Post # 1
So I’m 24,about to get married and the baby questions are starting. I’ll clear this up,we are going to have ONE kid/pregnancy (I say pregnancy because twins run in both of our families and my luck I’ll have twins). When I tell people that I’m not a big fan of babies they look at me as if I committed a crime. I’ve been called cold hearted for not liking children.
Well yesterday was the final straw. The person used the whole “Once you’re older you’ll change your mind about babies.” I got in an argument with them saying I’ve known from a young age that having kids are not my number one priority in life and that if I dont have one I’m not going to be too upset. She told me it’s not right for a girl to feel like that,babies are what every girl wants and that when I have my one kid I’ll for sure want more.
The I replied with I’d rather not have a kid and regret it then have one and regret it. She told me NO ONE REGRETS HAVING KIDS! I’ve met plenty that have.
I’m just frustrated because how dare she tell me that I’m not right because kids aren’t my ultimate goal in life. I’m so tired of being treated like that because I’m choosing to make sure I want a kid before I have one.
Rant over for now.
Post # 2
Your feelings are valid and I am sorry someone pushed their opinions on you. However, I hear the “I’ve met plenty of people who regret having children” bit a lot from people who are typically anti kids. I’ve never had one person say this to me or heard of this at all so I’m wondering where all these people are that are telling you (not just you personally) that they regret their kids. How does that even come up in conversation? “Yeah I’m not having kids” “Oh yeah you shouldn’t I totally regret mine.” What? Who says that? Even if some people do regret their kids and I’m sure some do, I find it hard to believe that they go around telling people that. Sorry to derail with my mini rant. It’s just something that bugs me. Apologies.
Post # 3
nerk : ugh. I hear ya. I’m 32 and CFBC. Don’t like kids, REALLY don’t like babies. Never have. And no, I’ll not changing my mind. The more friends that have babies, the more resolute I am!
Post # 4
snowdrops : I’ve met one person who regretted having a kid,she wasn’t a bad mom and she loved her child,but she wanted life to be different. This was like 5 years ago. I tend to hear things like this because I’m a listener,if someone needs to rant about life or just bounce ideas off of me I’m the person they come to. Other then that it’s mostly they regret the age they have kids,not the kids.
Post # 5
Everyone always knows better about your life then you! I really don’t know why but people do like to push their opinions on kids on to you. I have read lots of the cfbc post on here and some of the things that are said to people who say they don’t want children are really nasty! I’m pregnant and always wanted a child but I don’t like other people’s children, well I think I’ve met about two i like. Im also not looking forward to having a newborn we heavily considered and had started applying for adoption due to the fact I’m not bothered about having a newborn I want to speed past that section (im told it goes quickly) to when they start doing some things. I did wonder if my dislike of children would change once I got pregnant but nope not so far! At about 7 weeks this little girl randomly started talking to me but her mouth was full and she was spitting food everywhere and I still recoiled in horror from her and had to resist the urge to forcibly push her away from me.
Plenty of people regret having children and it’s definitely better to be sure you want them then rush in it! You are being very sensible and going about it the right way. If you do decide to have one one day all these people who say it’s so wonderful now then switch to telling you how you might feel ok now being pregnant but it will get sooo much worse and labour is so horrific and having a child is the hardest thing in the world! You can’t win!
Post # 6
nerk : Saying ”I’ve met plenty of people that regret having had kids” is not the same as saying ”I’ve met one person who regrets not having been able to do x and y before she had her child” 😀 I think regretting aspects of your previously childfree life is common (regretting not traveling, regretting not going out more, or whatever)… but actually regretting the birth of your child is (in my opinion) not that common… It’s hard to regret the existence of a little human that you love.
I’m in no way saying you should have any kids if you dont’ want them 🙂
Post # 7
snowdrops : I’ve had two people I know say to me they regret their children. One it was an accident from a one night stand but she doesn’t agree with abortion and for some reason didn’t want to put it up for adoption. Her child is about ten and I swear he knows she didn’t/doesn’t want him! She raises him well but she doesn’t seem to love him I think she just goes through the motions. The other is my neighbour who actually has three children! She had them one after the other when she was 15/16/17 she said she was basically stupid and irresponsible all three were accidents (how you have three accidents I’m not sure!) and they are now all teenagers and pretty much feral. She dragged those kids up until they could learn to put frozen food in to an oven and that’s as far as her parenting went I question how they haven’t been removed from her care as my other neighbours all reported her when the kids were younger. For some unknown reason people seem to spill their life stories to me a lot and th have said they regret having children and wish they never had.
Post # 8
I understand where you’re coming from. I don’t like kids and I’ve known that my whole life. My Darling Husband and I are CFBC and are staying that way. I too have known people that have told me they regret having children, my sister is one of them. She’s a wonderful mother but has told me numerous times that she regrets not staying CF. In the end you need to do what’s right for you and your life and not let anyone else try and tell you how you should or should not feel. There is nothing wrong with the way you’re feeling. Just stay true to yourself!!
Post # 9
I find it strange for people to not want kids because it is kind of our reason for existing however I couldnt care less what other people are doing… your vagina, your business
I will however say im not a kid person… I DISPISE other parents and kids 99% of the time but it is genuinly different when its your own… you may only want one, you may grow and decide you want more but either way you most likely will adore your own and see it completely differently than others even if you hate every other child you ever meet
Post # 10
I’ve gotten the “you’ll change your mind” thing from family pretty often. I’m 29 and my guy is 36, and we are CFBC. Most of the time people are pretty sweet about it, like “I know you don’t want kids but you’d be great parents if you ever do,” or something to that effect.
However, there was one point where my BF’s mom spent TWO HOURS at dinner telling us we will never truly know each other or God if we don’t have children. It was pretty awkward – we knew about a year and a half into our relationship that children aren’t in our future.
I also have to admit I used to think I wanted kids, but once I met my guy and being a mom became an option as opposed to an expectation, I had to admit to myself that I didn’t really want them. I had always had an underlying feeling of dread thinking about kids, but had always brushed it off. Now, with every passing year, the less and less I want kids (meaning going from being ambivalent, to not wanting them, to really not wanting them).
I think most of the time people mean well, or they can’t see outside of what is conventionally accepted in society. I try to just brush it off, but it can be pretty annoying sometimes!
Post # 11
I know plenty of people who have had just one out of choice, that seems perfectly normal for many reasons and it really is no one else’s business. Their life is not very different from mine with one, I do wonder why you want one at all if you don’t like children – the biggest change is from none to one! I’ve never met anyone who regrets having their children, even on the hardest days. People will always have an opinion and too many want to share that opinion even if it’s not asked for.
Post # 12
snowdrops : people might not regret their kids per se, but there are a lot of people that regret not be able to do X, Y, and Z as a result of having kids. They regret their life choice, in other words. I’ve talked to MANY people who have said “I love my children dearly but I don’t know if I’d do it all over again if I had the option”.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal
I’m 32 and I still feel the same way. It’s probably worse now because I’m financially stable now and I like our life as is. We are still on the fence about having kids. If we have them, I know I will love them and be a great mom, but if we don’t I will just as happy. None of my FI’s or my siblings have kids yet, with the youngest age 27, so our families are itching for grandkids. You still have plenty of time to decide so for now I would just focus on living a great life with your husband.
Post # 14
ilovesophia : That’s not saying ”I regret having done it” though 🙂 If you said to those people ”Ok, I’ll make your kid disappear so that you can do x, y or z” the people would answer ”Are you f*cking kidding me? I love my child more than anything, can’t imagine life without him/her…”. And most people wouldn’t do it all over again… there are a lot of things in life that you just want to do once 🙂
Post # 15
ilovesophia : Yup! This is the one I’ve heard the most.