend. A family’s nanny is just ridiculous in my option…
Post # 6
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I agree with the others. Your Fiance should probably tell her, rather than you. I think he can just say “We are having a very intimate, family-only wedding – we are really looking forward to celebrating with you and Husband and Kids.” If they can’t do that, they could always leave the kids behind with the nanny. (If they don’t get the picture, I think you can explicitly say NO STRANGERS ALLOWED!)
Post # 7
Member
1397 posts
Bumble bee
Let your Fiance talk this over with them. The nanny, whether she’s been working for them for one year or one week, SHOULDN’T be there. Why would they need a nanny for the kids, anyway, if they’ll both be there? HOW WEIRD! If they don’t feel like watching their own kids, the nanny should stay with them… at the hotel.
Again, let Fiance handle this… perhaps a bit more tactfully than I just stated it haha.
Post # 8
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
Thank You ladies, I forgot to mention that the Reception will be at our home we share. That’s also another reason why I didn’t want them to stay here if they have to bring their nanny. I agree Lanalnoco It is weird, and I just don’t understand the nanny thing all together but It’s not my place ya know. Thank you all again because i was starting to feel like i was being insensitive, but the voice in my head is screaming NOOO!!! LOL I will def just let him say something, but if they still don’t get it after he talks with them, that when I will step in and politely say No means No..Like Lolot just said No Strangers Allowed 🙂
Post # 9
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
@lolot: I should get a big Yellow Sign Made…No Strangers Allowed LOL Put it outside in our grass .
Post # 10
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
@Cantstartafire1: You could make it out of reclaimed pallets like they do on Pinterest!!
For the record, I think you’re totally in the right here. That whole situation is a little weird…but I don’t think you’re being insensitive at all.
Post # 11
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
That is ridiculous. You are 100% correct! I’d get Fiance to handle it though. Does he agree or at least see your point?
Post # 12
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
Your FI’s sister is ridiculous. WHY do they even need to bring the nanny, if they’re there? Are they really that lazy or disinterested in their children?
There’s no way I would have a random stranger (who will probably soon be replaced by nanny #5) in all my wedding photos. And how would your family/friends feel if they heard about that too? I hope your Fiance puts his foot down when he talks to her.
Post # 13
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
@RedWine13: Yes He understands, but when it comes to handling situations in his family, he doesn’t like to rock the boat because he only gets to see them 2 times a year. I understand that as well, but this is Our wedding, not just a holiday visit. So hopefully he will take care of this sooner rather than later, Ive been telling him how i felt since day one, and he still hasn’t said anything. I told him the other night after they called that He needed to handle this. His sister can be lets just say a bit dramatic about Everything LOL and I know that’s why he hasn’t had the talk yet. But I don’t want him to wait till weeks before the wedding, and the news is still so fresh that the wedding becomes about Her and Her emotions..and Not about us.
Post # 14
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I think you are 100% right. It would be totally awkward to have the nanny at your wedding. However, I do have to say, I’m worried about how she will handle the kids when she’s used to having full time help! I hope the kids are more well behaved than her parenting choices suggest.
Post # 15
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
@everyheart: Exactly How I feel too! I don’t get it or understand it. Why have a nanny if you are a stay at home mom, and one goes to school and the other is 2. so basically you are at home with a 2 yr old all day. I try not to judge but I just really don’t understand it, but I don’t feel their excessive need for this should have anything to do with our wedding. It’s their decision to have her as the nanny but it is our decision not to invite her to the wedding. Hopefully His sister doesn’t pitch a BF! ( if youve seen White Girls You know what BF stands for) lol. She wants what she wants when she wants it and doesn’t like the word NO! I can for see the future and hear the conversation..She is for the children blah blah..
Post # 16
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
@MexiPino: If she can’t I know my mother will step in. 🙂
