(Closed) You were my bridesmaid now I HAVE to be yours?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

No

Post # 4
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

no. you choose your own bridesmaids and she  chooses hers…

Post # 6
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Choose who you want. I don’t think there is any rule saying you have to have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man just because she asked you. People choose their bridal party for all kinds of different reasons. 

Post # 7
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Actually no.  In fact one of my BMs just got enagaged and I’m trying to think of a way to let her know that if she doesn’t pick me I won’t be offended.  I think she has lots of other girlfriends from back home she’d rather pick and don’t want her to feel obligated just because I picked her!  Any suggestions?  

Post # 8
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@soontobemrsnapoleon:  Wow. I thought this worked the other way around. I thought if they put you in theirs, then they’d EXPECT to be put in yours.

Post # 9
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I personally think it’s tacky to approach someone and say you’ll be in their wedding party. You’re setting yourself up for awkwardness.

As for the lady who wants to let her friend know that you won’t be offended by not being asked, I’d just wait and see if she will ask. If she does, tell you how honored you are, but you don’t think you can afford it; however, you will do whatever else she needs to help. Or tell her you can’t commit for a while, so if someone else can, you won’t be offended if she replaces you. Or offer to be an alternate. Tell her you aren’t sure you can commit, so she needs to put you at alternate status. I’d wait for her to ask, though, and not assume she will ask.

Post # 10
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No.  Likewise I wouldn’t want any of my bridesmaids to feel like they have to make me one of their bridesmaids in return.  However, I do know many girls who feel like that is an unspoken rule: if you are in mine, I expect to be in yours.  And then get all upset when that doesn’t happen!  Personally, I think that is silly… what happens if you’ve been a bridesmaid over a dozen time?  Pick who you want to stand next to you, not because you feel obligated.

Post # 11
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope. 

One of my bridesmaids was married 2 years ago and I wasn’t in her wedding. (she later said I shoulda been cuz I was more help than most of her bridesmaids). But I asked her to be mine because I love her and I know she loves me enough to help me with my wedding. 

Don’t have a bridesmaid that you really don’t want i  your wedding. Another friend did that. Once she was engaged someone invited herself to be inthe wedding and this chick practically ruined her wedding. She didn’t help out. Didn’t engage with the other bridesmaids. She didn’t even help the bride get ready.

The choice is yours. choose who you want in your bridal party. 

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