(Closed) "You'll Be An Old Bride." Just Need to Vent

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

stuckatwembley:  I’m 27 and have had a couple of folks from that generation tell me that I’ve “taken my time” and “drug my feet” about getting married. 

 

Thankfully it’s a lot more socially acceptable now to wait for a relationship that makes both people happy.

Post # 17
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

stuckatwembley:  I remember when I was 21 at the end of uni my Grandma told me that when she was my age she was married with her first child on the way!! I think it’s a generation thing to be honest, people do things later in life these days. You’re farrrr from an old bride. Hard as it is I’d just try to brush it off as a generational thing *hug*

Post # 18
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

While I agree it was not a very thoughtful remark and it was entirely rude, I hate these comments that are like “she comes from a time where they stayed in unhappy marriages”. It’s statements like these that really shows me why our divorce rates are so high these days.. My grandparents are 70 and they will be married for 51 years This year. They stayed with each other when they were unhappy and worked toward happiness together. That’s what a marriage is. There’s nothing wrong with not divorcing someone. My grandma was severely depressed and alcoholic and violent and anyone today would have told my grandpa to leave her but he stayed and got her help and she’s a better person today because of it. The put up or shut up attitude is something we need more of in today’s relationships. To me, divorce is not an option, like most of that old generation. 

sorry for the rant but ew you guys. Don’t talk about the lack of divorce in the past like its a bad thing. It’s a bad thing that the divorce rate is so high now. 

Post # 19
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

My Fiance is in his mid 30s and he has gotten quite a few comments like “Took you long enough!” and “FINALLY!” and his dad had actually told him “If you are gay we don’t want to hear about it!”

Right before we got engaged, a longtime female friend of his asked me to coffee and told me she is concerned that he has only dated crazy women in the past and implied that means something about our relationship. This was after he secretly confided in her that he bought an engagement ring for me.

People are definitely just nuts and so full of personal opinions!!! hahaha Take everything with a grain of salt. You are SO not an older bride– that’s ridiculous! It for sure is no less special than if you get married at 25; why would anyone think that? I feel like it is so rare to get married before the age of 30 in our culture.

Post # 20
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

themoonofhislife:  That’s not what I meant. Obviously I would hope that people do fight for their marriage and work through the hard times. BUT people did stay in unhappy, unhealthy and sometimes abusive marriages because of the taboo of divorce. That’s why divorce rates are the highest they ever been in the over 60’s.

Post # 21
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Don’t you hate it when people say things and you get taken aback enough that it’s impossible to think of a response?  Then of course the response you wanted comes up later on … usually in the shower or while you’re walking down the street and you find yourself in an imaginary stand off … no?  Ok 🙂

In this case, I don’t think she really meant it to be taken the way many of us would receive it in this day and age.  I agree with previous bees – her sentiment is from a completely different era!  I would hope that’d make it a bit easier to move on from it.  When your wedding day comes, that’s IF you CHOOSE to get married because you can do whatever you want, it’ll be special at any age!

Post # 22
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Wow, if she thinks 33 is too old, then I must be ancient.  I’ll be 40 on my wedding day.  Just ignore it.  Your never too old to get married.

Post # 23
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Yes, youll be an older bride. Youll also likely have finished your education, supported yourself, lived on your own and learned who you are and what youre looking for. Next time someone says something about being an older bride tell them your dream was to be an 18 year old bride and a 25 year old divorcee….but you know not all dreams come true. Youll have to settle for being an “older” bride to likely an “older” man who can truly appreciate what you have to offer….:)

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  jily.
Post # 24
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Not sure

Don’t worry about it. All that matters is you find the right man for you. As we age, we only get wiser based on experience. At twenty, I was a trainwreck. I never would have been a good wife. Now, I’m 36. By the time I walk down the aisle with the love of my life, I’ll be 37 and a half. Sometimes in life, we just have to take what life gives us, even if it means we have to wait. If you aren’t ready for marriage at 33, then so be it. Don’t worry about what some senior did with her life. In our generation, yeah we live life fast and we want everything “now”, but we also slow down on the importance of developing a relationship. There’s far less pressure to settle on marriage asap. We aren’t all just “baby machines” nowadays either. We also (women) work for a living. Also, don’t forget, many women do not wait for marriage to lose their virginity like back then. Some still do, yes. But it just isn’t as common as once was. Anyway. Times have changed. “Old bride, young bride”… Who cares. As long as one day, you will be a bride. Who gives a shit otherwise.

Post # 25
Member
6771 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Just because she’s older doesn’t mean it wasn’t rude!

Post # 26
Member
228 posts
Helper bee

All brides are beautiful age has nothing to do with it.  People of all ages are rude, thoughtless and inappropriate. I was a bride in my 40s and I loved it.  Best wishes.

Post # 27
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee

stuckatwembley:  Wow, how rude! By no means is 33 old at all, let alone an old bride! She sounds like she’s a bit old school where people used to be married in they’re teens and young 20s. I wouldn’t listen to her, it’s more important to find the right guy than it is to marry as soon as possible.

Post # 29
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I would have loved to be a “younger” bride, but it didn’t happen that way. In fact, when I was helping my sister shop for her dress recently, I coldn’t help but think I had been aged out of a couple dresses I would have loved for my own wedding lol. I always wanted a giant tulle monster, but I’m not even enaged, and who knows if it will ever happen.

I do get the rude comments from time to time. It’s pretty routine to get lunch with my managers once in a while, and by now I think all of them have asked me if I’m seeing anyone, what’s wrong with me, etc. It certainly makess me panic, but you know what, I can’t control EVERYTHING. When I was shopping for a house, I was made to feel like an insane person for buying a home as a single woman. When I announced my decision to go back to school, a coworker asked me, straight out, “what about marriage!?” …. I wasn’t even sure how to respond. I kindly reminded her that I’m not seeing anyone, and she told me I’m running out of time for it!!Multiple coworkers said this.

I do have lots of male friends in their mid 30s and 40s, and the same people that make comments about me, also make comments about them. “He’s probably gay.” “No reason to be his age and single, unless he’s hiding something.” LOL. I’ve mostly just given up.

Post # 30
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

My Father-In-Law was talkng about a woman he used to work with and he referred to her as an old maid…since she was unmarried at 40. I got married at 39 6 months before he made that comment! 🤔

My Father-In-Law is 82…it is definitely a generation thing and sure, if we could have our lives planned out and things work out according to our plans, we probably would have met our DHs & FIs earlier, got married earlier, etc. It doesn’t work that way which is probably a good thing. 

As far as your future husband not getting A young bride…that is all in her and how she must have felt as she aged. Sure…we may not have 22 yr old “parts” but we know how to use them oh so much better!! 😉

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  SweetShe.

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