(Closed) You won’t be able to do that….mini vent

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Very silly!  I think these people are projecting their own resentments about giving things up that they love when they had kids.  If you want to make it happen, you’ll make it happen!

Post # 18
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That is ridiculous.  While I don’t have kids yet, I believe that in life you can do many of the things you want.  You just can’t do EVERYTHING you want.

Post # 19
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes. I’m almost 38 and Fiance is 40, no kids yet for either of us.

 

I have found an effective way to get people to stop this is to appear that you are carefully considering what they say as if this is a really helpful ‘awareness’ statement they are giving you, look at them and say – “you know, I hadn’t really thought of parenting that way, and you’re not the first person to mention the things we’ll lose out on. The things we wont be able to do that we’ve been doing for years are really starting to add up and I think it’s time S and I discussed again if we really want to bother having kids. I don’t really want to lose the quality of life we have now, and with everyone pointing it out it sounds like we probably would”.

 

Then look sad and regretful but as if your mind is firmly made up. Trust me within days people are telling you how you CAN actually make it all work.

Post # 20
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@phillygirl629:  This – and the thought they might have talked you out of joining the deprived club and might have to watch you do fantastic things with all of your NO KIDS $$$$ kills them. Then they spend all the time trying to tell you how you can do both. The flip flop is pretty funny to watch 😉

Post # 21
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

I don’t have kids, but I do know that the “you can’t do xyz anymore” statements are only because those parents ultimately choose not to do those things anymore. There’s actually a book out by an economist (and dad to three kids – including twins) on why you can actually be more “selfish” as a parent and it won’t actually hurt your kids at all. It’s not neglect, and it’s not the end of the world if your life does not revolve 100% around your children.

For those of us bees who are a little older, there are tons of things our parents when we were kids that seem to be frowned upon today. Guess what? We survived. We’ve largely grown up to live reasonably happy lives and don’t sit down to have regular screaming fits that mommy got her nails done when we were seven years old instead of buying us a new blinged out princess costume for Halloween.

Obviously, this has its limits where it would cross into neglect, but we’re talking about logical and reasonable decision making, not extremes.

Post # 22
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I never had a Pedicure until after I had kids… Do i get them all the time no but it is a nice treat for myself every now and then…

Post # 23
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

What you can/can’t spend your money on is more about how you decide to budget it than how much you have, regardless of having kids or not! (In most cases)

I still get my Starbucks & still eat out WAY more than anyone should and I have a 7 y/o and a new lo that should be here any day now.

What I don’t buy like I used to is clothes… but that’s also b/c I HATE shopping so even when the money is there I will generally spend it on something I enjoy, like COFFEE! lol

People that don’t get things they “want”, if they’re honest with themselves, is usually because they’re putting their money somewhere else that they’d prefer over the other things. (again this is for the most part)

Alot of people blow WAY more money than they’d like to admit, again this is regardless of having kids or not.

Having kids just means you HAVE to keep better track of it. 😉

Post # 24
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I get pedicures & still travel. There’s not a law against doing those things when you’re a parent.

And kids are only as expensive as you make them. 

Post # 25
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t have kids yet, and i hate when I hear ppl say how you won’t be able to do this or do that. They are just jealous because they can’t find their own rhythm when they become a parent. I am just wrapping up a book called “Bringing Up Bebe.” The author talks about moving to France with her husband and raising their 3 kids and the differences between how American children are raised vs. how children in France are raised. It’s a really good read, and a lot of it is common sense.

Post # 26
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That Sooooo irritates me! Ugh dont even get me started! <big sigh>

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