Post # 1
Member
8 posts
Newbee
I’m normally the person who just reads the threads like it’s the morning news but is never active. For this post I’m making an exception.
So I will just sum the “sh*t” part up as if it were a freaken weddingday to do list. I’m getting married August the 15th, which is in a few weeks. The last couple of months I had trouble with my parents whose culture is a bit different and who think they can invite all their friends (costs venue = 100 dollars per person) without contributing in any sort of way. I had trouble with my inlaws not liking the way we are handling things because they would do it differently. Both families ignore the whole part of us getting married because we are doing it our way which results in us being hurt that no one is interested or even mentions the wedding. When we talk about the wedding it’s like an awkward silence followed by mentioning the still not married older brother in law who is thinking of maybe eventually in this year getting engaged. Like WTF do we even excist!
I am a medical student in my last year of Bachelor (I’m dutch so the system is 3 years bachelor, 3 years masters with residency). I’ve been constantly failing exams because of the fear of failing. Like I know all the answers but I shut down as soon as I sit down and start thinking that I HAVE TO get this otherwise I will throw away my future and then all the knowledge I have, I just loose! So I’m working day and night to study every second I have and I’m just so tired of it all!
The last few weeks we’ve been fighting because we are both tired. We are doing it all on our own. Every little detail; we are doing it by ourselves. I’m a student and he works so we have been saving our asses of to get it all together financially. I don’t even get a coffee if I’m in the library studying just to save the 2euro’s too! Then two days ago we get a letter saying the Church we are getting married in has a new board and the costs of the ceremony just doubled. We don’t have the first prices on paper because we discussed this with the priest having faith that it is allright! Then a few hours ago after a big fight because of us being tired we decide to email the venue (the only good part left in this wedding) to ask them about the final headcount and we get an email they shut down 9 hours ago. THEY ARE DECLARED BANKRUPTCY.
So we booked them 1 year ago, we spend 6 months looking and now THEY ARE DECLARED BANKRUPTCY. It’s a freaken monument! A dream castle with a dream restaurant for a dream price and with a dream garden. EVERYTHING WE WANTED FOR AN AUGUST/SUMMER WEDDING. This was the only good part left in this whole weddingday planning and now THEY ARE DECLARED BANKRUPTCY. You see how I wrote this post? Leaving the best for the last. My dreamvenue is declared bankruptcy. We were suppossed to spend 10 hours there. Reception, diner and party. So it was close to midnight when we found out and we couldn’t contact them for more information. I tried anyways seeing I was having a meltdown so it was either them or the hospital. Their phone isn’t working anymore. We are contacting a curator tomorrow seeing we got an automatic email when trying to email the venue. I seriously believe we will not find a venue and we cannot get married atleast not with a reception, diner and party.
I feel like breaking down completely and I really have trouble staying sane. I couldn’t close my eyes tonight. It’s 5 in the morning and I have a big presentation in a few hours. I feel like saying f*** it all and run away. I went from dreamwedding to practically nothing in just two days. What the hell can I do at this point?
Post # 2
Member
1653 posts
Bumble bee
Oh my goodness.
First of all let me say I am so so so sorry about everything that’s happening. If you’ve put deposits on anything, could you explain your situation and possibly get some or all of the deposits back?
I empathise with your family situation. I am a young bride, and both sets of parents want nothing to do with our wedding (it’s still a few years away but any time we mention something related they just tune us out like we’re children) and it is really hurtful. I hope your parents eventually understand that they can’t just invite whomever they please.
I’m currently in debt with my school so I can’t go back until it’s been paid off but I completely understand where you’re coming from with the tests! The best thing I can suggest would be to slow down and take a breath before every question. Close your eyes for a bit to visualise an answer. Take as much time is provided to you.
I sincerely hope everything works out. All the best.
Post # 3
Member
8 posts
Newbee
Thank you so much, I didn’t think anyone would read this. It’s just like you say; it’s really hurtful the way they ignore the wedding. I’m a 21 year old bride and we were so proud of all that we were doing all by ourselves and in just 2 days we lose it alll. We can practically start all over but there just won’t be a venue available on our date! I’m seriously considering anything now. Can’t believe we went from dreamlocation to nothing at all
Post # 4
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
Oh no. I can’t even imagine and I’m so sorry to hear that your plans are disintegrating.
At this point, would eloping be an option you would consider? It seems like the universe is conspiring against you, and perhaps you might consider just waving the white flag and going with your Fiance to a quiet beach somewhere and saying your vows in peace! Have a big vow renewal in a few years when youre done with school and you’ve got money to spare?
if not, I’m crossing my fingers that you can find a venue and can still have a beautiful wedding, even if it’s not quite what you first pictured. Everything always finds a way to work out 🙂
Post # 5
Member
1653 posts
Bumble bee
AClove: I’m 20 🙂 Hello fellow young bride.
A suggestion of mine is to keep your original wedding date and go to the courts to do the legal marriage. Nobody has to be there, and at least you won’t be as upset when the date passes. Then in a year or two, plan your wedding again, and do a ceremony in front of family and friends. This way you’ll have a couple of years to save up and have an even better wedding. And who knows, maybe your parents will be more amenable to the idea when you’re a tad older. I know my parents would.
Again, I’m so sorry for all of this. I’ve been through stressful times and it sometimes gets to the point where I can’t handle another bad thing, and then another bad thing happens. Lean on your Fiance for support and know that in the end what matters is that you two are together, healthy and happy.
Post # 6
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
Omg, I am so sorry that this is happening to you, especially so close to your wedding. Planning a wedding is stress ful enough without all this added stress and then going through such a rigorous academic program , it must be exhausting.
I understand what you’re going through with your family. My parents freaked out on me too when I told them they needed to cut down their guest list, and also seem to be in denial about my wedding. I’m also a fairly young bride and they seem to be having a hard time with me getting married so soon. I really hope you can get it sorted with them, maybe talk to them about why you feel hurt and you need their support now more than ever?
Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee
Thank you so much girls. At this point the parents, my own and the inlaws, are my least bit of concerns. I’m afraid there won’t be a wedding because there isn’t a venue to accommodate. I’m in tears for hours now. As much as I absolutely didn’t want to elope, I think that’s the only thing we can do at this point?
Post # 8
Member
8 posts
Newbee
I totally forgot but there is family coming from all over the world (Canada, US, Australia, Spain, England, Sweden, Denmark) and tickets are booked. OMG can I elope at this point?
Post # 9
Member
1653 posts
Bumble bee
AClove: If there’s tickets booked then I say find a family member’s backyard and jazz it up with some florals and food, or call around to find a hall that could take you. Cancelling flight tickets now is impossible.
Post # 10
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I’m so sorry…
If it’s a well known venue, is it possible that some other venues will have heard about the bankruptcy and be extra helpful? (Of course it’s also possible they take advantage of it and overcharge, but there are a lot of decent business owners in the world). All you (and your fiance and maybe some helpful best friends) can do is phone around and try.
Post # 11
Member
48 posts
Newbee
Call every wedding planner in your area and beg one of them to find you a venue. It is an added cost, but at this point- its worth it to save your event and hopefullly one of them have a hidden gem that will help ease the dissapointment in what was your dream location. Reach out to the vendors you booked as well, and ask them for reccomendations- but if you can afford it, I would go the wedding planner route since they can spend all day on the phone tomorrow instead of you- trying to find you something!!!!
Post # 12
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
I agree of calling local venues and asking for help, or finding a backyard and fixing it up. August is a beautiful month for an backyard wedding
Post # 13
Member
8682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
AClove: I’m not sure where you are but here in nYC a popular wedding venue was shit down a month ago unexpectedly. I know other vendors quickly offered to help brides who had their weddings booked for there at very low prices. Maybe something similar will happen in your area? I know it won’t be your dream venue but you will be able to have your reception with your vendors you’ve probably put down deposits for. I would keep calm and start making every phone call you can think of!
Post # 14
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: February 2014 - Windstar on Naples bay
I went through 3 churches. My hair dresser canceled 9 days before and my new hair dresser told me not to bother with a hair trial.
Take a deep breath. Panicking to the point of making yourself sick won’t help. I almost cut my fingers off 3 days before the wedding at work Because I was super distracted. luckily the bruising and swollen-ness weren’t that noticeable
i second the calling around and trying to see if there’s another venue. That can help. Never know until you try. If your wedding was on a Saturday can you see if there is a Sunday available somewhere. That way people who booked their flights should still be in town? And the date isn’t too different?
also I’d see about the legal ramifications of not having your contract fulfilled. Dont know how much money you can get back if they are bankrupt but their must be something they can do??
But please take a deep breath.
Post # 15
Member
4843 posts
Honey bee
Uuggghhh I would just elope already. I’m so sorry.