Post # 1
If you guys read my “fight with a bridesmaid” and “update/fight with a bridesmaid” most of you told me to get rid of her. I was resisistant to that but in the end realized it was for the best. I made the decision to do that but then decided to give her one more chance. I said I’ll see how she is at the shower. Then yesterday she didn’t show up at the shower!! I was kind of glad b/c then she couldn’t ruin it. But she sends me a text message in the middle of it saying she woke up sick and apologizing. Then she leaves me a voicemail today saying she was sorry and wanted to take me out b/c she felt bad. i didn’t know what to do. then i realized wait if we get together we’re going to get into another conversation, we could argue again, i have to worry up to our going out what it’s going to be like, etc. etc. I JUST DON’T WANT HER IN IT!!! So I wrote her, taking her out.
Done, over, gone!!!! Now it’s all about the wedding. No more crap.
Thanks, Bees. I’ll admit your advice was hard to hear. But you were right. I did it, hope you’re proud!
Post # 3
Yea for you, good job. I bet you’ll like looking at your wedding pictures a lot more since she won’t be in them.
Post # 4
Good for you 🙂 I hope you feel better and the wedding plans and celebrations can go on without all that stress!
Post # 5
Good for you girl, way to be strong. Glad you got rid of the toxicity and you can move on to the happy things.
Post # 6
I wanted to read all three of the posts that went together before I responded. I am glad that you took her out, however, how will Brenda feel? Will she side with Jennifer and want to be out of the wedding too? (I know you wouldn’t care that much if she was out either!) So, what did Jennifer say when you wrote her? Or has she even written you back yet? I was curious about a couple things…how old are you girls and is that girl Maria a bridesmaid too? She sounded horrible. My take on the whole situation is that those friends of yours are quite toxic and depressing. I know it’s hard to get rid of friends that you’ve had since h.s. because they tend to linger on and you feel a sense of obligation to them. I think they are jealous of you and that you are happy now but they also have serious insecurities that stem from their own circumstances that have happened to them. I’m not saying all divorced people are negative, but they tend to feel a certain way about marriages because theirs did not work out. I think you need to surround yourself with positive people in your life and with people that are supportive and love you for who you are. Even in the email you sent to Jennifer you said you were aware of things you needed to work on yourself. I think that’s a great quality to have that you know your weaknesses and try to work on them…I’m the same way. The other girls are obviously not aware of their weaknesses. I could not believe when she tried to get you “set up” with her friend and the reasons she said you were similiar. G-d what a bitch she was…You deserve to be sooo happy now and I’m glad you ditched her as a friend. I’d say get rid of those other girls in that group as well. The only reason I see that they could possibly be upset would be if you went on and on about how happy you are and how great your FI is. Most divorcees or negative people don’t want to hear that or even single girls because it tends to make them sad. If you relate to them saying yeah I know some guys can be jerks, etc. etc. I’m sorry it happened to you and then just be happy yourself knowing inside that your guy is amazing and will doubtful even do those horrible things to you. I wouldn’t even want to hang around women like that that complain all day. It brings you down. Anyways, best of luck, let us know what happens, and congrats on your August wedding. 🙂
Post # 7
Congrats! I’m all for kicking up bad bridesmaids/friends
Post # 8
Thanks so much!! I only just sent Jennifer the email tonite kicking her out so I haven’t heard from her yet. I’m guessing Brenda’s not going to be crazy about it and she’ll ask me about it and maybe even oppose. But I’m not sure. I don’t even know at this point how much Jennifer and Brenda talk anymore. I haven’t hung out with them at all this past year, other than seeing them in January to try out BM dresses. It is a possibility she will side with Jennifer. If she is decent to me I’ll keep her in. But she can’t show any disrespect either. Though for all I know she could drop out anyway. I’ll be prepared. Brenda couldn’t be at the shower yesterday b/c her brother is also getting married and her sister-in-law’s shower was on the same day. Out of these three girls one of them like I said has been much better. She was at the shower yesterday and was fine and I don’t think she even sees or talks to them anymore.
No, no, noooo Maria is not a bridesmaid. She’s not even a guest, although she might have been had last summer not happened. She was an old high school friend we found on FB who went out with us last summer. She’s horrible, awful, I never want to see her face again. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jennifer contacts her, even if they haven’t spoken since last year, just to bitch about me. Maria will do it happily, I’m sure. Eh, I’ll let them have their witch fun.
How old are these ladies you ask? In mid-thirties. Kinda sad, right?
I agree about people who are miserable regarding marriage and men. They just bring you down at a time like this. Yesterday at my shower everyone there had a different type of attitude and background than did those ladies, and wow what a difference.
Post # 10
Ok, so what’s now happened is this after I sent her the email about her being out of the party. sorry for all the drama but i feel better venting.
she sent two emails — the first saying that I was being childish about her not being at the shower, that she had been throwing up all morning and that next time she’d send me a picture so that I’d believe her, that I need to get my shit together, that she is happy for me and that if I can’t see that then it’s my issue to resolve. And then sends a second saying she had now read my entire email, she hadn’t yet gotten to the part where I was kicking her out, and said that she hoped I was clear in my decision b/c another person she trusted has failed her, (so she’s equating me with her cheating ex-husband!) “and it’s a shame, and I’m so done with it all.” She said that obviously our friendship is of no value to me and then said she loved me, wished me and my FH best of luck for the future, blessings, etc. and then signed it with “sorry I got sick.”
I was so tempted to respond back angrily but I didn’t. I got worried about Brenda’s reaction, I felt badly b/c we used to be good friends and I used to have a relationship with her parents, so last night I sent her 20 roses as a way to end our friendship on a somewhat positive note. This was really for damage control. I said on the note with the flowers : “I don’t want our friendship to end on a sour note, so please accept these roses as a token of my love, gratitude, and friendship for 20 years.” I’m not saying she deserved it after the way she’s treated me but our old friendship did. But really I did it for damage control…I think Brenda is less likely to react if she finds out I did that and I think her parents are less likely to be resentful toward me. It was kind of a “political” thing. But also it just made me feel better, it gave me more closure, it kind of eased my conscience and put a more solid end to our friendship. B/c it used to be a good one.
And I’m getting support from people, including a couple of my bridesmaids that I’ve done the right thing which helps me feel better. I got really sad last night b/c this is a loss, I’ve been friends with her since h.s. But I’ll get over it. I’m already feeling better today. On to more wedding planning!
Post # 11
Sounds like all these girls are immature – I was shocked to hear they are in their 30’s – I was going to guess like 20 if that! Your wedding day is about you and your husband to be and that is IT! You should not have to send emails or flowers or anything else for that matter! This is your day – don’t waste another breath, stroke of the keyboard, or dime on this b*tch…or anyone else who doesn’t support you for that matter!!
Post # 12
lol txnhbride! ok unless something really bad happens that i need to vent i won’t waste a stroke more on this keyboard. but i’ll keep checking bee responses and respond.