(Closed) "You'll change your mind when you have one" Rant

posted 3 years ago in No Kids
Post # 31
Member
2332 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Kids are a big life changing decision and if you don’t want them, nobody should try to pressure you or change your mind about it. I personaly don’t like kids. I just don’t. I don’t get attached, not even to my nieces. I don’t like them!!! But I am head over heels in love with mine. As weird as that sounds.

i never wanted kids. Then I met my husband and that changed. But I seriously only like my own. She’s the only one that I have the patience and energy for. Would I do it again? Idk. Maybe…… people are already pressuring me to have another and mine is only 4 months old. Lol

 

Post # 32
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I didn’t read all the comments, but honestly I’d just keep your plans mum and not discuss them.  It’s none of their business and rude of them to ask anyway.  I think your plan sounds totally reasonable to me.  Everyone has their one path and a reason (or sometimes no reason) for why they do what they do.  

Post # 33
Member
6221 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

FWIW, I am a mum to three kids, but the presumption that women were born to breed is offensive and patronizing. No one questions a man when he doesn’t get married or tels people he isn’t into babies; why is it okay to call a woman “cold hearted” for the same thing? LOTS of women have other priorities, and that ought to be as routinely and easily accepted as a woman having children.

As I said, I do have children, and while I don’t regret them in any way, I was MISERABLE during pregnancy and during the tiny infant stage. Infants are not fun in my world – I very much preferred my children once they were out of diapers and could talk. Indeed, they are more fun the older they get! But babies? No. I wasn’t fond of being a mum to tiny babies, and I am not interested in other people’s babies. I don’t want to hold them or babysit. Babies just aren’t my thing. 

I just wish we lived in a society where women were encouraged to be who and what they are. Not all women are maternal and dream of motherhood; not all men are ambitious and good at math and science; lots of women excel in the sciences and aim for CEO; lots of men dream of having a family and being a dad. ALL of those things should be equally expected and encouraged, depending on the individual.

Post # 34
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

“The Shame of Not Wanting Children” is the best article I’ve found regarding not having children. My favorite quote is “some people who have created children without really wanting them will consider someone else’s decision not to live with children as an implied accusation of a lack of foresight. And others who are happy to live with children consider the decision to do otherwise as an assault on their values and their lifestyle. The rest of the cause can be attributed to unthinking conformity to established practice.”

For anyone who is interest and has time-

http://enlightenment.supersaturated.com/essays/text/carolynray/shame_children.html

Post # 35
Member
2352 posts
Buzzing bee

nerk :  I’m sorry you had to go through this. I feel that a lot of people do unelss they have been very vocal from day one they dont want kids. Since 13 I was pretty loud and proud about the fact there were no kids coming.  You have to be forceful and strong and after a while people will not want to ask you.

Ugh the idea that I should be a brood mare is horrifying. No, not all women should be mothers. Just because our bodies can doesn’t mean we should. That person who said taht to you is a dumbass.  

Post # 36
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Iʻm 25 and when I say Iʻm only interested in having 1 (twins run strong here as well) pregnancy and then weʻre done, they look at me like Iʻm from Mars. If we donʻt get pregnant naturally weʻre just gonna dump our money into traveling and adventures together. Iʻm waiting to get off the pill until we are aboslutley ready just in case it happens quick, I wonʻt have any regrets. But I think there are tons of things Iʻm gonna miss about our life without kids, weʻre both super spontaneous for example, so I very much believe baby regret is real. I kinda hope itʻll take us a little while but twins are a real possibility and Iʻm so small, I know it would be tough on me, not to mention if lord help us, the baby has medical issues or is sick. I feel like people donʻt even consider those things! I wanna be sure 🙂

Post # 37
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

People are still stuck in their old fashion ways. With more universal education for women nowadays, there are less and less babies being born. You do not need children to provide a “happy” and “fulfilled” life. 

Post # 38
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

I find it strange when people say they don’t like animals, pets, cats, dogs, etc. But I never say, “You’ll change your mind when you have one.”

As CFBC since I was young, I had to hear that a lot over the years and I absolutely hate the wiser-than-thou-because-I-popped-one-out-and-you-didn’t tone!

Post # 39
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018

My response to that is “Well I’d far rather not have them and regret that than have them and regret having them”. If you regret not having them it really only impacts you. If you regret having them, your kids will know, even if you never tell them (I know this from experience) and everyone will be miserable. (My mother told me that she regreted having kids when I came “out” as CFBC to her).

Post # 40
Member
708 posts
Busy bee

 

I am sorry to hear that someone made you feel bad about how you want to live your life.

Just one question…. why are you getting in to arguments over this with people whose opinions don’t really matter? Seems like a waste of time. Can’t you just say, “WHATEVER, weirdo!” and move on? Lol!

The topic ‘"You'll change your mind when you have one" Rant’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors