Post # 1
We’re renewing our vows after eloping and 7 years of marriage in Oct. 2010. We do not want or expect to receive any presents. You wouldn’t bring a present to a destination vr right? I don’t want to mention it on the invites, of course, but I also don’t want people to think we want presents! I would assume that the couple wasn’t expecting or wanting gifts, but I just wanted to double check.
Post # 3
Frankly, I’ve never been to a vow renewal and would not be sure what to do. I’d bring a gift to be on the safe side. I’d probably do something smaller than for a first wedding, but I’d do a gift card to a restaurant or something. Maybe I’m in the minority though.
Post # 4
No. No gift is necessary. If you’re already married, you usually have everything by that time to set up your household, which is what the gifts would consist of.
Post # 5
If I were invited to your vow renewal, I would probably bring some sort of gift just because I wouldn’t really be sure what everyone else would do. Plus, it’s not like I would have already given you a gift at your wedding, so it’s not like I would be giving you double gifts…
Post # 6
if i received your invitation and recognizing that you were hosting an actual reception event i would be wondering where you are registered so i could give you a gift. i guess if it was a bbq in the backyard i would be thinking a nice bottle of something but an actual reception function i would be thinking a more formal gift
but im italian so if not registered i would put cash in an envelope, its what the italians do 🙂
Post # 7
I have no idea what the proper protocol for this situation is honestly but I am curious to see what the general concensus is on your question.
Post # 8
Eloping, why would you register after you have been married 7 yrs? I’m sure her guests know that she and her husband have been married that long and don’t need the same stuff as someone who is just starting out for the first time.
Post # 9
@Ember, and an elopee myself, i guess i would be looking for a registry because i would see it as their 1st formal wedding function. in saying that, we’re having our own party in a few weeks time and its a low key home/backyard thing and im spreading the word no gifts please but knowing the familes (greek and italian) im expecting gifts to be given
if Katemw’s invite was for an actual wedding reception venue with a dress code, sit down dinner ect i would consider the event an actual wedding reception and a formal gift would be required by me. not everyone else but i would give a gift because thats how i was raised – i wouldnt even come over to your place for dinner without bringing a bottle of something or dessert or something else as a way of saying thankyou for the invitation, its just how its done for me
Post # 10
I’d bring a gift, I think, because to me it’s a way of saying to the couple I value your relationship and want to contribute, and to give them something to help them celebrate the day. (Love Languages, anyone??).
BUT if it was my vow renewal, I would not expect gifts but also wouldn’t want to put it on the cards (so I understand your dilemma!).
Is it possible to have them call you to, so that you get to talk to them and they can ask, or you can mention “oh, and please spread the word that we would value the presence of our guests and aren’t wanting gifts”, or something similar?
Post # 11
I would bring a gift, especially if you were feeding me. You mentioned it is destination, so if the costs to attend are really high, I may just bring a card and a bottle of champagne to your house upon return.
Post # 12
I would probably bring something small at least. If you really want to make sure people don’t go all out, I would suggest letting some key guests know and asking them to spread the word.
Post # 13
I would definitely bring a gift if I were coming to the VR, but if I couldn’t come, I would send a card only.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I would probably bring a gift because I don’t like to show up to a party empty-handed…If you’re concerned about people bringing gifts, maybe you could include an insert with your invites with the name of a charity asking people to donate should they feel moved along with a “no gifts please” or “your presence is present enough” something like that….
Post # 15
I have no idea!
I look at vow renewals kind of like weddings, though. I’d bring a “safe” gift of some sort. Nothing as expensive as I likely would for a wedding (no stand mixer for you, sorry! lol), but probably SOMETHING cool, particularly if there’s food and booze! I’d go to Bombay or Crate and Barrel maybe and definitely include a gift receript. Maybe a nice vase? I dunno. To me, that means party, and I ALWAYS bring a hostess gift, right? THis would be no different
Post # 16
Well, I have a semi-similar situation. My husband and I got married in June. The idea was to keep it a secret and have the whole church thing in January, for that “wedding experience.” However, I’m pretty sure that people have been figuring it out. I know my sister figured it out, and as much as I love the kid, she has a huge mouth. I was chatting with my Mom one day, and she was acting weird, so I asked her if she knew, and she totally did.
I hadn’t given any thought to the gift situation until someone asked me about it. It was actually my daycare teacher, who is a close friend to the hubs family. She already knew, since I had to update insurance info for my daughter. She said that if someone did not get the chance to celebrate with you at the time of your marriage, that gifts should be graciously accepted by the bride & groom. She even encouraged me to register, which I’m undecided on.
In Kate’s case, I would say don’t mention it and leave it up to the guests. Chances are there are a lot of people who want to celebrate your union in the form of a gift they didn’t have the chance to give you before. And since you’re not expecting anything, it will be a pleasant surprise. I know if I were attending such an event, I would feel a monetary gift would be appropriate.