(Closed) "You want to give up your life for an infant??"

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
4582 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry, that was an insensitive thing for her to say.

I actually have the opposite problem. Our family doesn’t seem to understand that I *don’t* feel fully ready for kids and they’re always asking when it will happen. We’re actually just starting to TTC but most of the family doesn’t actually know that. I don’t want to deal with “Are you pregnant yet!?!” every month.

Post # 4
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow that so rude of her!!

We didn’t tell anyone we were TTC, so we didn’t get any reactions to our plans.

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I would actually say this to her: “Your mom, our mom, “gave up” her life for us. Do you not feel grateful that she did that?”

Post # 6
Hostess
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Some people are so narrow-minded and think that everyone should have the same mindset that they do. I assume that she is younger than you are? That sounds like a very immature thing to say. 

What you do is yours and your hubby’s business. It’s very rude of her to say indeed, and it could have been worded MUCH differently. It sounds like she wanted to seem like she was just worried for you and making sure that you don’t become unhappy, but it came out incredibly rude. 

Try talking to her. But from now on, this is your guys’ business…no one else’s.

Congrats and good luck hon! 

Post # 7
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m going to chime in from somewhere near your sister’s point of view. I’m 23, and at this stage of my life, I consider having children to be one small step above a life sentence. I have so much going on that having children seems like the stupidest, most awful thing I could possibly do with my life.

Give me 5-10 years, and I’ll probably start thinking differently.

I’m not saying that she wasn’t tactless, just trying to show you that you’re probably right about the life-stages being different. I would just shrug it off. Once you’re pregnant she’ll probably get excited to be an aunt 🙂

Post # 8
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ve had friends my own age (early 30s) tell me not to have a baby yet because they we’ll never go out and be no fun. They did not know anything about our TTC plans or anything, but I think it’s pretty rude. Doesn’t phase me, really, though, because they are just a little behind us in life stages so to them, having a baby wouldn’t be great right now.

Post # 9
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

How old is she?

I was 19 when I became an aunt and while I wasn’t excited, I never questioned my sister on having a child. I knew I was at a different life stage. Now, after her daughter was born I did make comments of “see, this is why I’m not having kids” and “glad I can return it when I’m done”. She never took offense to it (to my knowledge – we are a pretty expressive group and will tell each other when we have issues), just knew I was a lot younger and not in that point in my life.

Now, DH’s sister is 20 and I think was more excited to become an aunt then we were parents (when we told them – we were still ‘adjusting’ to the idea).

I’m guessing she’s younger and just not there, but you can tell her how you feel if your open to it. Otherwise, brush it off and I bet she will still be excited once that baby comes.

Post # 10
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Meh, like you said, she’s just not at the same life stage as you.  When I mentioned to my little sister that we wanted to another child, she told me to “slow down on breeding.”  🙂  She doesn’t really get the appeal of babies/children, and I try not to hold that against her.

In other news, congrats on starting TTC!   

Post # 11
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I totally get this. I’m not TTC yet but have total baby fever. Whenever I express even an interest in having a baby, or if someone asks when we think we might have one… the reaction from my sister and lots of my friends is always “omg, why would you want one now?? WAIT, WAIT!!!” As if it is the worst thing in the world. But honestly, they’re all at very different stages in their lives… even my girlfriends who are my age are so far away from thinking of having kids, that it just seems totally crazy to them. So I get it. But yah, I wish people wouldn’t react like that all the time, because it begins to make me question if I SHOULD be thinking of ttc now or if I should put it off, like they’re all screaming at me to do! Ugh, people should just stay quiet, seriously!

Post # 12
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@rubyred605:  In my head, I was thinking, “Yes, sister who is at a completely different stage in life, yes I do.”

You nailed it. You’re in completely different life stages. I have a hard time not questioning my friends who are poppin out little ones back-to-back and they have a hard time not questioning why I’m not. I hope your sister learns to have a little more tact and be more accepting of others’ choices, and she may be able to fake it til she makes it, but she probably just won’t understand your mindset until if/when she decides she wants kids herself. I’m sure she will love that baby when you have one, though!

Post # 13
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think it would be “giving up your life” anyways…it’s about having a family…a change in life not giving up life. Sry you had to hear that, it’s pretty rude. Like a pp, I am a very private person with my family, so I probably won’t tell them until like, 4 months in or until I can’t hide it any longer. But that’s just becaue I know I would get these kind of comments and they would just eat away at me.

Post # 15
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i seriously dont know where her comment is coming from. I would think alot of moms would say that their life become more fulfilled than ever when they had children. 

I would chalk it up to the fact that she is at a different stage in life. 

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