(Closed) "You won't be attracted to HER when you're 60, you'll want a 25 year old."

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

ValAnna:  If some random guy and his random comment holds THIS MUCH sway over your self esteem and worthiness, I don’t think the random guy or the random comment is the real issue here…

Post # 17
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2017

ValAnna:  First off I laughed out loud at the ‘people whispering’ line for about a minute. Also, I know exactly how you feel. . Shame on him for pushing his insecurities on you and it’s not your fault if such a terrible statement is staying with you. Just acknowledge your feelings honestly- are you upset because secretly you fear that his statement is true? If not, just try and remeber that everyone has baggage and some people have big mouths and that is a reflection of their baggage- not yours. Hugs.

Post # 18
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I guess we know why his marriage failed. 

It’s true, there’s a culture of men who believe and act on things like that. Just like there’s a culture of women who marry for money. 

There are also people who reach a little deeper. If you have one if those, be grateful you found him and let this guy’s failure to understand mature love wash right out of your mind. 

Post # 19
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Meh. Jerk comment but he obviously has his own issues. I wouldn’t give it more than 10 sec thought.

Post # 20
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

That guy sounds like a jerk, probably a really unhappy jerk. I totally get why it’s upsetting you, but I think the important thing to remember is that your Fiance disagreed with him. Try not to let that guy’s sour grapes get to you.

Post # 21
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

When people say things like this, they are usually talking about themselves. I wouldn’t take it personally, when in all honesty it probably has nothing to do with you.

Post # 22
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

ValAnna:  Don’t take this seriously, sounds like the misogynistic rantings of a bitter dude.  At my bachelorette party several people came up to me shouting some variation of “don’t do it.”  Seriously, half a dozen people at least.  One guy followed me around for like 5 minutes making disparaging remarks about marriage.  Teflon that shit.

Post # 23
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

ValAnna:  I’m 28, Fiance is 29. I was out the front a few weeks ago hosing down my exercise bike, which was dirty from sitting out in the back yard under our awning and our neighbour (mid 60s) popped his head over the fence and commented “gets a lot of use does it?” I laughed and explained I was cleaning it up to bring it inside so I can use it for physio on my knee so I can wear my heels for our wedding. His response was “why are you getting married? You’re young, throw yourself around a bit.” I said “we’re older than we look. And in love.” He went on to say he regretted all of his marriages. I shrugged and said “ah well, guess it’s not for everyone.” He took the hint and walked away. My point is that my neighbour, much like your FI’s workmate, has a skewered opinion on marriage from his personal experience, it had nothing to do with you. If you and your Fiance know you love each other and that this is what you want, pay no mind to him.

Post # 24
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Unless he’s rich no 25yos want us at 60 anyway lol

Post # 25
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

This is great. A jerk weeded himself out of your wedding. I wish all of them would do that!

Post # 26
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I second what a PP said about people getting that drunk at a work do. So unprofessional!

Post # 27
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

That guy is a drunk jerk. I hope your fiance doesn’t extend anymore invitations to him … in fact I hope you don’t have to ever see him again. 

Post # 28
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Well, if it was your fiancé who said this, I could see why you might be hurt. But a random drunk friend with a random drunk comment at a party? Meh. Who cares. This sounds like a guy who is going through his own shit. 

Long term attraction is a dynamic thing, in that it is not just about physical appearance, certainly not just age, but mental connection, emotional connection, and so on. Why does it matter that some guy who is not even 60, who has clearly had a tough experience with marriage, and is likely jaded, does not believe there is more to long term attraction than age? This goes both ways, too. It is not like 60 year old women necessarily are attracted to their 60 year old partner only because they have a 60 year old, body, you know?

 

Post # 29
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

ValAnna:  Dude had too much alcohol so the douche-bag filter was turned off & he said something regrettable that made him look like an asshole to others. If he’s not usually like that & the combination of alcohol, poor judgment & going through a divorce caused him to act out of character, he’s probably mentally beating himself up for that comment. If he’s a douche-bag stone cold sober then he’s worth even less of your time. If he has any class whatsover, he’ll apologize to you and your Fiance, but don’t sweat it if you don’t get one. The most important thing I would take from this is that the other men there- most notably your Fiance and his new boss- immediately called him out on this and let him know it’s unacceptable to talk to women this way. Sounds like your Fiance is a gentleman- and loyal to you- he’s worth more than a dozen douchebags any day of the week.

Post # 30
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

This kind of comment would not bug me at all. My fiancé and I would have just laughed at how stupid that guy was to say it in front of me and I would honestly feel a little sorry for him. 

 

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